You are ill.
Recovering from illness takes time.
You will get better, I recommend you call a suicide hotline right now, or the mental health line from your insurance company or the card.
I remember being 15 and suicidal, all the way back to 7 and being suicidal, and all the way up to 42 and being suicidal. If only I'd known that there was a way out of have taken it. The way out I did find was and is to change myself in ways that made me happy, to seek others to sometimes just listen, to find others like me, or that could identify with some of what I was feeling.
You know what? You certainly can scream at the top of your lungs. If you don't want it to be quite so audible, use a pillow to catch it. Maybe more than two if you some serious range and carry. I get asked "what was that about?" Sometimes when I thought I had muffled it. Maybe someone needs to hear you scream to be able to see there really is something bad happening.
Please hang on. Call the hotline. I'd say call me but I'm not giving my phone out here

I don't like talking on the phone , so I did text an suicide hotline and she told me to join this website .And I've felt like this for 2 years when I was in 3rd grade I felt like this and I told my teacher and she told my dad who threatened to beat me if I told anyone that's how I felt so I didn't tell anyone ever again and after time I felt fine then 7th grade it all came back . But I refused to kill myself knowing it would break my family's heart so instead I turned to violence and self-harm and that in result got me sent to a behavior program . And I'm realizing know that it didn't help my situation i have been like this for 3 years I think that's enough time I should be better people depend on me to be better .

Sweetie .... getting better takes time ... your dad did not respond appropriately .... fifteen is such a hard age ..being a teen comes with its own set of problems let alone dealing with depression.... is there a counselor at your school you can talk to or a psychiatrist in your area... check mental health help line in your area ... as far as temporarily distract yourself with movies youtube music videos ...journal your thoughts..... ((hugs)) polar

You are already on the healing path, mya. Be patient with the process.

Continued support while the healing mysteries work their magic in you. Be gentle with yourself.

I had similar threats when at 7i told my parents of my ideations. Then I was spanked and told to stand in the corner.
Parents sometimes just don't understand. Mine still don't get the whole bipolar thing even tho we've been over it again and again. They think I should have control over it only when I want to. That's just not the case. Do you have control over the flu once you have it? No, you don't. How about a sinus infection? No.
Illness happens. These manic highs and depressive lows are part of being a beeper.
You probably don't want to try telling them again, but you can only try telling your parents that you're not well and the symptoms you're having and hope for the best.

Welcome mya.... I'm glad you've found us.... DS is a great place to come and hang out.... Have you seen your doctor yet?
A family doctor can refer you to a psychiatrist and treatment can begin.... When you're stable you won't feel so bad
I would talk to a school nurse and let her/him know how you're feeling.... Big hug.....xo

It breaks my heart that you feel so much distress that you would want to take your own life. You're valuable! You're still breathing and living, your story her is likely even helping someone. It equally breaks my heart that you can't talk to someone in your family. You need to speak to a professional and given your age you will need an adult to help you with that. I'm glad you found this forum and have people responding that can relate to what you're experiencing. You must address your feelings with your parents, a school counselor, pastor, or someone adult that can get you to a professional so that your healing process can began. You will be in my prayers. I will also pray that your family gains some knowledge, concern, understanding and empathy for you and your health.

Mya, welcome to the board - are you on meds? hang on in there, you will get alot of support and advice here

Caryon1, welcome to the board, are you bipolar? perhaps you would like to introduce yourself in a new thread perhaps?

Hi there. Personally therapy has been immensly helpful. It's good to have someone on your side who doesn't judge. If you don't see a therapist already I'd recommend talking to your school counselor. They can hook you up with professionals who can help you.