I'm really sorry that you are feeling this way. I have cycled down myself. The only thing that helped me was a new treatment called transcranial magnetic stimulation...you can google it. It's expensive and insurance doesn't cover it, but it has been a lifesaver. i'm well overdue for maintenance. But the last time I was starting to crash, he put me in the chair and he pulled me right out of it. Before that, I would have been down for months.

look into anything i suppose..

hanna.. i had a friend that did ect and things were more tricky after than before.. let me ask you.. do they talk you in to ect by telling you all will be rainbows and sunshine after? i am starting a campaign against ect.. im starting to think its not as helpful as they claim. i would like your input.

Funny you mention it Zenith. I went to DBT and actually spoke to another member of the group who had ECT. I'm only 2 months out of having the treatments and I can't remember, nor retain a lot of shit. The woman I spoke to had it 5 years ago and has severe long term memory loss as well as difficulty retaining new information. We successfully scared the shit out of 2 other group members who vowed they would never do something like that.

I remember the consent form said "Memory loss up to several months prior to treatment". The form didn't make any promises, but ALL of the staff supported the notion that everything was going to get better and that I would regain my memory.

2 months since my last treatment, and I've got memory issues that go 10 years (I don't notice if it goes further). I've actually lost some of my college education. I study to refresh my memory, and can't retain the information that was basic principles to me for years, on a daily basis....and I used to even teach the principles to students.

I'm all for being an anti-ECT activist. You'd just have to remind me to partake in the campaign.

ah, im so sorry. i wish i could give you your memory back. makes my heart hurt that you have forgotten something as hard worked for as college. will it come back eventually?

do you think after having it, you are back to med regulation like someone who has never had the treatment?

2 months after I refused further ECT treatments I'm back to medication management even harder than I was before ECT. I've tried and failed on nearly every medication there is, but I'm still on the medication merry go round.

Depends on who you ask if my memory will come back. If you ask the staff who deliver ECT treatments, I'll definitely get it back. If you ask someone who's had it done, it never comes back. I've ready plenty of info on the severe long term memory loss and inability to retain new information that wasn't mentioned AT ALL when I agreed to ECT.

Even IF I got my memory back for my job...it isn't going to happen for a while. Long enough that the chances of me EVER even getting a job will be non-existent.

so basically.. back at a cracked and scattered square one?

i feel for you, you are a fighter. keep strong. keep trying. you are in my thoughts and prayers, i know you are going thru a lot right now.

I haven't the strength to keep strong. I am doing my damnedest to at least attempt to WANT to live though.

Thanks though Zenith.

Depression hand puppets (throttled by) ;)

Depression hand puppets (throttled by) ;)

I am glad you won't do any of the latter you mentioned to stop the pain :) I am sorry u r hurting so bad :( Depression sucks sooooo bad.......I am sure u do not need me to tell you that :(

I'm really on this anti-ECT bandwagon. It just destroyed part of me, and I only had 5 and a long, long time ago. I never gave consent either. I was involuntary and this doctor was insane. He even gave it to himself. If I had known, I would have sued him, but statute of limitations is only a year in Canada.

I remember telling you Hanna before you started that it was BAD. But hard to believe another patient when the docs are offering you a miracle. And you may not even remember my warnings. I'm not trying to bug you, but one more person who is on board to stop this inhumane treatment means that maybe we have a group to fight it.

I saw a show on CBC a few years ago. There was one woman, and she had had many treatments. She literally could not remember anything - her husband, her children. She said she was glad because it gave her life back. She was just sitting looking at her photo albums looking puzzled. Now that is just WRONG! How did she get her life back? It was dismantled and the pieces lost, was my opinion.

I'm really on this anti-ECT bandwagon. It just destroyed part of me, and I only had 5 and a long, long time ago. I never gave consent either. I was involuntary and this doctor was insane. He even gave it to himself. If I had known, I would have sued him, but statute of limitations is only a year in Canada.

I remember telling you Hanna before you started that it was BAD. But hard to believe another patient when the docs are offering you a miracle. And you may not even remember my warnings. I'm not trying to bug you, but one more person who is on board to stop this inhumane treatment means that maybe we have a group to fight it.

I saw a show on CBC a few years ago. There was one woman, and she had had many treatments. She literally could not remember anything - her husband, her children. She said she was glad because it gave her life back. She was just sitting looking at her photo albums looking puzzled. Now that is just WRONG! How did she get her life back? It was dismantled and the pieces lost, was my opinion.

whew angela, i had to take a deep breath after that. heavy

Sorry, didn't mean to bring anyone down. I am a born activist. I wish I could remember what show I saw that on. Maybe I will google a few shows to see if I can find it.

I do want to encourage you of one thing Hanna, you remain a good person, and your battle seems hard right now, but you are going to make it. You have clearly identified how you feel, and that is the beginning of the journey. It takes a long time, but it is possible to get back a semblance of your life. My life is a million times better than it used to be. And you can do it too!