You are 'catastrophizing sweetie.... Dumping everything into one big melting pot and deciding that you can't handle it all.... No one can handle it all at once.... What can you do today or right now?
If you're in a depression coming on here and talking about seeing a new therapist is a good thing... Perhaps for your future thinking of taking one or two classes would maybe work.... It doesn't have to be all or nothing and certainly not all at once.... Big hug....xo

Just sent you a hug. I sent it before seeing your journal. Your status said Blah, but your journal indicates suicidal thoughts. Please don't do it. Life has a way of changing for the better, and you want to be alive to see it happen. Glad you will soon be seeing a therapist, honey.

you are in a slump right now and that is ok - you're allowed, you have an illness which floors us all some of the time. this too will pass and keep on with the baby steps and before you know it you will be feeling a lot better again. i hope this new therapist is a good one in all ways for you. hang in there and remember you are a strong and capable young woman. keep us posted on how you are doing. hugs.

Honestly I'm not sure how much I'm willing to let her help me. I don't want to get attached to her only to lose her. I don't want to like her only to be abandoned again. I think the abandonment is the first issue I'm gonna tackle with her. I don't have high hopes for this lady because I expect to be disappointed or dumped. It's what I'm used to

Two things kisses that helped me when I was in a similar place 1) feelings are not facts life is filled with change we cannot know or predict 2) the past is over don't use it as a textbook learn from it and move on.
Love yourself hon none of this is easy (((hugs)))

Thanks MayB. Good advice. I haven't had a real therapist apointment since April and I'm feeling the effects

You're such a beautiful person, kisses2016, and I'm glad you're reaching out here. Please don't give up on your potential and ability so easily. You don't see it right now, but you have a gift for the world that no one can provide but you. It does get better, and there are people like your therapist who genuinely care, even when it doesn't seem like it. Have you reached out to your Resident Advisor in the dorm about how you're feeling? Is there someone at home who you can keep in touch via phone, even while you're at school, just to keep a sense of constance?

If you feel like it's too much to handle, please call the National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255. I wish I was there to give you a huge hug in person. Having helped a friend through suicidal thoughts this year, I want you to know that it DOES get better. Keep fighting and know that you DESERVE to have the support network and life you need.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks brittly. I do live at home and am not in college at present. I've tried talking about my feelings to my family but they don't seem to know what to do with me other than encourage me to see a therapist and take my meds. They care in the only way they know how and I can't fault them for that. I just wish I had my old therapist but she ditched me after my last suicide attempt. I'm still not over that. I miss her every day and I don't know how to let in someone else

Big hug sweetie.... Remember that a therapist is a person who's trained and doing her/his job.... It's important to have a connection in so far as it's someone you can trust with revealing your feelings and experiences however I think that not getting too attached as you wrote is important... Remember that this person is going to want to help you to reach the next step.... xo

Please don't give up. I think you are overwhelming yourself thinking of all the things you can't do when there will eventually be so many things you can do. Take one class at a time, work a part time job, or simply work on any issues that might be keeping you from being the best you. This is such a struggle for us all. I agree that you can't get so involved with your therapist that your life and success lingers in their hands, but you can talk to t hem and let them do what they are trained to do and don't think that everyone of them will dump you because that isn't realistic. Hope this next one will be the one and you will build a trusting relationship and get some help and relief. Hugs

You know, sometimes you just have to take it a day at a time and not worry about the long range future. Focusing on 1 day can be plenty for some peeps. Don't worry about way down the road, life is full of so many twists and turns, its impossible to accurately plan anyway. For now just worry about each day. What you have in the near future is meeting your new Pdoc and deciding how you want to work that....and that's a lot of work. So going just a day at a time might make things a little easier to deal with it all.

Take care.

I feel this way sometimes, too. Hugs.

Amen to what Sun said... Keep posting, love yourself, and be patient with yourself too. Hugs

I've felt this way.....and have an appointment with a new counselor myself. I'm already thinking that she won't be able to help me - that I'm too far gone, in my case - I wasn't even crazy about her voice over the phone! We just have to take it a day at a time and put one foot in front of the other. If the counselor works out, great, if not, there are more to try. Realize getting better is a process that we just have to trust ourselves with. Many people are rooting for you....me included.