Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I fantasize now about sitting in my backyard.Take a bunch of pills & maybe a shot of whiskey so I won't feel so much pain & then cutting a couple big arteries so I can be done here. I tried a couple years ago but drank too much so i blacked out & threw up, no cutting. But if I do it, I want to do it right, not like a car crash or something that could leave me hanging.
My daughter is expecting in a few days, but lives 4.5 hours away. my happy Grandma fantasy is sort of shredded. I always lived 30 minutes from Mom. so i was able to take the kids to visit. My youngest started college 3 weeks ago & the house is so quiet.
My last hint was a dream THIS morning b4 I got up at 3. I was in a line of people to see a psychic & was on the end so she started with me. Oh. she said,
"you have so much loss & pain, who is gone?" I explained that my brother & sis both died & my folks, too(which is more natural) & I miss them so. I think of all the family that is missing & all the cousins my kids might have had. I want to call my sister & tell her I am gonna be a grandma, but it is all so muddled now. I know in a clinical way that I will be missed & really fuck up my 3 kids & 2 dogs.But I want to be out of pain.
I have told my spouse I am having a bad time, but he says let my lamictal catch up to speed & then he takes off for the day Sunday. I asked to go work on his(our) new house with him & he was trying to "save" me from work so he said, "it's ok, i can do it by myself." It is a house he hopes I will move to with him out of town, so it is a good idea if I go with, but he kinda shut that down(but I know it was well-meaning). I am just sensitive to rejection, & perceive it when it's not there.
So what is my purpose now? Walking my dogs? Getting old like one of the threads below talked about? Driving 4.5 hours once a once to see a grandbaby? I am too tired for that! I was hoping to spend a couple weeks at my daughter's after the baby, but her husband lost his job & they will be a little family together for now. It's great for them, but I am not needed again.That is part of my downward spiral, not being needed anymore.
I have been on the couch for several weeks, walk my dogs sometimes, & cleaned my house once. I went to daughter's 2 weeks ago to wash baby clothes.
So my shrink asked me if I had a plan for suicide & I said not really. but this one seems doable. Should I call someone? If I go to the hospital, & am not admitted, it will cost us a $500 copay. That's stupid when I want to be dead.
My daughter is expecting in a few days, but lives 4.5 hours away. my happy Grandma fantasy is sort of shredded. I always lived 30 minutes from Mom. so i was able to take the kids to visit. My youngest started college 3 weeks ago & the house is so quiet.
My last hint was a dream THIS morning b4 I got up at 3. I was in a line of people to see a psychic & was on the end so she started with me. Oh. she said,
"you have so much loss & pain, who is gone?" I explained that my brother & sis both died & my folks, too(which is more natural) & I miss them so. I think of all the family that is missing & all the cousins my kids might have had. I want to call my sister & tell her I am gonna be a grandma, but it is all so muddled now. I know in a clinical way that I will be missed & really fuck up my 3 kids & 2 dogs.But I want to be out of pain.
I have told my spouse I am having a bad time, but he says let my lamictal catch up to speed & then he takes off for the day Sunday. I asked to go work on his(our) new house with him & he was trying to "save" me from work so he said, "it's ok, i can do it by myself." It is a house he hopes I will move to with him out of town, so it is a good idea if I go with, but he kinda shut that down(but I know it was well-meaning). I am just sensitive to rejection, & perceive it when it's not there.
So what is my purpose now? Walking my dogs? Getting old like one of the threads below talked about? Driving 4.5 hours once a once to see a grandbaby? I am too tired for that! I was hoping to spend a couple weeks at my daughter's after the baby, but her husband lost his job & they will be a little family together for now. It's great for them, but I am not needed again.That is part of my downward spiral, not being needed anymore.
I have been on the couch for several weeks, walk my dogs sometimes, & cleaned my house once. I went to daughter's 2 weeks ago to wash baby clothes.
So my shrink asked me if I had a plan for suicide & I said not really. but this one seems doable. Should I call someone? If I go to the hospital, & am not admitted, it will cost us a $500 copay. That's stupid when I want to be dead.
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Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
Suicide isn't the answer... This is a temporary probable chatty... We have a treatable disorder... I'm sorry you're feeling so badly right now... Hang on... It will get better... Big hug...x
What you are going through is a very difficult time - when your children leave home. I don't have personal experience with it but I saw what it did to my sister. Her son married and her youngest went to college the same year. She had many of the same feelings you are describing. It took awhile, with some therapy and medication but she did get better with it.
Sue, try talking to your husband about the things you have posted. Go see your daughter and her new baby. Why couldn't you make an overnight trip? She is going to need her mother whether the husband is home or not.
I promise it will get easier.
Stay here and talk to us, Sue.
Thanks again for your support
Please don't commit suicide. If you feel like you cannot prevent ourself please go to the hospital. I understand it is expensive but it could save your life, and the future that baby has to have a loving grandmother in his life, which can be such a rewarding relationship.
You will find new things to live for. i have heard that empty nesting is hard (I was widowed, never had children.) Take this chance while the kids are gone and before the baby is due to concentrate on yourself, do some self-care. Paint your nails, put some nice cream on your face, take a long bath, Find yourself and who you want to be. You will have a life apart from your kids. It will come with time.