Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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embarrassed

ExDiva
ExDiva
I'm embarrassed to be back in the same stupid place where I can't handle social situations, see rejection in everything - a client cancels, for instance. MAYBE it is the economy right? But nope, I loop again and again imagining conversations about why I'm lame or not good enough. The financial loss actually triggers self hatred because there are other people in much more dire straits than me...and me feeling sorry for myself is selfish - thus...I am a horrible person...they I toy with images of cutting.

I'm crazy again and I'm embarrassed about it. My long time friends have nursed me back from major depressions and I hate to call them. I imagine they sigh...oh great, she's needy again.

Anyone else get embarrassed?
tommymott
tommymott
I'm not so embarrassed these days but I have been in the past. Anymore I realize that it's not me, it's just the way things are. So take care of what you can and don't be afraid to ask for help with things you can't take care of.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have had a lot of problems with that. Ever consider that you might be empathic? Like, very strongly? Could be that you are projecting onto yourself other people's thoughts and feelings about themselves, or about you, (just cuz they think those things, doesn't mean they're right, ya know, they got issues, too), or they might be thinking about murdering their inlaws, you never know. Anyway, I try to practice not letting other people's thoughts and energies invade my own these days. I try to focus on myself, my own power, who I'm with if I'm not out alone, etc. It helps. Don't let squatters in your head. They're not paying rent and they're running up a hella big water bill!
deleted_user
deleted_user
hi exdiva,

you are not crazy exdiva, you are just struggling with an illness....like we all are...it's easy to feel we're crazy, especially when we do not have real people who really truly understand what we are going through...and i think we all feel that paranoia, and bad person stuff coming in when we worry.....I know i do. you are not alone exdiva....so take heed and comfort...we are here with you and here for you...love, maggie
ExDiva
ExDiva
I can't tell you how much better I feel. I posted that last night and signed off because...well, I was in that "no one cares" space. So thank you, thank you for your support. I need to post more often - the result is really affirming and you are SO right about the "for rent" sign on my forehead.
ExDiva
ExDiva
Thanks. I don't know what I would've done without this site. I haven't found a good therapist (moved back to hometown 1 year ago) and I should...but in the meantime, boy have you - everyone here - been good to me.

The whole "asking for help" thing has not been my best skill.
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