Oh so many times, I feel the same as u. I wish I knew what to say.
It is so hard living with bp. I hope the day gets better for u, try to do something to distract urself , watch tv, read a book, take a clonopin if u need to. Stay on the board. We're in this together. hugs, tedi

Thanks tedibear, I'm trying to stay focused on some crafts. baby bibs and burp cloths are my newest......sigh I don't even have a freaking baby here...just thought they'd be fun to make ya know??

I can't stop wishing that I could go back to work like I never stopped, just pick up where I left off.......time has slipped away from me....my getting SSDI was supposed to be a little break til I got my shit together.....well we can all see that hasn't happened yet.....sigh

whatever possibilities you have I don't think benzos are a good way to go. Apart from the addiction aspect which means without them you are going to feel panicky if it is BP then they really don't get to the root of the problem - only a mood stabilizer does that.

Personal experience of benzos is that they were ok for short term but even then because "anxiety" fuelled by BP doesn't react the same way as normal anxiety you just end up taking more and more.

(((HUGE hugs tats)))

wish i had the answers, but i can tell you that i too could have written this post. i get it. i really do.

doing your art / looming/ crafts sounds like a very good way to distract yourself. smart idea.

I know how you feel.

I was off work for 6 months they held my position open longer then allowed because they wanted ME. I still culdnt go back because I was screwed up.

You can do projects at least. I take it thats sewing? I use to sew in the 90s, and knit and crochet and quilt and make dolls. I did any craft that came dow the line. Now I have no motivation. I can't read a magazine a book is even more difficult. My sister says I am very intelligent. Yes I can tell shit from poop.

I wish I could still sew. I have a wonderful sewing machine sitting 4 feet from me.

I agree with Mojo - and you! I could have written this post....

You are right, the after holidays is Huge in dissatisfaction for people without bipolar...

At least we can vent to each other - and yes ma'm, this will fucking pass - and be back again! So hold on my sweet ((((BIG HUG)))))

Sucks doesn't it!!

One of those days where I just want to crawl under a rock ya know?

I appreciate beyond words can express your thoughts and understanding.

Yes Marilyanna, yeah sewing but putting it up for today because it's not going so great here....I don't know what the hell I'm doing right now....sigh

Loom knitting a hat is easier because I don't have to count stitches, could try that I guess. Just don't know what to do....but I do want to do something here......shit this really does blow!

I've been there to.. Far too many times.. I have the same talks with myself and I run for a benzo..
I know there's a lot of controversy about them now but they do help me...
I don't know what else we can do... It will pass .. It just sux when you're in this state..
Great big hug for you sweetie.. I hope it passes quickly...xo

i feel ya

Sometimes we can tolerate our lives better than we can at other times, when facing problems.

That's speaking for 'norms', as well. I think it holds true for everyone.

The 'problems' differ, though.

I have days where I just can't stand being this way!!
I feel so trapped!!
I desperately want OUT of this way of life and I almost can't bear knowing that there's no chance of that ever happening.

It's different than when I'm suicidal.
I have no desired to 'die' my way out of it!

But I just feel like I hate this and don't want to do it anymore.
And I'm really pissed off that I have no choice in the matter and I DO have to keep doing it. Forever!!!!

I'm sick of it, I want to escape!!!
But this is a maximum security disorder and it has me locked up tight.
(Sometimes, I'm even thrown into solitary!!!!)

Yes. 'Pawn' is a perfect way of describing it!!!!
Can't even be a bishop or something with a few more options.
(Or maybe 'bishop' isn't a good way to put it. I don't play chess.)

Hope you feel 'better' about things soon!!!

((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

Im right beside you sister!

loves & so many hugs

Thanks for the support everyone.....

I've been waxing and waning emotionally all freaking day.....can't wait to get New Years over, really to me it's just another day, nothing too special. sigh

I do hope everyone does stay safe though...and if you do celebrate it. you have a good time.

I'm getting upset again.....here we go!!!

It's all real, tats. It's just that our real is different than it is for normal people. All the emotions and the frustration, the ups and the downs, they are all real. Real doesn't just happen when we are stable.

I know that you're frustrated right now and I'm right there with you. I've had a crappy holiday this year. Ready for it to be over too. Distraction, like everyone has said, is a really good tool to use, but it seems that your old standbys are not working the best for you this time around. Correct me if I'm wrong.

When this happens to me, I go back to the basics. Back to the things we used to do in kindergarten. Coloring, Blowing bubbles, using play dough, simple origami. Get a coloring book and stay inside those lines. You wouldn't believe how involved you can get in that. You can find free coloring pages on line too for fun. Just find your design and print. Find an old yo yo and see if you can "walk the dog". And if all of those don't work, run for the benzo. Sprint for the benzo. You can do it.

Big hugs for you my friend. And lets hope this next year is better than the last.

Thanks so much Cammie, I do have some Mosaics from my last hopsitalization that I kept for rainy days.....or shitty times like this!

TIme to get the old colored pencils out....they are very relaxing to do too. Great idea!

As usual I am getting anxious about driving up to DBT and going to therapy. I have to get a grip on this stuff or I'm going to end up NOT continuing in DBT. I've not even been doing the homework and I don't even know why. I really don't want to be bothered with it....I find it totally triggering so I think that is why I avoid the homework and want to avoid DBT all together. I promised Will and my mother that I would go but it's a promise I may now be able to keep if I cannot get it together...sigh

WEll I got off subject but than again have been all freaking day!

I just found my mosaics books and going to dig up the colored pencils now. Thanks for the idea Cammie!

I am sad to read these things.
How are you physically? If you are feeling emotionally not well and physically, then think when the last time was that you did a detox. They make meds work better. When I say detox, I don't mean for illegal stuff but the ones that are big on the market now. Like a colon then a liver cleanse. After detoxes, everything runs better.
i don't know you well enough to know if this is the thing you need but hope this helps as it always does the trick for me. still have issues, but am better overall from them. detoxes clear not just the body but the mind