Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I feel like I'm seriously ill and no one is buying it. Everyone thinks I'm crying wolf and trying to get sympathy and pain pills.
I ran out of Tramadol on... I wanna say Friday. I called my aunt 'hysterical' Friday night, she offered to take me to the ER. OFFERED. And came over without hesitation. The car ride there she's like "Are you going to tell the whole truth?" and I'm like "What?" "That you're bipolar and withdrawaling from pills right now and having a panic attack, and you need residential psychiatric treatment so you can go back to rehab" and I was just flabberghasted, it caught me off-guard 100%.
And I said "No, please don't say that, I'm going because I feel sick, like shit, and I'm not sure what else to do. You have no idea how serious going to the ER for 'psychiatric illness' is, they will place me on involuntary hold and send me to the psych hospital after 3 days in the isolation ward." And she's like "Exactly! That's where you need to go."
And I beg her to not say anything about my illness because that was not what I meant when I said I needed to go up there... She kept loudly repeating herself in the waiting room- "I'm done. I'm done. I'm so fucking done if you're not going to tell the whole truth. I'm not doing this ever again for you unless you admit every single thing that's wrong with you." And I try to explain that the ER is just for your most immediate, serious problem, not -every single problem you have-
To which she says "Oh no, you're not double-talking your way out of this one. You might be able to play dumb with your mother and everyone else and manipulate them, but not me" And basically told me she felt like she was complicit in a 'drug run' for me to manipulate the doctors into giving me what I wanted- according to her, pain pills.
And my mother believes her. My grandparents too. When we went to pick them up yesterday, she kept bitching, saying it was extremely inconsiderate and disrespectful of me to 'trick her' into 'doing that for me' in the middle of the night. She fucking offered and if she would've said no, I wouldn't have argued.
I felt lower than a goddamn mutt that night, and the next day. Like I wasn't worth it. She said "You know I love you and would go to the ends of the earth for you if you were truly sick or running a fever or something" fucking liar. I was sick and am. The thought of her face makes me fucking sick. And I just know her daughter's gonna bully me over this because she thinks I want attention and pain pills more than anyone else.
Let's fast-forward to Sunday morning, 2 am. This morning. I was awoken by the worst stomach cramps I've ever had, worst pain of my life, I started my (menstrual) cycle, which I noticed when I went into the bathroom, trying to figure what the hell my problem was.
With every step I was overwhelmed by a hot flash, extreme dizziness and agonizing pain, I took my last 2 Tramadol from Friday (I got a few, I mean, about 5) and called 911 on myself. It felt like I was going to have a baby, which I'm damn sure not, because I don't have sex with anyone, ever, and haven't since the summer, and have been pregnancy tested several times since, with several 'cycles'.
When the ambulance got here my cramps were less bad, so I sent them away and got some sleep, wondering what in the hell that was all about. Embarassingly enough.
I felt fine when I woke up today. However just an hour or so ago, I again got the heart palpitations, nausea, cramps, and sickening 'heatwaves'. I got some Phenergan Friday with Amoxicillin and Ultram, but my family refused to pay for anything but the Ultram because not a soul believes I'm sick, the Amoxicillin was free.
I just a minute ago asked my mother if my grandparents would be angry if I asked them to pick up my Phenergan, she said "Yes. They definitely would be. They're out shopping, your aunt is sick from doing that for you, and still furious about it."
And my mum's sick and can't take me. She's the only one left who has even a shred of sympathy left for me, and she's out.
I don't have insurance and both the local ERs are fed up with me and believe I want them to treat me for maintenance pain, and am a hypochondriac and a p*ssy, basically. Oh and my aunt also decided to tell me in the car that no doctor in America will treat me with maintenance pain medication for 'stomach issues', and that because I elect to take pain medicine and went to rehab over the summer, thinking I was an addict, the system now considers me an addict, and SSI/Medicaid are completely OUT with no questions asked unless I go back to rehab and abstain from all medicines for months.
I'm just so much in pain and so worried about myself and nobody else is. This is all just a very clear reminder that I'm 'the boy who cried wolf' and will not be helped until I contribute something to society, despite the fact that I can barely stand up right now.
I honestly feel like I have a heart condition, a stomach ulcer, fucking something that requires diagnostic tests that I can't pay for, and according to my family, I'm not getting SSI ever either.
