I'm so sorry jfulk, this must be incredibly difficult. I'm glad you felt that you could talk to your dad about it. I'm not sure how much advice I can give because I am not married, however I have been with my now fianc for nearly 9 years. We are both firm believers that ultimatums are not a good idea... if someone feels like they have to give an ultimatum, then they might as well just skip it and end it. However, with addiction things get complicated quickly, and I'm not sure that an ultimatum is such a terrible idea. I think that it could be difficult for her to hand over control of meds to you, and it could create problems, but a psychiatrist or therapist might be able to give you good advice about how to handle that particular part of the situation.

Sorry I couldn't be much help... I hope that you will figure out what feels best for you to do.

I am sorry you are going through this. I have been in a similar situation and it is not easy. Mt ex-husband was an alcoholic. I tried talking to him, asking him to get help, begging with him, but he would not admit he had a problem. I finally had enough. I had kids I had to protect. I gave him an ultimatum either he get help or it was over. He tried to get help he didn't really want help. He thought the alcohol was more important than his family. If I was you I would talk to your wife first then if that didn't work I would give her an ultimatum. I am hoping she will get help and everything will work out for you.

Sorry you are going through this. Marriage problems are incredibly stressful when we as BPers have other issues to contend with during life's stressful moments. Is she supportive of you and your care with BP? Some spouses don't have faith in therapy or mental health system for a million different reasons.

Sending you good thoughts as you sort through all this. It's hard, I know.

it doesn't sound like your marriage problems have gotten worse, it sounds like your medical problems have gotten worse. as i said on a previous post ultimatums seldom work. neither of you are children and 'tough love' with adults does get backs up. try to talk to a therapist together. if down the line she is unable to accept help you might have to look at leaving because she may need to walk this particular path without you, that is in no way your fault. again it sounds like you need to step away for a moment, talk to your pdoc and get yourself in the best possible place, deal with your own issues, keep your xanax and other meds in a safe place and then talk to your wife when you're coming from a stronger self. I am assuming your father is not bp so really you need to talk to experts. you're so young, I hate to see the 'i'm leaving' option brought up so soon' i wish you only good things. I was married to an alcoholic/drug addict and we eventually had to split. it is not an easy thing. take care of you and get as much help as you can that will keep you and your wife safe while all this is going on and you guys can't go too far wrong. big hugs.

SOrry you are going through this...sending you hugs.

I used to abuse alcohol to stop delusions/hallucinations and get straight out blasted. My hubby stood by me, drink or not, until it became too much. He suggested that I talk to my T about it - we ended up going to couples counseling and it worked!! I learned that I have to face some of my issues and that drinking wasn't the answer - my husband learned about my schizoaffective problems and was better prepared for highs and lows. I had kept drinking a secret (or so I thought) but he knew the entire time. I no longer imbibe as I used to but if my hubby said "Therapy or divorce" I would choose therapy every time. I hope you can find a way to help her choose on her own to get help. Withdrawal from narcotics can be awful. good luck to you both!

Huge hug for you sweetie... I'm so sorry that you're going through this.. If your wife is an addict then it's important that you do this with medical intervention.. You both have to be safe
There are episodes of Intervention on Youtube that are really good about people getting sober
I would let her know that you'll help her in any way that you can to be sober however you will have nothing to do with her staying an addict essentially that's what an intervention does.. Then the ball is in her court.. She's the one who has to do this if she wants to... Bless you both... I hope that she does...xo

If she has mental health issues, she could be self-medicating. On the right meds, she could stabilize and not need to self-medicate.

BUT, with that said, I have really no idea. You all need experts, and your dad isn't an expert (is he?) AND he's too close the situation, as are you. Consult with experienced doctors and therapists. That's the best advice if you want solid, viable solutions.

We can share our experiences and give support, but that's about it. None of us are experts. Does that make sense? All the best.

Also if it were me dealing with such complex issues, I would consult multiple experts and get more than one opinion.

I've been married a really long time. It has always been my experience there are two sides to EVERYTHING concerning the marriage. It takes two to make or break it.

It will never work out for you as long as she feels ganged up on by you and your dad. In marriage and in my life, cleaning up around my own doorstep usually keeps me busy enough.

Simply, if you work on your issues, you may find her more willing to work on hers.

There is a Family and Friends of Addicts board on here that might be a good support for you fj

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Families-and-Friends-Of-Addicts/support-group