i remember small portions of it.. i dont know how i did it back then but i guess because i am thinking of it with my mind now. if that makes any sense .but it makes sense to me.. lol.

I was diagnosed when I was 20, but had been manic for a bit before that. I feel like I can't base how I was as a teenager to how I would have been if I didn't have BP. Maybe not having that comparison is better?

I've always always always been an all or nothing sort of person. I could either not do anything, or do everything...I guess I'm still sort of the same way. I just don't remember how I used to be able to get up every morning and do what I had to do.

I feel so useless now.

I remember talking faster than anyone around me. I remember being creative. I remember being a little more than annoying. Cutting people off. Being self righteous.

Ah, the good ol' days. It felt good to be manic.

Then the depression hit for the first time. Ouch. Now my life is somewhat stable and at times I hate it.

I was able to keep things organized. My mind was clear...no confusion. I was able to talk, reason, and function like a normal intelligent person. I know that person is still in there. But putting that person back together continues to elude me.

I have friends and family and other people that remind me of certain things. I call it a 'past-life'.And it seems like it was spent some other place.When friends from the past call out of the blue, it's difficult.
It's difficult reminiscing over things cos it feels like it's breaking some law of physics, once the ' nostalgia' jumps back to the present day.

Ditto on number three Hanna. I have always been all or nothing, black and white, etc. And to think all that I was capable of then. But, you know what? I am trying again and don't expect perfection of myself this time because I know I am not perfect nor will ever be. I have to do the best I can with what faculties I still have left. Big hugs.

I am in the middle of it finally sinking in and am very frustrated. What was easy only a year ago, takes an amazing amount of time and energy to complete.

I don't remember what it was like for me either. I remember little things here and there, but nothing spectacular comes to mind. I always remember hating life as far back as I remember. I was angry as soon as I was placed in a public school system. I think my depressive episodes came several years later. I was always quiet and extremely unsocial. I talked with a few people, but I can't even remember their names so I suppose that they didn't do anything to stand out to me.

some say i had milder bp- but i remember some serious dips into depression-

but yes- i remember- and it is its own kind of torture

i had to let it go- but its like learning to walk with one or no legs- u still feel the missing one and its normal to cry over it

my love says u have not lost it- but i doubt i will ever get it back the way it was

but.... i am learning more compassion and forgiveness for myself and others- so... i am getting more in return actually- more friends, etc- a new life- the other one was a lot more lonely.

i was dx'd around 19 yr old but i can't ever remember being any different from how i am now, this has always been me.

I remember because I didnt know I had an illness. I was manic most of the time. It was HS everyone was hyper unles you were smoking weed. I just thought I was normal. Then in my 20;s I did sales and was very good at it and again thtot that how i did it was how i was suppose to be doing it. Then in the 80s I worked for archs and engr and could type (before computers) 85 wpm and chat weith clients and thot this is how it was. Then I got married and I really settled down. Then whamo the old man died and whoosh out came the big BP.

Wow this hits me hard today. It's so stupid. We were playing a parlor game last night at my boyfriend's parents' house, one that required a bit of creativity to come up with different kinds of words. I was... so stupid and blank. This was a game I used to be awesome at, even not so long ago. I've been in treatment 8 years.

I was the star writer in high school and college, was published many times over, and I'm sitting there not being able to think of any words starting with "w" for "things found at the beach".

I feel vacant sometimes. Just a shell.

Bipolar untreated progresses. The main reason you don't remember being full blown bipolar is becuase you very likely weren't back then. I have even heard opinions that bipolar progresses and get's worse throughout anybody's life and it is just the sad fact of it (as are a lot of diseases)

I also believe that when you treat bipolar and are aware of it, that you can make episodes less frequent and less drastic.

To be honest though, I think most of us don't remember what it was like back then because our minds have changed so much since then.

You guys also have to remember that when somebody is badly depressed they loose functionality of their brain. You can no longer think clearly or make proper decisions, your brain is basically not working. I'm not saying you are all depressed, but you probably know what I'm saying.