Don't let people lay a guilt trip on you ayla. You have a serious illness and it will take up time and money. It's not your fault.
I hope things will start looking better for you and your meds will work correctly. All we can do is keep trying. Congrats on getting out of the hospital!

What I feel is not really guilt. I feel more like incapable. When I was diagnosed bipolar at 21, I felt like, "well this might be a challenge." A challenge it has been, with over 45 hospitalizations in 32 years, and now being on SSI for 13 years. I do my best to plug along one day at a time. I live each day IN THAT DAY. No past, no future, as much as I can.

It's just that every time I am re-hospitalized, it reminds me just that one more dang time that I am not what society would call an able bodied person. Even though I dedicate my time and my life to making a beautiful home for my self and my two invalid parents, I feel judged. And that stinks.

What else stinks is that I know that even if My parents died or were cured, I could never go back to work at my chosen profession, nursing, which I loved dearly. I am still grieving that loss of job and independence that came in 2003.

I guess it all comes down to anger and frustration versus acceptance, and resolving that conflict within myself.

I know the times I've gone into the hospital I felt like I let down my family and myself. Basically I felt like a big loser. While in the hospital and when I get out and see my therapist again they all point out to me that its me who is putting that kind of pressure on myself. None of my family actually said they were let down by me, they know its an illness that can totally mess with our world and how we perceive it at times. Sounds like you are feeling a little better with the new meds. As you said "give yourself a little tenderness and time." Be easy on yourself. Take care.

That is right you have to take care of yourself first to get yourself healthy because no else with do that for you. You have the right idea. Gentle Hugs coming your way and yes you will get there and feel better. We are all here to listen and talk whenever you need us.

I'm so glad that you're feeling better sweetie and I hope the new med does well

You are in NO way responsible in any way responsible for your mothers' depression Ayla ...It's an illness and you didn't give it to her .. So please don't take that on... Big hug...x

((((Hugs)))) to you! Take it easy on yourself...bouncing back after a hospitalization is hard work and requires support. Sounds like you've been giving lots of support to others and now it's time for you to be supported. If it's hard to come by remember that there is good support here and support groups in your area too I would imagine.

I had to quit my most favorite job in the world "letter carrier" because I got cancer. It still bothers me. I was never so happy in my life. Now, when I see a mail truck I get sad. Granted it wasn't bipolar that ended my career but an illness nonetheless.
We can't dwell on it though. Lots of people are hindered by illness. It doesn't make them or us any less of a person.
You're dealing with what has been given to you in life. And you're handling it. This is a good thing!