This post is very worrying. Im am ectremely worried about you. Is there anyone you can go to thats safe where you feel comfortable but are supported at the same time? Or could you call a crisis hotline or call a pdoc on call. These are very dangerous thoughts and should be taken very seriously. Please dont continue putting that blade over your wrist. Go somplace safe!Go to the hospital! You may very need a change of meds. Please keep us posted on how you are feeling!

Hmm... I feel calmly about suicide and the thoughts that come in too - I am kind of numb but almost in a positive way to it to be honest, but I have no real desire. Do you have OCD? You could be obsessing over death and how you could or would die - I did that and it was very very very graphic. They put me on meds for OCD and antipsychotics and it really helped.. Now cutting yourself - yea not a good idea. Are you obsessing over it? You should probably call your pdoc, and let them know - they may just want to tweak your meds and maybe add or increase antipsychotics and/or add OCD meds (well if that is your issue - I am just relating because it kind of reminds me of something I went though)

I really feel you hope20z... and yes, there's no worse feeling in the world but actually feeling OK w/ suicide. It's scary to others, but it's scarier that it doesn't really scare u that much, but it should. Stay away from sharp things, don't give in the temptation. Walk by the kitchen knife stand, and ignore it for a few times, might help u feel stronger. This also might be a reaction to medication change. Please, call you doctor in the am and let them know about those feelings. they need to change right away!!!

Why is feeling indifferent about suicide really the worst thing? I am feeling great and actually happy - and I still feel like that. Was in the ER a few days ago (for non psych reasons) and had to listen about two patients who did actually try to kill themselves. I just had no emotion about it at all. What did bother me however was the fact that some of the ER staff seemed to think it was funny and made fun of them - and another borderline patient who seems to visit their ER 3 times a week or so they said. I wish they wouldn't talk so loud others could hear.. and I am of course definitely complaining to their superiors on Monday. But still how is feeling indifferent about suicide really that horrible?

To Hope - What I find troubling, is that you are having those thoughts thoughts 24/7... are you obsessing over it do you think? are they coming like bam bam bam bam and you keep seeing it? Do you want to do it, or are just indifferent about it?

I experience the same, I have just had a long stay at hospital, I still get suicidal thoughts and they make me feel ...yes calm, like slipping between the sheets of a freshly made bed (it is odd but thats what I liken it to) I constantly have suicidal thoughts, like my brain is constantly trying to offer you a guide on how to kill yourself.

I still get them, not as frequently, and I was told I will have them for ever, but with come Cognative Behaverial therapy, and "Mindfullness" I am able to control the thoughts a bit better.

I dont know what else to suggest but seeing a psychologist in hospital was a big help, perhaps ask your pdoc about "Cognative Behaverial therapy, and Mindfullness"

The fact that you dont want to act on the thoughts is a posative, but invasive thoughts are a pain in the arse (I know there is a joke in that) I am also on Serroquel (i think that is how it is spellet) this is good at muting those thoughts and giving your head a chance to have a break.

I hope what I said is of some help and even better makes sense. :)

Sweety, I've been where you're at with that calmness and it's the absolute most dangerous place you can be in terms of state of mind. The suicidal act very naturally follows. Your psychiatrist shuffling around meds is like shuffling deck chairs on the Titanic. You need hospitalisation. Nothing else. Hospitalisation. Now.

I wasn't given that when I was in your headspace, I made a 100% serious suicide attempt and came as close to death as is possible without dying. 5 day coma, many medical interventions to save my life etc. Irreprabale harm to myself and to others - forever. I trult wouldn't want that to happen to you.

Please either call an ambulance now, go to the ER or call your psychiatrist if they are available immediately to speak to you and take action. The psychiatrists won't always step up to the plate and do what needs to be done - so you MUST do it if they won't help you.

Please look after yourself and then come back here when you can and tell us how you are. You're not alone in this, there are many people on this site who have been where you are at.

Please get help. Now. Call 911 or go to the ER. It is essential!

I 100% agree with WendyML's brutally honest reply.
!

And please let us know you are ok--we care.

I agree with most of the previous posts. You need to be somewhere where you will be safe. I have had times where I've had this happen to me as well, it's not a good sign. Feeling emotionally numb with intrusive visions/thoughts about suicide is a warning that your meds are not working for you like they should be. You do need to have them adjusted but I think it might be a good idea to stay in the hospital for a little while until you're feeling more stable. Please post again, all of us at DS are worried about you and would like to know how you are doing.