Right around the time I started getting sick of starting over, I started finding ways to make whatever amends it took to make the last start work. Persistence turned out to be the key. *Just* gotta keep trying.

And then came the mysterious day when starting over started looking good again. Go figure. . .

But that is me. . .

Gentle support while you figure out what it is for you, monarch.

If you don't mind me asking. What is the life that seems to be out of reach!

Big hug for you Monarch..... You are catastrophyzing sweetie....
When you look at 'life' and everything that has gone wrong and mash it all together it becomes far too daunting to think about.... If you can break things down to what can I do today ... or this hour..... or few minutes a lot can seem and is doable.... xo

I'm just in a rut. It would be kind of too much for me to share what exactly it is I want and all the things that went wrong. I'm more trying to deal with the defeated feeling I have come accustom to. I just want life to stop being so extreme. Like my moods it's either REALLY bad or REALLY good. Hence why I always need to start again I never just live status quo. And I long for that calmness that overwhelming feeling on content.

i completely understand where your comming from because im in a very similiar boat but you just have to keep fighting the good fight and remember that no one can take you down but yourself^_^

But when is fighting the good fight and constantly struggling enough? I really do believe the cycle will just never end.

The fight metaphors play hell in my own quest for balance. "Fight" equals "win/lose" in my personal logic. How do you balance "All or Nothing?" Do swings get more extreme than All or Nothing?

I don't see the world as it is. I see the world as I am. ~Anonymous

When I am fighting the proverbial "Good Fight," I am out of balance, combative and viewing the world as a continual threat. Balancing my own self balances my view of the world, as well.

Have you considered lowering your expectations and standards? If the life you planned is so far out of your reach, perhaps it's time to reevaluate and see what life you'd like that is more in your ability to create.

It doesn't mean you're a failure, or you're not good enough, it just means that lowering your expectations might make things a little easier and less stressful so that you can actually achieve it. Right? Then when you've achieved that life, and gained confidence, you can work on the next level. Sometimes you just have to do it in levels, one after the next. Then when you reach the level where you're happy and you don't have a need to go further, you can just hang and be content, okay.

Don't be so hard on yourself....putting that kind of stress on yourself rarely ends in a successful situation.

Take care,
Kat