hi, welcome to the board.

Bipolar meds aren't addictive in the true sense. It is true if you stop them suddenly you can get issues, just as you will with things like beta blockers used for heart patients, but definately they are not addictive.

Meds should make you feel more normal. If they are not, and particularly if they make you feel "very energetic and paranoid and trippy" you need to discuss it with your doctor.

What are you on?

"Does anyone doubt mental illness. I mean isn't it a bit get out of jail free card for bad behaviour"

Well no and no. You will find that most people who are close to you won't see it as a "get out of jail free card". They will get just as pissed as if you didn't have bipolar. What are you doing to ensure that doesn't happen? Staying on meds would be a start. Drinking is a really bad idea. Alcohol mixes badly with some meds, negates the affects of other and is a depressant anyway.

Who persuaded you give up on the meds?

Hello Marge. Welcome to the forum.

I am also from a family which views mental illness through that ancient lens which hold mental illness to be *new fangled* word for, "Character Defect," right alongside of Huntington's Disease, syphilis and dozens of other physical ailments for which physical causes have since been discovered.

Your statement, "I just don't feel myself on them but I feel like I'm on drugs off them if that makes sense." makes perfect sense to me and the very mechanism which made them a blessing in my own case. The chaos of my childhood made chaos and extreme reactions the norm of my life. By the time I gave meds a shot in my 30s, I had zero experience on how other more functional emotional responses might feel from the inside. Several members of my therapy support network called me, "A Chaos Junkie." My *drug* of choice was all-natural adrenaline. Learning how to turn off my internal drug dealer was no small feat. The meds gave me an emotional baseline to shoot for inside my therapy programs. No, I had no dramatic withdrawal symptoms when I eventually weaned off of them. I am no longer using med therapy, but I remain glad I used them as an interim step. That new emotional baseline was a vast improvement in the theme.

Yes, some people use mental illness as a get out of jail free card. glorifying their symptoms rather than theraputing them. That doesn't mean *we* have to. Healing happens. Hope it happens to you.

Welcome to DS.

To not believe in mental illness is like not believing in arms and legs and toes. It is very much a reality for those who are afflicted by it.

And no, mental illness is most emphatically NOT an excuse for bad behavior or lack of character.

I do know someone who looks at mental illness as “weakness”, but he is just making a fool of himself when he talks like that.

I can’t advise about the drug withdrawal because I’ve never gone off of my meds.

The only meds that are addictive, that I know of, are benzodiazepines. They are antianxiety meds and usually aren't prescribed much anymore except on a very short term basis. You have gotten a lot of good advice today on mental illness/bipolar disorder from people who have suffered with it, some for years, like me. I'm stable on meds right now.

You're family needs to know that the brain is an organ like a heart or a liver. They can all malfunction. Hugs.

Thank you all for your responses. They were very helpful. I took my medicine last night and had a good nights sleep and I feel more rational but a bit blue. I am not really saying bipolar doesn't exist. I just have a hard time accepting that I have it. I think it is best not to listen to people who are not helpful and are critical. I might take a break from seeing that person for a while.
My doctor is great and I don't think he is wrong I guess. I need to get a hold of my life. I have a disabled son and find it hard to deal with him sometimes. I just get a bit overwhelmed. I hope you all keep well and look after yourselves. hugs to you all.

I'm glad to hear that you're back on your medication. My husband recently came off of his meds and slid into a great deal of paranoia and delusion. (His pdoc recently prescribed Clozapine for him and he has taken 2 doses. Here's hoping it helps stabilize his moods.)

That said, I sometimes have to remind him that his brain chemistry doesn't work like mine. Medication is an attempt for his brain to mimic what naturally occurs in other brains. You are not weak for taking medication. I personally think anyone dealing with mental disorder is very strong because of its effect on their behavior.

Stay on those meds & here's hoping you'll adjust quickly. In the meantime, we're here for you.