its got to stop, the mood changes, the ups, the downs, they need to stop. i was doing what i thought was so well, for a few days, and all of a sudden it hits me again and im in a down. this ones bad. i can barely cope. i dont want to get out of bed, dont want to move. just want to sleep. dont want to try. i do baby sitting, and im at work tonight, but the babys in bed, which is good because my mood is so down i can barely handle him, can barely engage with him, and thats not fair for him. i have engaged with him all day, playing with him and taking him for walks, but it takes all i have to do those little things and not get frustrated tonight. i dont know, just wish i wasnt in a down, things would be easier when it came to baby sitting, if i wasnt so down, things would be okay.

how do i make it go away? how do i feel better? my boyfriend even notices im in a bad mood, and he doesnt really know what to do about it. no one knows what to do with it... i mean.. whats there to do. i dotn see my counselor till end of month now.. but i do see my doctor. i dont have a pdoc yet, cause i sort of said screw it and just going to have my doctor deal with my meds.

why am i here? whats the point? can i just disappear? hide in ym room and avoid the world around me, everyone and everything? just disappear for a while, go to sleep and not wake up till things are better?