Have you thought of or tried a support group (in person contact) or a therapist? Two biggest helps to me when my dad died when I as a teen.

I hope you get some good suggestions and that you feel some better soon.

(((hugs))) X

I go to group and have a weekly therapist session. However I fall apart when it's all over. They also aren't revolved around grief. I'm so confused. I have no idea if I'm even grieving. Or where I am in the process.

I have been through something a little similar--Dad died when I was 18 of lung cancer. We were very close and at war. My mom died the next year of Alzheimers. I never really knew her.

Huge hugs. You need to hug yourself. You have made it through the first month of a horrible loss. You may be on the way down, but surviving this far is an accomplishment.

I hope you have anyone to support, advise or care. Eventually, I got a therapist. I also had a Catholic nun that helped me a lot. Drove me to the mortuary & was there for me.

You have got to find how to let out as much pain as you can. You owe it to yourself. Write letters. Poems. Prayers or rage at God and the Universe. Light Candles. Release balloons (I know, environmentally bad. It was 85 and I was stupid then)

Also learn your sure and proven comforters. For me, food and driving in my car. Food was eventually unfortunate, but if I let it, ice cream worked every time.

I also took up running and distance biking post loss. Lots and lots of miles put in on open road.

Lastly, If you need to, self admit. Please. You posted here and everyone would feel guilty if seriously harmed yourself. You posted here looking for help from your peers....

LOL (lots of love),

chica

I'm so sorry about your loss. There are two places you might consider for help -- they are both excellent. I have family and friends who have used both.
1. Hospice Grief Support Classes -- They run quite a number of weeks and sometimes they will let people attend grief classes even if their loved one wasn't a hospice patient. They are the most caring people I know of. We've had 3 loved ones pass on with Hospice's help.
2. Grief Share is a 12 week grief support group/class that is run by different groups. Most often I hear of it being run by church's. My church happens to run it and you don't have to attend the church to participate--there are no obligations. Also, they let you retake the classes as often as you need it. There is no cost to attend except maybe the one time purchase of a workbook, which isn't expensive.

I hope this helps -- my heart goes out to you and your mom.

I think we all grieve in different ways, right?

We just don't want you hurting yourself with the purging. I've been told in the past that purging is a way of feeling you have some sort of control in at least one area of your life. Sorta makes sense if you're feeling lost and unsettled.

Keep reaching out. I would think you'd find a group that will fit your needs or perhaps a therapist you click with and get on more with?

Do you go to a church? What about a pastor to talk to?

Can a good friend just sit and listen to you talk and share feelings?

Oh yes...the releasing balloons is a great idea, too. I have done so for years for my dad. I usually attach a letter sharing memories and/or saying thanks for something.

I don't go to a church but considering going back. I have a friend to talk to but she has her own stuff going on. I feel like hurting myself. I'm pretty wiped out now from purging.

Is there someone who can sit with you till the urge to hurt yourself passes? I'm sure a friend, even with stuff going on, doesn't want you hurting yourself and will do whatever he/she can do.

Maybe call a crisis line, and if serious enough, go to a hospital?

At the very least, keep reaching out and talking here.

Big hug of comfort for you... Grief is such a painful process and I agree that a grief support group can be a wonderful support..

It's a process and a painful one... I went through the angry, irritable stage as well....

Yes I do believe you're grieving... I'll put up a link for the different stages of grief for you...xo

Stages of Grief

http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

I was 16 when my father at the time was 67 and he suddenly died. We had been very close most of my life but he was retired and I was a snotty teen and our relationship took a hit that I never got the chance to fix. Loosing a parent is hard but when that parent is your anchor or your soft spot you about feel like you are the one who died. A month after he died I had my first over dose and hospital stay.

so since you have therapy once a week can you tell your t that you need to do some grief work? My therapist and I work on what ever I want but I don't know if that is common or not. I'm old and I see older therapists so I don't know what todays sessions look like. You really should explore the SI with them if you aren't already doing so. In all my years I have only been clean from SI for a little over a year. That mostly is maintained only because my person lets me feel safe when I talk about those issues. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Everyone experiences the grieving process differently. You may go from the anger phase to the bargaining back to anger or you may just go through them 1-5 in a row you may take 3 yrs to get through it all but you will feel more normal in time just know that.

I think it's important to remember one doesn't get over the death of someone, one works through the death of someone. Big difference.

Sounds like you're trying to do just that. Work your way thru and manage. And in that way, eventually, you'll get to where you can remember and smile and not always focus on the pain.

touch mentioned work and that is exactly what it is. You can't cheat grief because if you want progress through it you have to work it. It is why I suggest asking your therapist if you can do grief work during your sessions. If you are purging and SI ing you should have someone helping you so things don't spiral more out of control. I didn't reach out and a month after my dad died I had my first inpatient stay.

I called a crisis line last night which helped some. I feel worse tonight but don't know if the hospital would even take me.

Charming, it is my understanding from my own experience that if you show up at the hospital (psych hospital) stating that you are going to harm yourself , they have to take you. And if one goes to a regular hospital, they must at least keep you safe if they don't have a mental health ward. Please get yourself down to a hospital right away. Or get a friend or relative to take you. If you can, let us know how you are doing.