Welcome Messy..... I am so sorry that you're going through this.... I have suicidal thoughts at times to.... I think most people do with this disorder

If you're looking for help to commit suicide... I would go to the hospital.... There is really good help to be had... I've had a couple of hospital admissions and all that you do is focus on getting well again and you will

I have taken suicide off of the table as an option.... I try and look at it as a symptom to our disorder now.... So I still have the thoughts at times.... If they go on for a while or progress in a serious way I know that I need to call my doctor as my disorder is worsening

I also tell myself that a thought does not require an action and I have to concentrate on this and talk to myself when this is going on because the thoughts are real and hard to bear

So this is how I deal with the thoughts of suicide..... If you are obsessing about it I think you need some medical intervention

We have a treatable disorder.... Please don't take a permanent solution for a temporary problem

I'm glad that you're here... This is a good site..... Big squishy hug.....xo

Everyone says the samething. I appreciate u replying. I'm not sure I want help to get better. I've been dealing with this my whole life and I'm tired. I want to be done for good. I've attempted before and failed and was put in a mental hospital. I won't go back. They treat u like a child there. I just don't know anymore

Sorry for all the questions but the answers will help us answer you

Are you diagnosed as bipolar?

Are you on meds?

What sort of thing were you looking for from us?

And, it would help me to know if you could share the text service that referred you to us

Were you charged for the text message referral to DS?

This is a peer support site and we aren't set up to help people who are suicidal really other than to offer our own experience.

You are in a depression Messy.... It's an illness that needs treatment.... I hope that you'll call your doctor.... You can find stability but you need help if you're planning to kill yourself

What would you tell someone you love if they were going to do this.... I doubt you'd say just go ahead

Do you see a therapist or psychiatrist? They are immensely helpful. I also battle suicidal thoughts and it sucks. But I hang in the the fact that my family loves me dearly and they would be devastated if I took my life. Hang in there

The most important thing to understand about bipolar depression and depression in general is that it is literally a waking nightmare. When I say literally I mean literally. Because of the physical aspects of the depression, your mind cannot think straight. Like in a dream, it all seems real until you wake up. The thoughts you're having are not real, there is a completely different reality on the other side of those thoughts. In that reality you may have the same life situation, the same struggles, the same shortcomings, the same strengths, but right now all you see is darkness and despair. You have to cultivate an intellectual understanding of what you are going through. Your emotions and the thoughts about suicide are being generated by a physical ailment. They are like symptoms of a cold, when you have a cold, you have a runny nose or stuffy nose you cough a lot and generally feel like crap. With bipolar depression you feel hopeless, worthless, and suicidal. Those are just symptoms.

I am a former math teacher and as such a mathematician. In mathmatics we have things called axioms and postulates. These are mathematical facts that we accept as true without proof, and then build theorems upon them. Accept these axioms

1. As long as your basic needs are being met, you have food and water, you have shelter, you are not in immediate danger, and you have people in your life that care about you and make you feel like you belong, you are okay. You can use this site for the last one if you need to.

2. You are in a nightmare, that you can and will eventually wake up from.

3. If you follow the advice of doctors, therapists, and people who are going through the same thing you are and have survived, you will wake up from The Nightmare.

4. Suicide is not an option.

5. Your life, no matter what condition it is in, will be tolerable, even enjoyable, once you are awake from The Nightmare. Things will be important to you, things will bring you Joy, you will find happiness and simple tasks, and challenges will be welcomed as opposed to barriers that seem unreachable.

The last one is the hardest one to accept. When I was at the bottom of my depression, I was a 47 year old man with a failed career and more bills than I had income for, and my house was falling apart. I felt like I was losing everything, that I was a loser, and that death would be better. After following the advice of fellow sufferers, doctors, therapists, and taking a reasonable medication, I find that my life is not changed. I'm a 50 year old man with a failed teaching career, more debt than I have income for, and My One True prized possession, my house, is falling apart because I can't afford to take care of it. Given the circumstances you would think I would feel despair. I do not. I simply see them as challenges and have faith that eventually I will rise to the occasion. Even as we speak and considering going back to school to get a degree to get a better job. None of this is possible when I'm depressed. It is all possible, and achievable, now that my depression is being managed.

I am no different than you are. No better, no worse, I don't think I have any more advantages than you do. I live through this, so can you. In fact, living through it has proven to be quite worth it.