I've never wanted to kill myself this bad before. I cut two days ago and nobody's noticed yet, luckily. It's not that bad. I was worried I'd cut too deep and I'd have to go to the ER and get stitches and would get 10-13'd while in dying constant pain, with no escape for 72 hours. I just want to tie a belt up on the balcony and jump, but I'm afraid I'm going to fuck it up somehow, knowing my luck, which will land me in a 10-13, which is my BIGGEST FEAR right now because when you're sick in the isolation ward and need somebody, nobody's coming for you.
I have no one left on my side in the world and I've never been so sick. I took a Xanax a little while ago. I don't know what to do... I want proof that I'm sick, but I cannot afford it. The ER only gives piss tests and blood tests and vitals if you go in with my symptoms, especially with them not taking me seriously at all lately.
And I'm so heart broken that my aunt was so callous and doesn't believe I'm sick and if I try to say so she cuts me off, like, "Cut it with the bullshit, I'm done, I'm sick of hearing it". I don't want to do Christmas this year. My family's breaking my heart and I'm so isolated and stressed and sick and I have no reason to live, even though the thought of failing another suicide attempt is too much...!
I just need to be on okay terms with my family, but it's worst than ever before. It's going to break my heart if I go to the Christmas family gathering, but it'll break it also if I don't go and am alone that day.
I ran out of Tramadol on... I wanna say Friday. I called my aunt 'hysterical' Friday night, she offered to take me to the ER. OFFERED. And came over without hesitation. The car ride there she's like "Are you going to tell the whole truth?" and I'm like "What?" "That you're bipolar and withdrawaling from pills right now and having a panic attack, and you need residential psychiatric treatment so you can go back to rehab" and I was just flabberghasted, it caught me off-guard 100%.
And I said "No, please don't say that, I'm going because I feel sick, like shit, and I'm not sure what else to do. You have no idea how serious going to the ER for 'psychiatric illness' is, they will place me on involuntary hold and send me to the psych hospital after 3 days in the isolation ward." And she's like "Exactly! That's where you need to go."
And I beg her to not say anything about my illness because that was not what I meant when I said I needed to go up there... She kept loudly repeating herself in the waiting room- "I'm done. I'm done. I'm so fucking done if you're not going to tell the whole truth. I'm not doing this ever again for you unless you admit every single thing that's wrong with you." And I try to explain that the ER is just for your most immediate, serious problem, not -every single problem you have-
To which she says "Oh no, you're not double-talking your way out of this one. You might be able to play dumb with your mother and everyone else and manipulate them, but not me" And basically told me she felt like she was complicit in a 'drug run' for me to manipulate the doctors into giving me what I wanted- according to her, pain pills.
And my mother believes her. My grandparents too. When we went to pick them up yesterday, she kept bitching, saying it was extremely inconsiderate and disrespectful of me to 'trick her' into 'doing that for me' in the middle of the night. She fucking offered and if she would've said no, I wouldn't have argued.
I felt lower than a goddamn mutt that night, and the next day. Like I wasn't worth it. She said "You know I love you and would go to the ends of the earth for you if you were truly sick or running a fever or something" fucking liar. I was sick and am. The thought of her face makes me fucking sick. And I just know her daughter's gonna bully me over this because she thinks I want attention and pain pills more than anyone else.
Let's fast-forward to Sunday morning, 2 am. This morning. I was awoken by the worst stomach cramps I've ever had, worst pain of my life, I started my (menstrual) cycle, which I noticed when I went into the bathroom, trying to figure what the hell my problem was.
With every step I was overwhelmed by a hot flash, extreme dizziness and agonizing pain, I took my last 2 Tramadol from Friday (I got a few, I mean, about 5) and called 911 on myself. It felt like I was going to have a baby, which I'm damn sure not, because I don't have sex with anyone, ever, and haven't since the summer, and have been pregnancy tested several times since, with several 'cycles'.
When the ambulance got here my cramps were less bad, so I sent them away and got some sleep, wondering what in the hell that was all about. Embarassingly enough.
I felt fine when I woke up today. However just an hour or so ago, I again got the heart palpitations, nausea, cramps, and sickening 'heatwaves'. I got some Phenergan Friday with Amoxicillin and Ultram, but my family refused to pay for anything but the Ultram because not a soul believes I'm sick, the Amoxicillin was free.
I just a minute ago asked my mother if my grandparents would be angry if I asked them to pick up my Phenergan, she said "Yes. They definitely would be. They're out shopping, your aunt is sick from doing that for you, and still furious about it."
And my mum's sick and can't take me. She's the only one left who has even a shred of sympathy left for me, and she's out.
