Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
My birthday is in July. So is my mother's and my father's. And my grandmother's. (My father's mother...who died on his birthday a couple of years ago.) I hate birthdays. I have a long history of abuse with my mother, my birthday is the day before my dad's, and how the fuck do I tell dad "happy birthday" after his mother died on his birthday? I remember getting the call on the day before my birthday. "she's got 24-48 hours". 24 hours would be my birthday. 48 would be dad's. I spent that whole day praying to whatever's out there that she'd die sooner than later. I didn't want dad's mom to die on his birthday.
I also hate birthdays, and holidays in general because I miss my family. I grew up in a cult. I left about 6 years ago. Since then, I've had extreme communication with my family. I've been spied on, I've been told quote "You're going to hell and taking me with you". My father said that. A few times.
My mother had been kicked out of the cult. So she's shunned by everyone. When her mother died, her brothers didn't even speak to her. Not even looked or breathed in her direction. My family is disgusted with me too. I'd done nothing wrong. I didn't get kicked out. I left, and it didn't settle well with others. For 3 years after I left, I had constant guilt. And I mean constant. It never went away. I've gotten quite a bit better, but when it comes close to my birthday...shit. the whole month of July is hellish. I just want a birthday with my family again. At least a birthday call. For years, my birthday is empty. People are supposed to have "their day". I don't want one, but I do. It makes no god damned sense.
I don't really mean to get into cults, abuse, death...but it goes along with July. Other holidays too, but for some reason July hits the hardest. We used to celebrate mine and dad's birthday for two days. I'd get my big gift on my birthday, he'd get a small one. Then I'd get a small one on his birthday, and he'd get his big one. And we set off fireworks. I heard fireworks last night and I lost it.
Guess I'm just ranting? I'm not sure here.
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Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
I don't have family really now.... At least my birth family is gone and I'm on my own.... I have little celebrations with friends now..... Yes it's different..... Not the same as a family bond however as ml wrote you can still celebrate you..... It does take some effort to make new celebrations and connections .... Sometimes to even want to.... Big hug...... Some therapy can help you to work towards this....... xo
mlr0853- "So on your birthday, can you do something spiritually or anything that will bring you a sense of recreating..or a 'rebirth' of yourself and life?"
No idea. HA! I mean, I really don't know. I can't think of "rebirth" without thinking "baptism" and baptism...ugh god.
SunCloudJD- I've been in therapy for the past year or so once the PTSD reared it's ass. I'm learning DBT, too. First time I've ever done therapy. 10 years of bipolar disorder and I always thought therapy was bullshit. Both have been helping. My boyfriend says he can see a difference. Just don't want to backslide. And I thought PTSD was only for vets, rape, and natural disaster survivors. Evidently not. Also thought repressed memories were bullshit. Evidently not.
kisses2016- Have fun celebrating with immediate family. If you have some to celebrate with, then fuck the "gathering", just enjoy them.
That sounds dumb from someone who's immediate family, and all family either see as a punching bag or the fucking plague.
But I do mean it. Have fun.
If I were to write out all traumatic events, it'd be a book. Book burning, yo.
I was joking with a friend just yesterday about how I'll be one of those artists who are poor and tormented during life, then rich and famous after they're dead. Which, I'm totally cool with. I've been keeping a journal since my accident (another fucked up story) which led to my disablement. I've flipped through them. Lots of things about the past written, suicide notes, entries while I was delusional (including my delusions of reference. talk about nonsense. made sense when I mapped it all out though!) I was telling him there's about 6 books that art historians will have a field day with. HA!
MoodbusT- Thank you as well. I've learned in therapy and DBT that a huge problem I have is the fact that I've never really shared or expressed emotions. "Bottled up". I wasn't allowed to show emotion. I was scolded and told I was weak, selfish, self-centered, a "spoiled bitch", and a sinner when I'd cry. (Depending on which parent saw me cry). So my fight or flight was more of like "don't move, maybe it'll go away". Like seeing a bear or some shit. I'd get emotional, I'd go flat. My homework in DBT, I remember a few times I had the homework everyone had, then the instructor would pull me aside and say "extra homework for you: cry in front of someone"