Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Don't know how to ask "Help keep an eye on me"

Username88
Username88

So I'm not sure if I'm manic or if it's hypomania, or if I'm just in a good mood. LOL
July is usually the worst month for me, and I was depressed, not just down in the dumps, but depressed for the first week of this month (and the half month of June) So 2.5-3 weeks depressed, right?

the past couple of weeks I've been full of energy, I think I'm the shit, I've painted for the first time in months (pretty damn good stuff, too), I'm vibrating with energy, and NOTHING has bothered me for more than about 10 minutes. I also can't shut the fuck up and when I need to be quiet, it nearly kills me. I'll also have thoughts that overlap and they run into one sentence and it makes no sense. (I'll probably read this a thousand times before I post it)

BUT I DON'T CARE I FEEL FUCKING FANTASTIC!!

Only thing that's concerning is the fact that I've been finding myself at times, not really meaning to think about it. But the random "I can get off my meds now" thing pops into my head, and I've always been INCREDIBLY anal and strict with myself taking my medicine. I KNOW I CAN NOT go off my medicine. Unless the doctor says otherwise. So that sounds ok, right? I know I shouldn't, so I'll be able to force myself not to go off them because I know better.
I guess this only concerns me because I'm so strict with myself about taking my medicine and the thought never occurs to me. Very unlike me. 

It really doesn't matter as long as I don't do anything dumb like go off my medicine, but I HAVE gone off the deep end before and not really know what's up or down (I guess it's the best way to describe it??) Or I guess what I'm doing, idk. Friend debating on calling 911 for me, and another time one getting me to stay with her for two weeks so they could "babysit" me type of deal. 

I want to be cautious, but then again, like I said, I feel fucking fantastic, so no real cares are given

But JUST IN CASE I step back, look, realize I'm manic, catch myself before the mania has either turned into psychosis, or has just gotten too bad HOW THE HELL do I ask someone without sounding like I'm complaining or something to keep an eye on me? 
Have you ever had to ask someone to make sure you stay in check? and how? Just like "Hey, don't know what's going on, but if I start acting really bizarre will you let me know?" or I mean, how?

I'm enjoying feeling great, but the last thing I want to do is get to those bat shit crazy states and worry people. One of the things I hate most in the world is worrying people. And I don't even know if asking someone to kind of be like "hey, if you notice I say or anything really strange, will you bring it to my attention?"will worry them or not. Damnit. Either way, I don't want to worry people.  

But from past times I've had this "I feel great, I don't care", gone on about it without anyone to bring anything to my attention, it's like I didn't even realize I was manic. And I never noticed myself how bat shit insane I had gotten. How much I was worrying people.

SO I guess my other question is: SHOULD I?

I've also had to edit this a thousand times because I either have sentences that run together, or I don't finish a thought. LOL

dinahmorris
dinahmorris
Hmmmm you do sound a bit uppish/ jumping bean etc. I am looking at reducing meds-told doc but she is ok with it to do super slowly... I too wonder if I am happy sometimes or manic.....
I would establish some rules for myself not too many allnight sessions.(sleep is the first thing pdocs check) if you get talking to strangers maybe just have a coffee, but not invite home....keep an eye on writings and artistic work..... not be too driven but just gently enjoy. Maybe meet up with a trusted friend and explain your situation and just say if I am talking too much let me know OK? and check with them.not perhaps someone you live with, or employs you!! good luck!
art4life19
art4life19
you are so funny you remind me of myself when I wasn't taking the meds that I am taking now I was taking different ones and I sounded a lot like you. I am taking a better cocktail of meds that seem to be working better for me now. my thoughts don't bounce around as much as they use to. I can finish my sentences without having them all run together. I can concentrate. think clearly. my thoughts aren't racing. and interrupting each other. I sleep well at night. and I go to bed and get up everyday at the same time now. I am on a schedule. I use to have trouble sticking on a schedule in the past. my moods are stable now no more manic highs or depression things are the way they are suppose to be I don't want to use the word normal but normal for me . my therapy is going well. I go back to the doctor on august 3rd.
MoobbusT
MoobbusT
There is a bell curve in the energy dimension of the human personality with mania and depression at the extremes, at least thats how I picture it. But in the middle are the healthy versions of these states... aliveness and peacefulness. I'm bipolar but it doesn't mean I have only the two extreme states-- with the help of meds, therapy and friends.

