Big hug for you Rya..... This sounds like depression talking .......It's important that we recognize what the symptoms of the cycles are that we can end up in.... We have a treatable disorder however when we're cycling it can 'appear' to be hopeless at times
It isn't though sweetie.... Reach out to your doctor and let him/her know that you're unwell and need some help.... Another hug and a blessing.....You will find stability again......xo

I think SunCloudJD has is correct. Call your doctor ASAP. Tell them everything that's going on. You seem to be having emotional symptoms from a biological illness, bipolar in a depressive phase. It can get better but you have to do some of the work. Calling your doctor seems very warranted here.
Sending good thoughts

My doctor recently started me bak on a mood stabilizer after being off of it for months. I had a very bad manic episode that did a lot of damage. I'm super depressed realizing how much damage I actually did. I'm hoping when my meds level out I will feel better I'm just struggling with if it's worth it. Idk if that makes sense but when I was manic I didn't care now I feel like I care too much,

I can relate to what you are saying... It seems like I feel nothing or everything all at once and it's overwhelming, and I questioning what value I bring to this existence. But I can tell you that it is worth it. No matter how much damage you feel like you have done, I believe if you can recognize it and work towards getting back on track that means a lot to people. It's hard for others who do not experience bipolar disorder to understand it and what it does to you. My husband had a hard time understanding mental illness and that it wasn't a choice, but now he knows how real it is. I told him it feels almost like there are two people in my head, me and this other person that tell me constant lies like I'm not good enough or that no one cares about me. I know the things aren't true but I cannot stop believing it in that moment. I started writing myself notes.. the most meaningful ones are from when I'm coming out of a depressive episode or when I'm verging on manic and feeling fantastic about myself, lol. They help because it's my words and thoughts.. none of the negative thoughts in my head can tell me that other people are just telling me things so I feel better. I can be quite blunt so I'm not really one to boost someone's ego just for the sake of boosting it. I hope you are able to find the calm to make it to tomorrow and remember that a setback is just that.. only a setback! It can't stop you from ultimately achieving your goals :)

Hi Rya,

I can only echo what's been said give your pdoc a ring and let them know it's bad...

One can heal from the aftermath of a manic episode I can attest to that but it takes time it doesn't happen on our schedule....give yourself time to be sad.

Healing takes time no so different if you were in a bad accident...only these wounds are not as visible. Love yourself girl! This is going to take awhile!

Hi Rya,
I remember watching John Lee Hooker in an interview once and he said that he knew of only two types of pain... physical and mental... and he was pretty sure mental was worse. Keep strong and stay safe please.

Hi Rya - I'm sorry depression has locked its ugly arms around you. Know that you are among like-minded friends here and (can i say?) ALL of us have been at the bottom before (some of us are there now). You are not alone. Remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a Temporary problem - not an easy problem, but one that will pass, I promise, just hold on and find comfort in self-soothing acts. Take good care of yourself - you may not see this now, but there is a light shining, waiting. We just have to sit back and wait out the storm. I'll be with you.

Thanks for all the positive comments. I really needed it. I am doing better today.

Hello Rya,
I am right there with you. I too have had a terrible manic break which was devastating and now I am on the natural downward spiral into the dark abyss partly I believe from the disease swing into depression chemically but also depressed because of how my whole life has blown up into shards of painful slivers that cut deep into my soul and spirit. Yet I reach my hand out to you and say please take mine, together I believe we can do what we can not do alone. We can advocate for ourselves because we are worth it, we can hold onto hope trying to live just one day at a time.

We are not alone in our suffering, we are not alone in our pain, we will overcome the darkness and we will not just survive but we will thrive. We will trust, we will not give up today.

Much love!

Hi, Rya. I have felt much the same way too many times also. While nobody can feel your own feelings, we here can definitely understand just how bad o ur bipolar disorder can get sometimes. One of the really sucky things about our medications is that it usually takes several days before we can feel the effects. I am glad you are feeling better today.

I've been exactly where you are for years. Although I've managed to finally get the manic episodes in check, the depressive episodes are unbearable. My family doesn't "get it". I finally got a bit of a relief by upping my mood stabilizer. Talk to your pdoc. Never give up. Hugs.