I don’t know where to start I’m withdrawing from psych meds

I’m trying to hold my shit together so I can learn a new job

I am in serious pain. I got my MRI results back, and my back is one hundred shades of screwed up.  I am in a lot of pain. My doctor said she thinks I need back surgery and seriously suggested that I go see a neurosurgeon. But I can’t, because I just started a new job, and I need to make a living, so I can’t take any time off. Sitting hurts me more than standing, but my knees are so bad that when I stand for too long my legs hurt and my knees hurt. And my new job I’m sitting most of the time. I really really like my new job And I really like the people I work with. So I am really really really trying to make this work.

And yesterday, my neighbor, who is drunk as a skunk half of the time, drove Her car through the garage door in the wall and into the garage, which adjoins my apartment. I was home when it happened and it scared me half to death. I ran out in my socks because it scared me so bad. She was drunk, I had to call the landlord, and he called the police and they came and   Arrested her for drinking and driving. So she probably will be after me because she’ll think I called the cops. When I came out there to see what was going on and saw what had happened, I questioned her I asked her whether she was drinking or not. Or is she was so drunk she probably doesn’t even remember it. So that was very unsettling. I’m just very thankful that she didn’t actually Smash into my apartment, because it easily could’ve happened.

And then the big one. My mother. Her husband had to have emergency surgery on  Thursday night, due to an intestinal obstruction. He was still in the hospital today, and he will probably be in there for about a week. My mother has COPD very bad. Typically, he does everything for her. So now she’s on her own. She asked me to go get groceries for her on Friday. I told her that I would , But I needed help with gas money to do running around for her, because I don’t get my first paycheck at my new job until this coming week, and I literally have no money and only a half a tank a gas. She told me that I only do things for people “” if I get paid”. So things of gone steadily downhill from there. Today, it’s her birthday. So, against my better judgment, went over to her house. She was downright abusive towards me. I even taped it on my voice recorder on my phone. It was insane. But here’s the thing. She is my mother and I do love her. But I feel like I have to put up with her abuse, because if I don’t speak to her , And leave her alone so that she doesn’t hurt me, that I’m going to feel guilty for not doing enough for her. I’m also not speaking to my sister again. I’ve blocked her out of my life now for good and I’m done. I told her before that if something were to happen to our mother’s husband, I couldn’t take care of her.  And I can’t, physically or mentally. She’s nasty to me she is awful. She was abusive to us when we were kids. And now that her oxygen level is down, it’s affecting her sanity even more. I don’t know what to do.I really think that if I take the guilt part of the equation,  that it would just be best if I walk away from the situation and be done with it. Even if she was nice to me, she needs more care than I can actually give her, even if things were good between us. She is very ill and it makes me sad because I do love her. But I don’t think I’m mentally or physically equipped to deal with this. Am I a horrible person? I feel like Like one.