I see pieces of myself scattered around in other people. I want to take those pieces. Shit. I want to take the pieces I notice and form a self because I've thought my SELF away!! I don't know what I'm doing or supposed to do anymore....

I am NOT who I'm supposed to be....

This life is NOT the one I am supposed to be in!!! I'm not supposed to be here. Not like this....not like this....

tats, I'm so sorry. I tend to catastrophize, and guess what, my catastrophes are becoming reality. I can completely relate.

I hope you begin to feel better. *HUGS*

As you know, I can also relate. Just not sure what to do about it...

Those kinds of truths are general truths, that may be generally true for the general population....when you have a mental problem that involves lack of mood (and therefore, thought) control, I don't think that truth applies. So much.

((( hugs )))

I know how you feel, BUT the real you is still there, it is like it is locked in a cage and can't get out. If the real you wasn't still there somewhere, you couldn't have made that post becuase everything would be "normal" But you KNOW it is not normal, so the real has to be inside of you somewhere. With me it is in a cage (I can even see my real self locked in there), but it has no key to get out. All these meds and the therapy are supposed to unlock that cage so that we can get out, but nothing helps. I think in a way some of us, including me, has given up and that is wrong. As hard as it is we need to keep fighting because we are the only ones that hold the key to letting our real selves out. Please don't ask me for advice on how to do this because Ihaven't a clue---yet. But we have to hope we WILL find the way to unlock that cage and let us out.

I can't even write about what is going on in my mind right now....too many parts and pieces.....of total shit!!!

What the hell is happening to me!!

You sound emotionally detached...that's why you see yourself in other people....you are still recognizing your own traits, just can't feel them right now...this will pass....

Hey tats69 I totally agree with you that your thoughts create your reality. I totally disagree with starfish, big time! To say that because you have a mental illness you have no thought control is just giving up/away any responsibilty for yourself. At least that's what it sounds like to me. I have felt the same way you do, and still do in many ways in my life. The best things about your thinking is that you can decide to change it on a moments notice. Yes, it can be hard/challenging/scary/ whatever. but once you decide to change it that's all it takes. I write myself notes to put up around my house to remind myself to think better, more positive thoughts. I think the most important thing is not to beat yourself up if you have negative thoughts, or "slip up" in your decision to change your thinking. It's habitual and takes dicipline to change your thinking but you can do it. When you do, your' life, and yourself will start to change for the better, just like it did for the negative. You got this girl! You can do it! Just being aware of it is the first and most important step. Now you'll notice when you're thinking negative crap and you can immediately tell yourself the opposite. It doesn't matter if you believe it or not, your mind doesn't know the difference, and eventually you will start to know the positive is true.

i just want to hurt myself for simply breathing air......

I have to get out of this freaking house before I take a match to it.....I'm sorry for writing all this. Nothing is making any sense....

Shannon, that's why I put the "so much" at the end of what I said. I actually agree with you about the responsibility part....and what I was trying to convey, is the flip-side of that coin, which is what tats was saying to begin with; that our thoughts are our reality....and I was saying, that's only true to a degree....especially for those who have uncontrollable thought issues like we do. And, yes, they someimtes are uncontrollable for us. That is our reality. That is why we have to take meds, or suffer the consequences. Which are beyond our control, even to some degree, when we're taking our medication.

tats, ((( hugs ))) Maybe some exercise would help calm you down, I think that's a good idea.

To Starfish, sorry for the misunderstanding. I get what you're saying, and I agree with you. I do know that when I'm feeling so out of control, it helps me to remember that I am, in fact, in control, and it really can be a simple as changing my mind/thinking. I do think "we" have a tendency to complicate the shi* out of things and it's not always that complicated. Thanks for the clarification! To tats69, breathe, just breathe, this moment will pass. Can you go see a friend? Go to a park? A mall? Something that will take you out of thinking about yourself. My highest and best thoughts are with you!!

Thanks, Shannon.... ((( a DS " I'm with you" hug )))