I have been feeling weird lately. I’m not sure how to explain it, I just don’t feel like myself. It’s like the rest of the world is in slow motion and I just want to go faster. The only things I want to do with my days are write novels or participate in sexual activities. I haven’t replied to a single friend in a few days just because I have no interest in having friends. Bigger and better things will come to me. I feel like I’m on the verge of doing something great too. Like if I just wait a little longer I’ll do something extraordinary. I’m never hungry lately either. I’ve spent a mass amount of money with buying nice things, like an iPad, and investing in the stock market.
And I know many of these symptoms are related to manic symptoms, but that’s where the question comes in. I don’t feel manic at all. My sleep is fine (maybe decreased by a couple hours, but fine) and my work is fine. The only difference is cutting off all my friends and dropping out of college to find a second job (which there’s a good reason for). I don’t feel super happy or euphoric. I am very irritated with people, which I know can be mania but I don’t want to punch them or anything, I’ll just let karma deal with them.
So, how do people differentiate between weird moods and mania?
Also, when I drive I keep genuinely thinking things are actually hidden bombs. A chunk of dirty ice? It’s actually a bomb. A box? Bomb. Dead animal? Bomb. Snow blowing in the wind? Smoke from a bomb. I think they’re all hidden bombs and visualize this dramatic scene of me flying out the window then picking myself up and saving everyone, but then every time and I pass it and realize it must not be a bomb, but every single time I see the next one the same process starts. I’ll even swerve after making sure there are no cars around to avoid there bombs. I’m not sure if this would be classified as psychosis? Can anyone give tips on this or if I should mention it to a professional, because it seems stupid to bring up after the situation passes.
I have always dealt with severe anxiety. Now we are living in a nightmare and fear is consuming me. I dream fear, if I can sleep at all. My stomach hurts all the time, I shake uncontrollably, I have full blown panic attacks several times a day, and the list goes on and on. It feels like I will never know happiness again.
I feel like my triggers are affecting everything in my life. Spots on the carpet reminds me of the pool of blood on the floor. Black button up shirts remind me of how desperate I was to take mine off becaue I couldn't breathe and help wasn't getting there fast enough. When do the triggers stop seeping into my life and stealing pieces of me? I am undergoing EMDR, and my therapist is a blessing....