Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Shlay 04/02/2010

I posted this in another group but I think it fits here as well:

I love my father more than I could even explain. Even through all the extensive emotional and semi-physical abuse through the years, he means the world to me. I desperately look for his approval. I try so hard to be perfect for him. To be thin for him, to be smart for him, to be everything he wants me to be...

And now I have to tell him that I am a lesbian.

I spoke with him on the phone today, updating him about my progress in life and my weight loss. It's rare he ever answers his phone so I was very excited. While we were talking I looked over at a book I got yesterday; Amiee & Jaguar by Erica Fischer. It is a true story about two lesbians in Berlin, 1943.

Looking at the book made my hear ache. I wanted so badly to tell him but I just didn't feel brave enough. Or nearly strong enough for his reaction.

It pains me so much to have failed him again in my life... But I want him to understand who I am as a person.

I am not just an over-weight, bi-polar, anxiety ridden- problem child. Oh yeah, LESBIAN.

He can't see past those things it seems. He can't see that I am a real live person. That I AM his DAUGHTER. That I have interests and hopes and dreams...

But now, once I tell him... I will just be the fucked up lesbian daughter.

And it kills me.

deleted_user 04/02/2010

I'm not overweight or a lesbian, but other than that, this sounds like something I could have written about my father. Nothing I do is ever good enough for him, and if I end up doing something I'm proud of, there are always three other things for him to criticize me on. His latest thing is that I'm a hypochondriac. I have a lot of strange symptoms and they worry me, so I tell him, and now he thinks I'm overreacting about everything.

Just because you are a lesbian does NOT mean you are a failure. I'm sure, as with my father, that your father loves you and understands that you are an actual person behind your illnesses, but becomes frustrated because he feels helpless. He doesn't know what to do to help his baby girl.

I can't give you advice on how to come out to your father, because I just don't know, but I wanted you to know you're not alone.

Shlay 04/02/2010

It just doesn't feel like he cares at all.

deleted_user 04/02/2010

I know, and that's exactly how I feel with my dad. There really isn't much you can do, unfortunately, except to find out eventually that he really does love and care about you even if he doesn't know how to show it.

tommymott 04/02/2010

I'm a father. While none of my children has informed me of their sexual orientation (I have 3 sons) I don't think it would make any difference in how I performed my fatherly duties. I want my kids to be healthy, happy and accepting of themselves. So if your Father is doing things right then he'll want the same for you and nothing will change that. If being told that you're a lesbian does change that then your Dad isn't doing things right and the problem is his, not yours. There are times in life when we learn that we have to make our own acceptance and approval and I wish you well.

Shlay 04/02/2010

Tommy, I really hope you are right.

But my father has been in and out of my life so much it's hard to predict his reaction to anything.

I told him I lost 10lbs and all he could say was,

"How much do you weigh now."

And when I told him all he could saw was,

"Holy shit."

He never thinks I can do anything. He doesn't see how far I've come in life. I don't even know if he cares anymore. I know he has to on some level... But... I want him to be a father. Not just some person in my life looking down on me all the time telling me what to do.

I want a, "Good job!" not a bland, "Keep it up."

deleted_user 04/02/2010

sorry to hear that your dad is an abuser.
I don't share my personal - private life with anyone. what I do behind closed bed room door is no one business. I'm sure not going to share what my partner does behind bd rm door.
I'm not going to share what my partner & I do together behind close doors.
We do not need to share such personal info.

Your being lesbia does not define who you are.
I enjoy males. My friends knows that I enjoy male body & that I have a male companion. But this does not define who I am. it's just a tiny aspect of my life - of who I am, which is no one business but mine & my partner.
I don't know of an application that requires such private info..
Your private life is none of your father business.
I can only assume that you need to see expression & reaction of your dad.
I assume that your dad will also use that against you.
Don't hand someone a gun & provide them w bullets.
Again, your dad sounds like a verbal abuser.
Live your life as you wish. Don't define your life by others.

Shlay 04/02/2010

That is a very good point, Admiral. I am an adult now and who I choose to be with doesn't have to concern him. Until I am in a long term thing, he has no need to know.

I just wish he could be a support in my life. Someone to tell me that it will all be okay and that he loves me.

This thing I am experiencing right now is very hard on me. I want to tell him because I falsely believe that he will be supportive.

I guess I just need to stay strong and keep my mouth shut.

katiebelle1091 04/02/2010

I can understand why you want to tell him. Its about being true to yourself and being proud of who you are. All I can say is things change , people change all the time. My father was not exactly father of the year when I was growing up . Even as as adult he put me down. when I got my first degree ( against all odds) he told me my brothers degree was much better. That said now he is my closest friend. He has just been there for me so much over the last few years. What you have with your father now may not always be the way things will be .

deleted_user 04/02/2010

Shlay I wasnt a wanted kid and when my mom had me my dad wanted a boy well he didnt get one now did he. He was ok with it tho um up until he realized he didnt get the daughter he imagined either. He had this vision of a prim and proper little girl in dresses and doing girlie things he got a tomb boy who tagged along after him fishing (which he grew to love) playing ball with the boys. At 8 years old I announced that girls were for kissing and boys were for playing football with. That about destroyed the last hopes my daddy had of having the daughter he thought he was going. We never talked too much about my differences or the fact that at night after I came home from my day job as manager of the video store and my kids were asleep I went back out and danced for 6 - 8 hours so his grand kids had everything they ever wanted but I knew that he found a way to make peace with it all. As a parent I know that what we want are kids to be and what are kids are sometimes are 100% polar opposittes but we learn to adjust and we still love our kids

deleted_user 04/02/2010

I sorry to say that it appears you are judging your Dad before he judges you. I did the same for many years and in doing so I alienated myself from the chance of getting to really know who mt Father was. Don't count him out,the both of you may lose this way. I don't however agree that this belongs on this board,it has nothing to do with bipolar disorder.

deleted_user 04/02/2010

Suffer why doesnt it belong here why does everything we talk about have to be BP related?

deleted_user 04/02/2010

Shlay: I think it's great that you want to share with your father. You seem to have lots going on right now including moving out and making other major changes. Is there any rush to add this to the pile of challenges that you have to address right now? Couldn't you do this at any time in the future if you decide to? I'm just thinking that a better time might be when things have settled down and maybe even when you think it might be the best time for your father. In any case, I don't think that there's anything wrong with addressing this in the near future given everything else you're trying to do. Hope this helps on some level.

deleted_user 04/02/2010

Because it's not a chat room that it has being turned into lately. This is a site dedicated to helping each other with bipolar disorder issues
If people want to chat about other issues start a group or go to the proper support group.

deleted_user 04/02/2010

Suffer you get to handle your issues with this lovely fucked up mess your way and we get to handle it our way. . .who in the hell has died lately and left your ass BP board patrol seriously here? I would love to know. All posts deserve to be here all posts are getting answered. Why just because someone suffers in a serious way do they deserve to be heard why someone who handles this in another way then get told basically to fuck off?

Shelly4 04/02/2010

Suffer, I think this issue can legitimately be discussed here as she is having issues with dealing with the emotions of everything in her life as it equates to bipolar disorder. The board is not so busy today that we cant at least offer our support to her.

Please lets not derail her post alltogether...xo

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