No wonder you are feeling bad, not just because of the manic letdown but your forgetting to take your meds. As far as a tdoc is concerned, surely she left someone to take call for her. It may not be like seeing your regular therapist but most therapists can understand bipolar symptomology, kind of like BP 101. As far as your meds are concerned call your pdoc and let him/her know what's going on.

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way -- especially because you strike me as such a kind and giving person. You're always there when someone needs advice or help on the board. If possible, I'd advise trying to insist with your therapist's office. It's hard to be aggressive if you're feeling bad (and/or just not the aggressive type -- like me) but it's your health and well-being and, darn it, it needs consideration now! You deserve this care. Good luck advocating for yourself as effectively as you advocate for others.

I may be able to get to see someone while she is on vacation. I go to the guidance center, and there's always the hotline. I am sure I can use that if I get any worse. I think what I really need to do is write about this. I might feel a little release if I put it in poem form. My daughter is coming home soon. Ia m not so depressed I am suicidal, but I will be if I don't nip this potential depressive episode soon. I will be talking to my pdoc tomorrow hopefully. I am sure I will be able to get things straightened out. When I got off the phone with my therapist, I told her I would try to change my mood, as I know from being a bipolar that our moods do pass. I put on get your shine on by Jessie McCartney, and still feel tired, exhausted and down. I am only slightly better. Thanks for your guys support. I think I might try to get back to cleaning today despite how bad I am feeling. I am also going to go make myself a cup of the camimile tea or tension tamer tea that I was promoting the benifits of earlier. Herbal tea is good for the body and good for the soul.

Those all sound like great ideas and plans. You're strong for putting them into effect. Thinking of you!

Be looking forward for another journal entry filled with deeply gloomy poetry soon.....I have about 10 min before the child is home.

hey there BP princess, I'm a depressive, perhaps I can help. Go to walgreens/whatever drug store and get liquid Vitamin B with B12. It's about 5 or 6 bucks. Also some megavitamin B pills. Take about 2 0r 3 doses of the liquid B and later some of the pills with a meal. B12 is instant energy. And b vitamins won't cause mania; they tend to balance you. Also, do even 5 or 10 minutes of exercise to get your circulation going. More exercise is better.

I will make my husband get me some from the store. This weekend I am going to have a september labor day cookout, and I need to call all my friends who are coming and ask them what they are bringing, so I can coordinate with my other guests. Thanks for the advice zsa, I will take heed. I am not sure what I am more one or the other. I am a rapid cycler, so I can cycle out of an episode as fast as I fall in. I mean I was only manic for three days before this

I drank a cup of hot camomile tea and dumped three big squirts of honey into the cup with some milk, and still nothing. I am at my wits end. I even wrote some dark and gloomy poetry.

I am in a gloomy dispair

Worse than the harshest of storms

It seems that no one understands me

Not even my therapist

My deepest wish

Is that once

They would just walk a mile

Within my shoes

Inside this deep field of thorns

Not even from within does the sun glare

into my gloomy heart

Then maybe they will see

What it feels like

Not to be free

From the chains of this torture

That is gleaming deep within my soul

I used to like standing out in the rain

until the thunder and lightning would frighten me so bad

That I would jump outside of my own shadow

All I wanted to do was cry in pain on the inside

Imagine being my therapist and looking from the outside

Upon seeing my deep rooted pain that I struggle from within

I feel like I am in the worst hell imaginable

But, how to get out, I am not sure it is plausible

It saddens me to see

That I keep wishing for something magical

Something inspirational to fill this hole

That is just so empy inside that I feel neither hope nor pride

The rash that I had went away when they decreased my dose to 25 mg. I am now up to fifty and I do not itch or anything when it used to make me itch really bad when taking that much in the beginning. Tryleptol and Zyprexa stopped working on me

I have even been on celexa, zoloft, lexapro, effexor, Vistaril, and nothing seems to stop this monserous disease. It gets immune to all of the drugs and continues to attack me.

Telling me this makes me feel terrible already. My mind's beginning to think that I am not going to overcome this episode. I am aware of the lamictal rash. If they raise me to 75 and I itch, I will immediately stop taking it.