I can't afford doctor's or therapy. If I tell people like that what's going on in my head they would lock me up n throw away the key. I see no way out anytime soon. I'm not a patient person and I can't take the wait to 'get better' I am defeated. I don't care anymore. I don't feel like anything will help. I appreciate everyone replying and sharing. I am not strong enough to stop myself or hold on anymorr. I get a sense of relief now that I've decided to go through with it. I am sorry.

Hey Messy- I feel for you-I was there, but with meds, change of living situation and much help I am happy again=the real ME. Suicide is not an option. You will wake from this Nightmare. xxx DS hugs oooo

I'm so sorry to hear how much of a terrible time you are having messyhead. I have also been dealing with Lot my whole life and am just now starting to accept it and gonna try to embrace it and bettermyself. I know you can do it to one day at a time. There is more to you then you can possible imagine it's just hard to find that person or passion for life that we have lost along the way. I can't tell you what to do but just know I well be hoping and praying for the best for you.

Messy, have you read any of the responses on this thread? There is great advice.

Suicidal urges are strange things. In fact, they have no grounding in reality. They are quite simply the brain making up things to try and control your situation. And the neurotransmitters are gradually emptied from your brain, so there is no way to bring the brain back to normal.

Instead of making suicide the plan, try something else first - for me and everyone else in this group. Try getting some meds and give them time to work. My husband was extremely depressed for 20 long years. As part of a reconciliation, I insisted he start medication. Well, he was amazed at the difference it made. And when he dipped low again, another AD was added to his mix. He really hasn't had a problem since, as long as he takes the meds.

I've been up and down and into depression since I was a young teen. I can now recognize that depression is really not about what or who I am, or what is happening in my life. I have severe and debilitating Rheumatoid Arthritis. There have been times the pain has been so bad I just wanted to die to escape it.

But, even in that excruciating state I know now that if I take some Wellbutrin, I can go on and live a good life, despite the pain. As for my terrible childhood and younger years, they don't affect me anymore. My mind has learned to recognize that the brain is sick. The physical brain needs help.

Instead of planning your suicide, expend some effort finding out how to get help. Find a state hospital that will admit you without insurance. (I assume you don't have any?) Find some depression support groups that are free where you can get support to go on living.

Praying for you to find help, and learn to live and enjoy life again!

sending lots of support and good wishes. i hope you feel more hope...you deserve it!

Hey messy, sounds like life is not being kind to you right now. I'm sorry your having such a tough time. Many of us here have been were you are at, some of us have been there many times. Have you checked with your County or Cities Social Services Dept, to see if they offer Mental Health Services? Most Cities/Counties in the U.S. do, and it's based on a reduced fee system where you're charged according to what you make, many times that can be free.

Just because you need to see a psychiatrist or talk to a therapist does not mean they would just lock you up in a psych ward. Dr.'s in these fields understand that the Severe Depression caused by BiPolar Disorder can often make someone fill suicidal, it's not unusual at all. I've been living with BiPolar Disorder w/Severe Suicidal Depression for 28 years now, all of my adult life and if my Pdoc put me inpatient every time I was suicidal I'd have spent a great deal of that time locked away. Instead we discuss things, feelings and emotions that cause the Suicidal urges, what can be done to make the stop, what can be done to make the depression better, what can be done to make life worth living.

Medication and talk therapy can make a very big difference Messy, you just have to be willing to ask for help and not give up. I know that does not sound like an easy thing, and I am not in any way trying to make it seem like it's no big deal, because I know it can be hard as heck....I also know having woken up from several failed suicide attempts that my brain was telling me it didn't really want to be dead, it just wanted the pain to stop.....and that can be done.

Take care Messy and make that call to Social Services, see if you can get some help out of this very difficult place your in.

Hi, my name is Rachelle. I'm brand new here. This will be my very first post on this site. I've been struggling with this shit my entire life, and your post broke my heart because I often find myself feeling just like you have described in your post. I have no knowledge of your background, you age, sex, marital status, living situation ect. But on a gut level, I relate. If you would like to talk or type lol please don't hesitate to msg or friend me

I am willing to talk but it won't change my decision. I have read everyone's comments but I simply have no fight left.

Hey MessyHead, hope you are still hanging around here..if you hang around long enough you will find stories of inspiration and hope and friends. Praying for you. I've been there and luckily my distorted thinking turned around in the nick of time. Praying for you. Huge Hugs!