Big gentle hug to you it sounds tough ((((hugs))))

Can you get in to see your pdoc for a medication tweak? SOunds like it might help get you over the rough parts...

Deep breathing and do what you can to manage the anxiety....

Hi Da1. Welcome to the forum.

I have an entire library of suggestions for dealing with bipolar and anxiety. Some of those suggestions are even valid. Finding the suggestions that work for me is an on-going treasure hunt. Lots and lots of trial and error in the process. What works with this round might not work with the next, so the treasure hunt never ends.

You just did one of my most enduring steps in dealing. You joined a support group. My peer support network, both live and on-line, helps in more ways than I can count. I get by with a little help from my friends.

Welcome aboard, Da1. Hope you find healing companionship here.

HI and Welcome Da...... It sounds like you 'might' be having a mixed state?? perhaps?.... I have been in them a couple of times and the anxiety for me has been unbearable in this state

If you doctor doesn't think you're mixed I would have all of your meds reevaluated to see if they're adding to or causing the anxiety.... Big hug....xo

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mixed_affective_state

It is hard to believe but the diagnosis itself didn't change anything in your life. Being diagnosed means you are just as bi-polar today as you were yesterday, without knowing. And there is no too late. And yes it can be managed. The bad news is it will take some time to learn how to manage it and not just to cope with it. So your in the right place doing the right things. Ask all the questions you like. Not all of the answers will apply to you. Everyone's "key" to managing their bi-polar disorder is going to be a little different. But those who are working on it will probably have a lot of suggestions.

There are going to be good days and bad days along the way. Finding the balance between them will make it easier to continue. Healthy coping skills are very important. But coping skills don't help you make progress in managing your illness they just stop the illness from damaging you.

So cope when you need to and make progress when you can. You will fail and you will succeed. The failures will be temporary, if you let them, and the successes will be permanent if you let them.

If you are sliding backwards into the tormenting darkness and you take two steps back, don't take three. If you take three steps backward from where you are, don't take four.

There are going to be some times when you are going to need a time out. So work hard when you can, so you can adjust when you need to.

Professional Help is always the best help, and I find it rarely hurts, even if you don't find it helpful at first. Stick with it. Listen, learn, try what they say, but everything they say will not work for you; keep what does. Eventually more and more of what they say will make sense.

Too many people think they need to change their whole life right now so they can get on with it. Usually that is a great impossible plan. I have found as I have struggled with mine over the years. It is one step outside of your comfort zone where you adapt the fastest. Take one step, if you can't stay there, then step back and prepare to do it again. Then do it again and hold it as long as you can. Practice going there, in whatever direction you decide to try first, until you can stay there forever. Then when you are ready start the whole process again.

Pay very close attention to what emotions you are feeling. For most people this takes a lot more work than it sounds. You need to recognize when you are getting depressed, and you need to recognize when you are getting manic. The earlier you can recognize the onset, the more you can modify your environment to a healthier place to deal with that. (i.e. when your manic maybe you can transfer your money to savings. One more step in the quest to spend it, that you have a chance to stop on.)

That is just a pathetic and typical example of managing bi-polar. But the truth is when you are depressed or manic, there are things you can do to manage it. I don't know what they are yet, and you probably do not either. So we have to learn to care for ourselves.

I never had a good father. And sometimes I have to be a good father to myself. Sometimes I must lecture myself, or whatever it takes to learn.

It is common for us and others to say "you are bi-polar" but that is not true. You are whoever you are with bi-polar. And the more you know who that person is the more and earlier you will recognize when your chemistry begins to change.

People with bi-polar sometimes think they will be destined for a life of repeating cycles of depression and mania. I notice many people who do not have bi-polar who face those problems. Everyone is sometimes manic. And everyone is sometimes depressed. Ours is usually more frequent. But just as manageable. Most likely you have been having trouble keeping all your marbles in the bag, or that you have been pretty depressed. (Mostly we seek help when we are depressed, and less likely when we are manic)

They say that it is incurable. Personally I am beginning to doubt that. I believe there may be two kinds that no one really talks about. Usually we discuss bi-polar as Type I or Type II. But I think there is a bipolar that is genetic and a bipolar that is environmental. The Genetic Part detrmines how often chemistry causes your mood to change and Environmental Bi-polar is how often your mood change causes chemistry changes (which I know is all the time, but I am speaking of the causal relationship.) Probably all bipolar is a combination of the two. We get depressed sometimes when our chemistry changes and sometimes our chemistry changes (our bi-polar) because of our mood.

You may find this to be true or you may find it the delusional ramblings of just another psycho.

I find though if I can catch my mood changing to depression or mania, I can intervene and abort the depression or bipolar. But I must catch it before it triggers the chemistry reaction. And sometimes the chemistry dictates you will be depressed.

When you rapid cycle between the two I call that "riding the roller-coaster." Depression can make you wish for mania and mania can make you wish everything would slow down. When we have little patience for ourselves or if we are experiencing mania and depression that scares us, sometimes we get caught in just changing. Most of the time the rollercoaster is chemical and you will go for a ride. Concentrate on making the tops and the bottoms shallow.

Good luck, if you can manage it, you get your life back. Till then you are going to get real intimate with yourself and you are going to half to stop believing some of the lies you have been told. Don't worry if you do not understand what that means. When you start looking you will find plenty. Most of the untruths will be just people telling you what they understand, but they are wrong, or it only applies to the situation they were talking about and you spread that crap on everything.

I am not picking. We all do it. How many things do you believe that you have never challenged?

While your in there working on your self, you might want to challenge some things just to shake the foundation a little bit. Delusion is the biggest source of pain that you face. Strip all the pain that causes, and the pain chemical depression causes is greatly reduced.

I started working on my self 8 years ago. It has been a long painful journey. And some days I am depressed. But now, most of my days are happy. And one day now is better than my best day before I was diagnosed. And I am not even done improving. I am still on my journey to health. I am improving everyday (on Average.) But, I enjoy the journey now (overall) and I am ready to see what tomorrow brings instead of dreading what tomorrow may bring like I did for the first 42 years.

Good luck. It is a long road. But if you are really bi-polar, then it leads to a place where you can probably have a better life than you have had unknowingly coping with it.

But remember to be kind to yourself along the way. Be a concerned parent for yourself. Do the best you can, honestly, and then let that be enough for today. Kicking yourself for your failures will only lead to depression. Taking it too lightly will leave you wanting mania all the time, like a junkie trying to get their "Superhero" fix.

Somewhere in the middle, there you are. But now you are only alone if you want to be.