During my manic episode a few months ago, I said many hurtful, untrue things and embarrassed many close family and friends. It was as if I was possessed. I can remember some of it and am deeply ashamed. I cannot apologise to those concerned because they have completely disowned me and blocked me.

I think about it all of the time ..... from waking up until going to sleep.....I am in constant turmoil.....I feel that I am in a state of purgatory. I am on meds that have brought me to an all time low and I feel that I will never be able to make amends. My pdoc won't give me an anti-depressant because she is scared that I will become manic again.

I have been suicidal in the past, but that is certainly not an option for me now.....I have a lot of support from the medical profession but there's only so much they can do, which I have exhausted their efforts.

Any suggestions as to how I can overcome this torment I am going through and accept what I have lost would be greatly appreciated.