I have no advice. I've pretty much given up on the notion of anyone understanding, no matter how bright, knowledgeable or well intentioned. But my heart goes out to you. It's frustrating. I hope to hone my ability to articulate the experience so perhaps others might understand to some greater degree. If I have any breakthroughs in communication I'll let you know.

All the best to you and your fellow. Try to be patient with him and hopefully time and experience will close the gap.

Hanna, people have a difficult time understanding what they are not going through themselves. It is like anything else, they have to see it happen enough just to begin to grasp it. I know that open communication has been all that works with my family and they try to understand the best they can. Over the years, it has become much easier for them.

I try to be as open as possible about how I feel or if I am cycling or if I think my meds are working. They do try to continue to support me and encourage me to do the things they know will help me even when I dont feel like doing them. This has been extremely helpful.

Just try to be open with him and share where you are. If he doesnt know how you feel, he cant understand why you cant do certain things. You are in my heart sweetie. Hugs

I'm open with him about how I'm feeling and such, but he's very insistent that I do things that I can't. Like "just do it even if you don't feel like it" when getting out of bed is the hardest thing imaginable, he wants me to have a good day.

He doesn't understand that my memory is failing me and he blames all doctors for making me the way I am. He thinks that all the medications are making me worse.

Thank you both for your replies though. xx

I understand that Hanna.....my father used to be that way. Encouragement is one thing but taking away your safety net (validation and treatment) goes beyond encouragement. Some people dont have a good opinion of pdocs and meds and he may just be one of them. Talk openly with him about how you feel about that. You need encouragement but not blaming of your resources for your problems. People who do not have BP just cant always understand. My brother, who has BP, unmedicated, still makes comments like that to me.

Try to be patient and avoid being offended. Tell him those comments hurt you and you need his encouragement, not his discouragement. Hugs

hell im bp and i dont understand it :(

I bookmarded some sites on my DH computor for him to read but he never did, he said "he's lived through it" meaning my mood swings but he still thinks that I should be able to change the way I feel. Of course I I can't even talk to him about my biggest trigger, (work) becasue it freaks him out when I bitch about work because he thinks I just gonna walk out. He just doesn't get it but he thinks he does.
Sorry Hanna, this probably doesn't help much.

no way to make anybody understand .B/P

My hubby flip flops from understanding BP is an illness I can't help, to thinking if I was just stronger or more self-willed or something, I would be better. He gives me instructions like: Don't get upset. Calm down. Don't work yourself up. Just get over it. Quit thinking you're sick and you won't be sick anymore.... stuff like that.

I really don't think anyone who isn't BP can really understand. Plus our loved ones feel helpless and they just want to "fix it". It is hard to accept that someone you love has an incurable, invisible illness. There is so much stigma and false information about meds and BP it's no wonder the normies don't get it...

Like my hubby, your fiance is just going to have to accept that he cannot understand everything in this universe, but just because you can't understand it doesn't meant it isn't real.

There is no such things as understanding, there is only unwilling.

Thank you all for your replies.

I know that no one can understand this illness unless they've lived it... but I'm trying so hard to at least have him accept what he cannot change.

I get that a lot...the "cheer up", "don't let it get the best of you", "it's these meds that are making you worse"... He still insists that I should act a certain way BP or not....like I'm supposed to be excited that we're getting our own place together...I am excited, but I hate moving and that's bringing me down.

i dont think anyone can really understand it unless they have it. they can try ...but they really cant. ...marie

I honestly believe no matter how compassionate or otherwise anyone on the planet can be, they'll never quite understand unless they experience the horrors that be from the illness. My boyfriend of two years still makes me frustrated now and again with his lack of understanding, not that he's not trying his damndest and that he dosen't accept it or me, he just dosen't get it sometimes and I feel so trapped inside :(

I've calmed down quite a bit. i used to have giant explosions of anger at him for not understanding, but now i just know he doesn't understand and I'm pretty quiet.

It seems like I'm a completely different person now from who I used to be.

I am not bipolar but my fiancee is. I do put as much understanding as I possibly can. I don't blame him for his episodes and take a lot of mean things being said to me when he's manic. I've had alot of people tell me how much they respect me for being able to stand by him, but I can't find a reason to gloat. I mean the illness is not who he is, he deserves love just as much as everyone else and well, I'd want the same understanding if I ever got dianosed. The one thing I think people may forget though is how hard it is for spouses who are not bipolar but love someone who is.

We get verbal lashings sometimes that can cut really deep. You may not mean it but it hurts, it can also sometimes even lead us into self-doubt such as he/she only has the episdoes around me, so I must be his/her trigger, I must make them unhappy. Though that may not be true those thoughts can enter our mind. Still, I think your fiancee should try to understand more, but like people say it cannot be forced. Just try to be patient together, growing in faith and love.

We act so normal some of the time that it is hard for pp to get their minds around the illness. Then when the illness hits us its like, "snap out of it" you're just acting ou for Chrissts sake" etc etc. " I am sorry you have to go thru this. I dont know what to tell him. Maybe if he came on here? You would have to change your name and avatar so he didnt know who you were after he'd been on. But itis an idea.