The basic idea is straightforward... If depressed research and do things that make you feel more alive and if manic do likewise for things that make you more peaceful. They are the goals. The idea is to be always centring yourself into these more grounded states from the extremes.
Username88
Username88
Dinahmorris- thank you. I talk to strangers, but even when I'm bonkers, I still don't trust anyone coming into my house, LOL if anything, I get more paranoid so at least I have that going for me. HAHAA!!!
Thank you

Art4life19- I remind you of you? Omg you poor thing!!!! LOL!! I'm glad to hear you're on good medication now!
Username88
Username88
Moobbust- sorry, I'm on a new/old tablet, weird layout, didn't see you there. HA!
Thank you,
I'm pretty good at distracting myself when I'm depressed (usually have more depression than mania). So I'm a master at that. Until I just can't. You know how that is.
And I have "normal" (or normal for me) periodsand I enjoy them.

I totally get what you're saying, but I don't know how or what to do to bring myself "down" a little. Just so used to trying to get myself up that when mania hits I'm just running around . HA! what do you do for yourself when you're really high?
irishwriter
irishwriter
I run around like a very organised headless chicken and clear out all the clutter from my house ignoring the agony of fibromyalgia, i can drink alchohol without getting drunk, my boyfriend thinks he's died and gone to heaven cos my libido shoots to the moon, i shop till i drop (these days at least i limit myself to bargain rails) i take insane risks, driving fast, shoplifting the odd thing that i don't even need and then wondering where i got it, i swim 80 lengths of the pool every day and walk for an hour. i get little or no sleep sometimes i od because that is when i have the energy to do so - when i notice my speeh patterns are way too fast I take some xanax and lay low and wait for the crash which can last (is lasting) for months. funtimes
Angela-Boyle
Angela-Boyle
Your definitely right in not going off your meds. These symptoms definitely sound like hypomania. Ive been there and love feeling that way as well! What i do is just tell my husband the feelings im feeling and he checks on my status each day. I also ask people to pray for me without going into detail. Sounds like you have the right idea. You could always log you emotion and keep an eye on yourself and if you see a turn then tell someone to check up with you.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you User....... I'm glad as well that you aren't going off of your meds.... It's great that you're feeling good sweetie however what goes up must come down.... The real dangerous time for us is the crash.... If I were you I would call your doc......xo
MoobbusT
MoobbusT
It's not really what I do that counts because every one is different in their own way. I'll answer you though because I think you are pretty cool :-)

Before I get to that I will say that in your shoes I'd keep busy till I was tired but make a couple of rules for myself.
1) ml and Gina (I like mentioning old board warriors) have the favorite progress not perfection. Your aim is to do things good enough for now, not become more anxious... about results and consequences and stuff.
2) make a list of things you have done in the past to calm yourself and put yourself at ease, why they stopped working, why they did work. What are the themes or threads? Whats the big picture? Chores first is a most sensible approach... then what do you actually get lost in doing? More of that would probably be the best, don't you think? Your aim is enough ease to savour the positive vibes and enjoy being alive!

For my peace I sit and talk to the various thoughts that pop into my mind as if they belong to other parts of me, little people or subpersonalities. Some pretend to be parents, siblings, friends, authors etc. I try to take the time to get to know them, their issues etc. My internal environment lately has largely become kindly advisors offering supportive help as life unfolds rather than detractors and pained or shamed children. I have moved from reacting out of the fear to the love side towards nearly all of the parts of me that were unhappy. I am like you more normally on the depressive quarter so for me I am constantly looking for ways to feel more alive to transform depression into that healthy sense of peace, you know... from the other direction like you were saying. I have found meditation practices based on breathing, grounding and centring yourself are some of the best things to have in your toolbox. All the very best.
D.Mesey
D.Mesey
It's so important for us to have our network of family and friend(s) to help us see the behavioral changes when they occur. Although, sometimes, I think they like the hypomania like we do, especially if we've been depressed. We have energy, we're creative and a lot of times, fun to be around. I think that you should say something to someone you trust. Ask them for their help. If they don't know how to help, explain to them some of the symptoms that would be a red flag. It definitely sounds like you are in some sort of manic phase.
SensitiveHoboLady
SensitiveHoboLady
My biggest part of my network is my therapist....who I lean on precisely during these times so I check in with a professional and stay in check. I've always had trouble getting that from a friend....it's too much to ask of others who seem too busy with their lives....at least that's how I feel.
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