No never alone even though it seems like most of the time. Have you posted on General topics section.? More ppl will know about your pain

Those ppl pulled me out of darkness out of love and support last week. A friend of yours posted to general so replies are coming.

Don't give up, it's different time zones from all over the world but you will get them. Hang on okay?

Hi frusciante,
I'm sorry you're struggling so much, and have not found much support today. I hope your t will get back to you first thing in the am.

When I feel so close to suicide, my t reminds me that this is not a static state, it is dynamic, and WILL CHANGE. Sometimes waiting for the change is hell, but it comes. Try to take it moment by moment, and if you have to go to the ER, go.

I will tell you that this board (the BP board in general) tends to be VERY SLOW at night, so if you don't get many replies tonight don't think that people don't care....they're just not around.

I hope you can get some sleep tonight, and start to feel better tomorrow.

I am sorry you have not felt supported tonight. It's so tough when you feel like people aren't around when you need them to be. I hope you will hear back from your tdoc tomorrow and I would describe the feelings you're processing of what you're covering in therapy at the moment..... It is so hard to know how to handle everything. I don't have any good therapist's words to offer but just want to let you know you are not alone. ((((Hugs))))

The one thing that you can tell yourself at any given time on any given day is you are never alone. There are folks out there feeling the same pain, the same confusion, the same aloneness, the same quest for answers that would make life easier to live.....you are never alone.

Living with physical medical conditions is hard enough but adding the psychological medical conditions on top of that makes it very hard to make your mind "want" to get up and make each day a better one. It can be too easy to say, what the hell, who needs it. But you have many reasons to keep fighting for your peace of mind and stability, you have 2 incredibly special reasons...your 2 beautiful babies.

I know it's very easy to feel alone when another human is not around to talk to us, or just sit with us. Support Boards work some what, people reach out and let you know that we're here and we care. I know for myself when my depression turns into a black hole of despair and people aren't around I tend to journal, all the painful, hurtful, confusing crap in my head goes down on paper...some times I'll write and fill up 1 or 2 Journals just getting the crap out of my head. Because once I get my brain off that "loop" of crap then I can use the coping tools my Pdoc has taught me to calm myself, to relax, to self soothe and think of times and places that are the polar opposite of the bad crap that began the depression. I have a small arsenal of perfectly awesome memories that I keep in my arsenal of coping skills, and when I get all the crap out I just start the "good memory loop" until I can get up and go for a walk for 10 or 15 minutes, until I can take a shower and get dressed and made up, until I can feel like making something to eat....you see where this is going.

Battling this disease is a series of skills and steps, and you use these to build your tool box full of coping tools. Managing depression ironic as it is, is mostly a mindgame that you have to play with yourself, because you have to talk yourself out of the bad and into the good. And then you have to start doing the small things like getting up, showering, staying out of bed, being with your kids, etc.

Hang in there and remember you can do this, you can make it out of the darkness and back into the light and your never alone.

CP

Big hug for you frusciante... I didn't see your post last night....I'm sorry...

I hope you were able to get hold of your therapist... I hope you'll go in patient if you need to frusc.... I found it made a wonderful difference fairly quickly... If your therapist is going too quickly please tell her that

Trauma therapy is about working through the most difficult time in you life so you revisit it... You know that however you aren't in the same place now that you were then....

Please hang on... We're here for you.... These feelings are temporary... Please don't make it permanent.... Gentle hug for you and a blessing...x

I'm so sorry you are this low. I hope and pray that maybe you are feeling somewhat better today. Support is here to be found. Never give up. There are people who care and help to be found. BIG HUGS!!

I hope you are feeling a little more supported today. it is awful to feel alone. did you get hold of your pdoc? or call a crisis line? as said post on the general topics board and more people are likely to see it. things are pretty slow at this time of year for some reason so it is no harm to cover both places. big hugs to you to get through today.

So sorry you are going through such a tough time. You are not alone, I have been there and sometimes it takes a call to a friend or family member to help talk me out of it and sometimes it takes a call to a crisis line or if need be the ER. I hope you are feeling better today, even a little bit would be good. Hang in there, be strong and reach out to the people here if need be. Hugs

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I have felt like this before. It might be time to call one of the hotlines.

Oh man, this is a really bad place to be right now. Please know that it will pass. I've been in a horrible place too. This is like looking in the mirror. I see some time has elapsed I hope things are better for you. These moments are intense and you also know how to love intensely too.
I know my therapist doesn't even call back either. Don't give up on your friends or us here. We all know what you're facing.

God Bless You. ((((hugs))))

I took a few bottles of pills before. Ended up in ICU getting my stomach pumped. Drinking charcoal yuck.

Now I have substantial liver damage from it.

Sorry no one got back to you last night, but a lot of people are sleeping at that hour. This is the first I've been on the site because I worked all day.

I hope you are feeling a little bit more supported and hopeful tonight. Call a help line or go to the ER if you are still suicidal. Please don't do anything to harm yourself.

Big hugs to you, and I will pray for you.

Didn't see your post yesterday. Unsure what to write. That other suport group is as supportive as a rock. Nothing wrong with feelings. Your therapist might of been busy with other patients. I'd not take it persdonally. Maybe other patients were dealing with crisises too. Not saying or implying your selfish. I'm saying she may of been too busy to get back to you. I do feel bad for you. Hope your pdoc calls.

So sorry to hear you are suffering so much frucinate...

When we are triggered we need to find an antidote...self-love not a bad place to turn in a storm....

((((( hugs)))) honey any chance you can get a hold of your pdoc and see if you can come up with a crisis plan?

Please don't kill yourself. Were here for you. If you have to please go to the the emergency room. They will help you.