Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Keep in mind I was diagnosed in January of this year.
I've always been the one to keep it together in my family, by neccesity. I self medicated from the time of 11 or 12 until 19 with "hard stuff". 19 to 27 with alcohol, pain pills and sleeping pills.
Now I am starting to get on the right medications through trial and error. I don't want to drink now, and if I do, I'm capable of analyzing why and working through those feelings. So I'm making progress.
I find it very interesting that those with BPD have so many similar traits. It makes me feel like there are people who finally understand me when I have felt (in some ways) like an outsider all these years.
So without going through all of my life history, I've been the one to hold it together from the time I was very young, once my sister was born, interacting with my unmedicated BP father who had terrifiying rages. I held it all together. I parented the parent. I took care of my sister.
Now, I'm not sure who I am. I am re-inventing myself in some ways and changing old paterns of drinking and drugs. I have several serious issues going on such as my grandmother being very ill. As well as other issues that have hit me in rapid succession. Some days I feel like I'm not sure I can hold it together...like I'm just about to lose it. I feel like I should prepare should I ever be hospitalized but I have such extreme guilt because that means I'm not the care taker and I'm not even keeping myself together. But secretly, there is this part of me that wants to go away from it all and work through some problems. But then I can't, I have to keep it all toghether.
My therapist says, "I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself." I help others so why wouldn't I let others help me.
What is it like to be hospitalized?
I've always been the one to keep it together in my family, by neccesity. I self medicated from the time of 11 or 12 until 19 with "hard stuff". 19 to 27 with alcohol, pain pills and sleeping pills.
Now I am starting to get on the right medications through trial and error. I don't want to drink now, and if I do, I'm capable of analyzing why and working through those feelings. So I'm making progress.
I find it very interesting that those with BPD have so many similar traits. It makes me feel like there are people who finally understand me when I have felt (in some ways) like an outsider all these years.
So without going through all of my life history, I've been the one to hold it together from the time I was very young, once my sister was born, interacting with my unmedicated BP father who had terrifiying rages. I held it all together. I parented the parent. I took care of my sister.
Now, I'm not sure who I am. I am re-inventing myself in some ways and changing old paterns of drinking and drugs. I have several serious issues going on such as my grandmother being very ill. As well as other issues that have hit me in rapid succession. Some days I feel like I'm not sure I can hold it together...like I'm just about to lose it. I feel like I should prepare should I ever be hospitalized but I have such extreme guilt because that means I'm not the care taker and I'm not even keeping myself together. But secretly, there is this part of me that wants to go away from it all and work through some problems. But then I can't, I have to keep it all toghether.
My therapist says, "I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself." I help others so why wouldn't I let others help me.
What is it like to be hospitalized?
its important you give yourself permission to let things happen, not hold on so tight,..its often when we let go of control, that we start to realize how little control we actually had... if you were not there to do things, other people would have to.. this is a fact.. so take care of you so you can take better care of others.. you deserve it...
My experience of hospital was good... staff were nice, doctors were able to dx and formulate a treatment plan, it was nice not having to prepare meals or do dishes..lol.. .. I have no fear of hospitalization but having said that I am still doing everything I can to stay well ..((hugs)) polar
lmiklaucic, thank you for your response I feel like you really understand. I also feel guilt when thinking about the possibility of being hospitalized but at the same time I almost want the intense treatment and "vacation". It's weird.
polarbare - I really like the quote. It reminds me of one that I had forgotten....don't push the river. I need to remember to go with the flow. Plus I am going to request more frequent visits with my therapist. I think that may help.