This is also the rough draft......I'm manic I guess and since I am I want to write something about it--and get another song going to give this new up and coming songwriter some variety to get noticed. I'm also going to write another stanza and try to get the chorus and first two stanzas to rhyme in some way even if they onty rhyme half stanza it's still something.

They are going to check my blood levels today and see if it's therapeutic and if not I am getting a raise in my meds. I might stall my raise that they give me if they give me one so I can create this song so I can have another song under my belt.

I worked on the song- and have draft number two. And I think this one is a country song. I like some country songs and if I had to get inspiration it probably would have to come from the climb. Anyhow I wanted to rhyme and change things a bit If you don't like this one or think this draft number two is better let me know. I think This is going to be my final draft though it rhymes and there's an extra stanza.....

And I was really polite and took out my swear word.

Thanks

Princess Without aideu Draft # 2

Ten feet tall and Bullet Proof
Delphinia Rose Frost

Im the doctor and Im treating the illness
Im ten feet tall and bullet proof
I just healed myself can I get a witness
Im ten feet tall and bullet proof

Ten feet tall and bullet proof
Standing on top of the roof
Nothing can bring me down right now
pretty soon the train wreck is inevitable

Im the creator and Im all knowing
Im ten feet tall and bullet proof
Ive got a million followers
And my powers keep growing
Im ten feet tall and bullet proof

Ten feet tall and bullet proof
Standing on top of the roof
Nothing can bring me down right now
pretty soon the train wreck is inevitable

Im a surfer goddess and Im unstoppable
Im ten feet tall and bullet proof
Im the raddest girl on the beach
And its undeniable
Im ten ton and bullet proof

Ten feet tall and bullet proof
Standing on top of the roof
Nothing can bring me down right now
pretty soon the train wreck is inevitable

I definitely like the second draft better. Much tighter.

I don't consider my own songwriting finished untill I have learned the song. I still cringe at having to learn my own songs, but such is life. For this hyper-expressive wench, it is much easier to write than to learn. It is learning the song that helps me work out the kinks.

And thanks for the good writer coment. I'm thirty and I have been writing since I was 13

Thsnks I liek draft two better two except I noticed while reading I didn't change a line to ten feet tall and bullet proof--but other than that it's good. And when you rhyme things get tighter even if it's only half a rhyme.

Bump -- =) =) =)

How about those epic song writers back in the 80's that had supper long and wild hair?

They had countless stanzas.

Yay! Musician talk!

It looks good to me as a self-taught musician/sometimes songwriter. The phrasing is simple and to-the-point, but it's still personal, deep and doesn't feel like it's pandering to an audience(what I think is wrong with most country music).

As for length, any more and it might start to drag unless you just added more too the verses you already have, but I really don't think that's necessary. I'd suggest you add some kind of bridge between the second chorus and third verse. Nothing fancy, Heck, it could just be repeating that "ten ton" line a couple times.

I'm sorry to hear your mood is so off, but I suppose it's good you're being productive rather than the opposite. If you get the time, and anybody else, wanna take a look at and critique a song I started a while back but still haven't finished? I got caught up on the musical aspects of it(switching from 4/4 to 3/4 at the chorus), but recently figured that out. I'll just leave it right here ;) :

Hey Soho:

Youre walking on your way home
You stop and you stare
At a picture of paradise
And you wish you were there
But youve stood there too long
You should be moving on
Going home

The sidewalk starts crumbling
Underneath your feet
The lampposts start crashing down
Onto the street
And you think youve done wrong
You shouldve been gone
Going home

Hey Soho
Ive seen harder times than these
And theyve grown old
Hey Soho
Those lines on your face dont suit you
And theyve grown bold

That'a nice. got some substance to it. Yeah I am manic and I wrote two or three songs while being manic and I'm going to go back and work on one called change of heart and try to make it rhyme and change some of the lyrics. Anyhow Thanks for the comment from artist to artist nice to see another artist on the board!