I've been doing pretty great since my last post.  I've hit a lucky streak where my mood swings are small and fast. I've been more involved with my kids and I've been playing the newest expansion of my computer game (wee).  Yesterday happened though.  My husband has struggled with depression for a few years now.  It's been impacting our family life financially and emotionally, but we've powered through it and I think it helps that I understand.  I don't pass judgement on him, but yesterday was hard for me not to.  He has been leaving jobs and starting new ones for the last 3 years.  The first few I understood completely. They were high stress and the hours left him lacking tons of sleep.  We have lived with his mother for the last year.  It was one of those "we'll be here until we get on our feet" deals.  We don't have insurance (even obamacare is too expensive for us, but we make too much for welfare insurance) so we don't have access to meds.  He has also battled alcoholism, and went drink free for 9 months.  He had a bout with beer last week for 3 days, but stopped drinking again after he realized how easy it was to fall back into the habit.  He started a new job last Monday as well.  I felt it was going well as it is a low stress job with great hours, but yesterday he quit.  We have 3 kids, and I can't help but be angry that he gave up our only source of income so easily and quickly.  So I've decided that I will work instead.  We've done this before where I worked and he stayed home with the kids.  It didn't go well as he started drinking heavily during that time...so I left my job so he could work again.  It worked for a bit, but here we are at his mom's with no job. I guess this post is to ask if I'm enabling him to give up...being so understanding and trying not to pass judgement...should I be more stern?  Should I expect more of him? Me going to work is my way of giving him time to figure out how to get help.  I'm going to try to find a psych that is cheaper, and who will be able to prescribe the right meds on the generic list that we can afford.  I'm terrified though.  I've never been able to hold down a job for longer than a year...I end up getting a massive depressive swing...or a massive manic swing and "my crazy" shows.  He was always the stable one...the one that calmed me and helped me through the hell that is bipolar.  Now it's my turn to help him, but I'm terrified I will fail.  I'm terrified that I'm enabling him to start drinking again by giving him too much time at home to think about drinking. I'm terrified that we will fail our children. 

I put my job applications in yesterday.  I'm praying I'll get a response this week.  I'm praying that I can keep up "normalcy" as long as I can and that when the big swings come...I can keep my job. I'm praying that my husband gets help and takes this seriously. He was already talking about finding a new job yesterday, but I know that it will end up the same way.  It will be too much for him...and we'll start over again.  I feel like that with me working...I can stay at a job until he's ready to get his own. As long as it takes.