No one would want or wish bipolar on anyone. But the truth is, people have it. You can begin to treat when you know what it is. Education.
I'm sorry you're having to face bipolar. I'll not lie, it can be trying, but there are parts of it that I don't want to lose, primarily my ability to want to do new things when I'm feeling better and my ability to take them on fully and with abandon. But! I must learn and use caution. My people, those around me, are going through this with me and are great input with the doctors and therapists, as long as they are grounded in reality

I feel the same way. I wish I could feel joy again. I don't like what bp has done to my life. You're not alone in feeling this way. Big hugs.

Hi welcome,

Most of us feel this way....sorry it's going on for you. Time tends to heal this wound...but it's hard to be patient and to trust..

Find your way to sleep, eat occasionally and doing something to relax.....this make take awhile to sort out....

People don't often compare grieving Diagnosis of a Mental Illness with grieving for a lost loved one. But the thing is instead of losing someone you loved, you’ve lost yourself, or at least your conception of yourself.

There are 5 general Stages of Grieving your Mental Illness.

Denial: Denial is the first stage, in many cases, people don't believe the diagnosis. They think, “they’re all playing a trick on me to make me think I’m crazy, it’s all a ruse.” or they just refuse to think of it at all and life continues to fly off the rails.

Anger: denial and mistrust segues into the second stage, anger. You get angry with your Parents or Spouse, for making you get help. You get angry with the doctors who try to force me into a view of health I had yet to accept. If I was crazy, I was gonna get well on my own.

Bargaining: This is the third stage. If you've been put into the Hospital you bargain with the Dr.'s to do what they want so you can get home. People bargain with God, "Take this from me and I'll never do another bad thing." Its impressive the way a patient with Mental Illness can figure out how and who to bargain with, so they get their way...which is generally back home, left alone, and not having to consider this ridiculous Diagnosis.

Depression: The fourth stage. There are days you feel so sick, worn down, and lost that you don't want to get out of bed. As you start to understand the seriousness of the Illness you begin to withdraw, isolate, spend a lot of time in your head asking "why" questions, that have no answer. You can find no way in your despair to remotely begin to think of how to deal with this Illness. The depression can last for a long time. You can exist in a daze without hope for months. Too tired to speak, too frustrated with med side effects, to upset by what Therapists want you to talk about.

At this point you normally come to a crossroads of sorts, you can not want to deal with any of it, stop taking care of yourself, Stop caring about your health and gain weight and get so bogged down by depression, delusions and questions you can't find answers to that you prefer to not even go out into public.

OR

Acceptance: The last stage is acceptance. You can decide that you don't want to be like that, decide that you want to learn about this Mental Illness you have and want to research and learn about it. You get to a point where you find a good Pdoc and Therapist and start to manage your Illness. Like anything else it takes a great deal of time to get to that point.

Acceptance is the point at which you say to yourself, “OK, maybe the things I experience aren’t real. Maybe I actually am sick. After all, there’s no basis in reality for any of my beliefs, and I’ve noticed that when I take my meds I seem to feel better. Maybe there’s actually something to this.”

To accept things, move on and get better, though, you need intuition to realize you’re sick. You need fear to motivate you to conquer it. Most of all you need hope that one day things will get better.

Nobody wants to be BiPolar or any other Mental Illness, but we don't always get to choose what we want. How we decide to deal with these bumps in the road, goes a long way towards our Management Plan. Once you accept your Diagnosis and start working with your Pdoc on a good Medication Cocktail and finding a good Therapist, because you do need someone to talk to about all the things that will come up with this Disease. Journaling and putting your thoughts and emotions down on paper can be a very therapeutic way to handle the ever changing mood swings of BiPolar.

It can get better, if you're willing to put in the work, because this is a lifetime disease, one that must be intertwined with your regular everyday life. From your Therapist you'll learn coping skills and tools to help you manage the symptoms. You can have a life, with all you want. Once your Stable, then whatever you want to do is out there for you.

Take care,