I don't have insurance and both the local ERs are fed up with me and believe I want them to treat me for maintenance pain, and am a hypochondriac and a p*ssy, basically. Oh and my aunt also decided to tell me in the car that no doctor in America will treat me with maintenance pain medication for 'stomach issues', and that because I elect to take pain medicine and went to rehab over the summer, thinking I was an addict, the system now considers me an addict, and SSI/Medicaid are completely OUT with no questions asked unless I go back to rehab and abstain from all medicines for months.
I'm just so much in pain and so worried about myself and nobody else is. This is all just a very clear reminder that I'm 'the boy who cried wolf' and will not be helped until I contribute something to society, despite the fact that I can barely stand up right now.
I honestly feel like I have a heart condition, a stomach ulcer, fucking something that requires diagnostic tests that I can't pay for, and according to my family, I'm not getting SSI ever either.
I've never wanted to kill myself this bad before. I cut two days ago and nobody's noticed yet, luckily. It's not that bad. I was worried I'd cut too deep and I'd have to go to the ER and get stitches and would get 10-13'd while in dying constant pain, with no escape for 72 hours. I just want to tie a belt up on the balcony and jump, but I'm afraid I'm going to fuck it up somehow, knowing my luck, which will land me in a 10-13, which is my BIGGEST FEAR right now because when you're sick in the isolation ward and need somebody, nobody's coming for you.
I have no one left on my side in the world and I've never been so sick. I took a Xanax a little while ago. I don't know what to do... I want proof that I'm sick, but I cannot afford it. The ER only gives piss tests and blood tests and vitals if you go in with my symptoms, especially with them not taking me seriously at all lately.
And I'm so heart broken that my aunt was so callous and doesn't believe I'm sick and if I try to say so she cuts me off, like, "Cut it with the bullshit, I'm done, I'm sick of hearing it". I don't want to do Christmas this year. My family's breaking my heart and I'm so isolated and stressed and sick and I have no reason to live, even though the thought of failing another suicide attempt is too much...!
I just need to be on okay terms with my family, but it's worst than ever before. It's going to break my heart if I go to the Christmas family gathering, but it'll break it also if I don't go and am alone that day.
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The weeks seem to fly by!Happy Saturday to everyoneI hope that the weekend brings some chill time and barbecuesDoes it take others what seems like forever to add a comment on the boards?I'm okay everywhere else except boards..Everywhere else adds normally but it's annoyingly slow!Have a great Saturday and do something nice for you!!Big hug...xo
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I'm feeling down,, and got alot on my mind right now. I got grief going on, on top my depression and anxiety and now I got to worry about somewhere to live since I can't afford living here since my mom passed. So many bad things have happened since my mom passed. One thing after another it seems. Yesterday our fence fell from a storm that hit, had to call someone to prop it up. Thank...
Perhaps make an appt with your GP or physician who's treating your pain and discuss what you're going through, pain and meds... I hope you have a nice and peaceful Christmas with your family....xo
I hope you feel better soon - so many drugs going in and out, sometimes without food or just being ill - they are start working worse, and make you sicker - so being sick, in pain..... meds make you want to puke whether they work or not, but again - shit doesn't work right if the whole body is fucked up (((((BIG HUG)))))
Sometimes families just don't get it. They don't see MI as a biological disease - which IT IS! I'm just so sorry they made you feel so terrible.
If I were you, I would calmly talk to your mom. My mother was my biggest supporter, too. Don't ask her to choose sides, just ask her to hear you and help you. I have a feeling she will do it gladly.
Have you ever had this type of pain before? I always had debilitating cramps and would have a "sick day" at least 1--2 days of the month. If that is what is going on with you, there is help for it. I won't go into the details here but women don't have to live with that anymore. Get a woman doctor preferably.
Tell your aunt "sorry you were so inconvenienced, I will never call you for help again" and don't ever call her for help again. It doesn't sound like she was very much help. Then put a pretty smile on your face and enjoy your Christmas. Thank God for your mother - she is your friend and ally. If your cousin has any negative input, tell her to mind her own business. Like my family it sounds like they have enough of their own problems to deal with.
I hope you are feeling better this morning. If you are, that will give you a clue that the problem is with your cycle. Feel free to message me if you want to talk.
P.S. Forgot to say, withdrawal from medication can cause severe abdominal pains, nausea and other stomach upsets. The nature of the pain, the location and the timing will help with a diagnosis and hopefully you won't have to go through any of this again.