It's a long story and I already got disconnected once while trying to explain it earlier today.

I guess I'm just sick and tired of getting used constantly.

I consider myself to be compassionate and generous. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. But it's one thing to give the guy begging for change on the street corner a few dollars and another to try and be super man and a save a grown woman!

An old friend from rehab popped back up in my life. Now I haven't seen her for a few years. And I had no idea if she was clean or really any thing about her. But she was one of the nicest people in rehab too me so I could at least offer a friendship to her right?

Wrong. I find out she's having a crisis again. She's going homeless and needs money for a storage unit. She's going to pay me back on monday. And it was a lot of money! A couple hundred dollars!

She knew I had it since she figured out I just got SSDI. I just bought a new car and new furniture. She sees all this stuff so she guessed as much.

Now I was not feeling good about lending her that kind of money but I've always believed I'd rather get ripped off than turn my back on some one. So I lent it to her.

Now that's one thing I didn't really expect her to pay me back right away if ever. I could read the internal conflict going on in her face. So it left me wondering if she was lying or if she really was trying to get back on her feet.

Now some time goes by and I was avoiding her for awhile. But finally I answered her call and once again I came to her rescue. She didn't ask me for money right away but after a few days she needed a ride. She pulls out 600 dollars towards a security deposit on an apartment that she needs because she's homeless and going broke staying at the hotel. At this point I still didn't know for sure if she was telling me the truth or not but I gave her the extra that she needed.

But while all this is happening I'm carefully keeping track of every thing she's saying. It was bugging me for quite some time too. But her story just wasn't adding up. And once I thought about all the things she said that were obvious lies and how she was playing on my sympathy I started getting a little burned up over it. Especially because she was stressing me out emotionally. I have enough problems let alone trying to solve some one else's.

Finally last friday she calls me for a lift again. I lied and said I had an appointment and I'd call her back in an hour. Now she isn't asking for money but she's dropping bombs on me about how she needs 265$ as a prorate for the rest of the month of july so she can move in before the first. I started off saying I can't give you another dime I don't have it. Which now that I lent her all that money I myself am in a hole.

She got a little flippent on me and said " I didn't ask you for money!" And then she's listing off examples of things she's done to gain my trust. Which is true she could have stolen things but didn't. So I said I'd pick her up later that day. But it gave me plenty of time to think about what she just did and pick a part how her con was working on me. I wasn't stable enough mentally to handle her so I shut my phone off.

It was still stressing me out though because I know how these users operate. Once you give them a little bit they never stop asking. Even when you say no a few times they keep asking and trying to wear you down. But I know I'm not strong enough to deal with it right now. My nerves are raw.

So I sent her a text saying

"Our friend ship is terminated. Lose this number. You know where the NA meetings are. Have a nice life."

Now I don't know if she's using all though I'm pretty certain she is. about 90% sure of it. I can give a detailed explanation on why I know that later if some one asks but I'm just not in the mood to re hash a story that will take way longer than this to explain.

Now think what you will about how I went about cutting her off. But it sends a very clear message and I wanted this over and done with ASAP so I don't have to worry or stress over it. She hasn't called me since.

But I know that drug addicts can be very vindictive and some one tried to break into my car recently. They destroyed the weather strip on the passenger side to the point were it's noticeable when I drive. It sounds like the window is down when it's not.

But I don't know that it was her. First of all people are always looking in my car. Why I don't know. They walk past all the other cars but always stop and look in mine. I have a mazada 626 and it is very nice looking. But still they don't do this to any one elses car so why mine?
Also one of our neighbors recently had a rock thrown through his car's window. And that had nothing to do with her.

Now Janet my next door neighbor is telling me to watch out because the people across the street saw some of the drama with my friend from the past. They think I have money and now some one made comments about "She got her check today"

What is it about me? So many people have walked all over my heart! I already have severe trust issues. It took Janet a long time to gain my trust. Even Janet was crying over it. She said for two years you sat in that house with nothing. Not a single person bothered to check on you or help you. Now all the sudden people want your money! She said the day she saw my friend she knew that she was going to ask me for money.

At least I have Janet. She looks out for me. But why do these users keep being attracted to me? I managed to avoid them for years now it's like they can smell money that I no longer have. they are coming out of the wood work and trying to get friendly with me. And I'm not a friendly person either. I'm pretty nasty with people I don't know.

The only reason tonya got any money out of me is simply because I already knew her or thought I did.

My heart is broken and I'm losing my faith in humanity. Are there any decent people who aren't looking to use me left in this world?