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I'm devastated. I went on vacation with my parents, came back and my husband was acting strange. Everything was wonderful before I left. He was friends with his best friend and his wife. His wife was going through alot and he was txting her ALOT. I said something to him about it and he just told me they were friends andvi was being paranoid. Well we ended up getting into a big argument because he was deleting their txt msgs and. I talked to the womans husband about it all. We agreed we didn't think anything was going on but it was inappropriate behavior. Well the next day he cooled down, held me all night and was so loveable...he said he was trying not to be angry at me and her husband. We made love yesterday, he told me how beautiful I was and how he loved me. He was going to town to get something on his truck checked...I told him I wanted to go which he's usually all for. I had this feeling he was waiting for her to get off work so he could talk to her. He kissed me goodbye, told me he loved me and left. I had this gut feeling that told me to follow him. I lost him but drove by the car place first to see if he was there and he wasn't. I drove to her house and there was her truck and my husbands. I knocked on the door, no answer, I went inside I could hear talking from the bedroom...the door was open...they were just sitting on the edge of the bed naked.
They say they were thinking about it but changed their mind bc he loves me and she loves her husband and they were about to get dressed and my husband about to leave. He said if he was being accused he might as well do it because he was so mad at her husband and me he wasn't thinking straight.
He's begged for mine and her husband's forgiveness ....he's forgiven him...but I don't know what to do. He has cried and cried and I can tell he us genuinely sorry but I don't know if I could ever trust him again...if we have an argument is he going to run to someone else. How and why did this happen? He said I did nothing wrong he was just stupid. I feel broken and hopeless and if I leave I have no where to go. Should I give him another chance? How do you make such a decision? They've made it clear they will never speak again....I feel so dead inside.
They say they were thinking about it but changed their mind bc he loves me and she loves her husband and they were about to get dressed and my husband about to leave. He said if he was being accused he might as well do it because he was so mad at her husband and me he wasn't thinking straight.
He's begged for mine and her husband's forgiveness ....he's forgiven him...but I don't know what to do. He has cried and cried and I can tell he us genuinely sorry but I don't know if I could ever trust him again...if we have an argument is he going to run to someone else. How and why did this happen? He said I did nothing wrong he was just stupid. I feel broken and hopeless and if I leave I have no where to go. Should I give him another chance? How do you make such a decision? They've made it clear they will never speak again....I feel so dead inside.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
Why do people cheat is an eternal question; please don't blame yourself. This is your husband's problem, he must answer for it.
The fact that you caught them is really not a good enough explaination to say that they 'changed their mind'. Maybe they just got caught red-handed and are trying to talk their way out of it. I would be very wary of anything they say. They're just trying to dig themselves out the hole they're in now.
I have never been married; so i"m not the best judge of the matter on what to do next. That said, I think a 'time out' or brief separation might be in order. I think you need to get some distance from this and begin to detach because this may be the beginning of the end.
Or it may be repairable; but it will involve rebuilding trust and so far, your husband hasn't really earned that. I think he needs a 'time out' too so he can really get his head straight and decide what he honestly wants instead of just making promises that he may or may not keep.
Good luck to you sweetie. A therapy appointment might help too. Get as many people in your corner as you can. xxxx
"if he was being accused he might as well do it because he was so mad at her husband and me he wasn't thinking straight. "
That is such a common excuse from an abusive person. How long have you been married? Does he use similar excuses in reference to other issues?
My first husband would pull some outrageous stunts and when I'd get ready to leave him - he too would cry and beg me to stay - only to repeat one of his abuses.
If this is a pattern at all - please keep a diary or a journal of his actions and excuses when he creates a problem, so that you can refresh your memory if the need arises.
Not exactly owning up to his own behavior here; not a good sign.
So sorry. xxx
While it's possible that the two of them have never had sex, I'm sure the odds are really, really high that they have.
But since you have no direct proof of it, don't bother arguing the point with him. He may deny it and use that as 'proof' that he didn't actually cheat on you.
He did.
If you do discuss it with him, just stick with what you do know for sure. He lied to you and he got naked with another woman. He betrayed you.
You said:
" He said if he was being accused he might as well do it because he was so mad at her husband and me he wasn't thinking straight."
That cheap shot is just one more thing he should be ashamed of!
I highly recommend marriage counseling.
My then husband cheated on me during the first year of our marriage, so I know at least some of what you are feeling.
We went to marriage counseling and it saved the marriage. It also made our relationship much stronger than it had ever been.
We did end up divorcing, but that was 29 years later and it was due to other things (having a mentally disabled son and my Bipolar Disorder and other stressful situations), but infidelity was never a problem again.
And if you decide that you would like to go, but he balks at the idea, you can totally discount his tears and his claim of being genuinely sorry.
You can't know if you can trust him or believe what he is telling you now. He has already shown you that he is not above lying to you.
If he will not go for counseling and you elect to stay with him, I suggest that you go for therapy, on your own. It will help you come to terms with what has happened and aid in making up your mind about what you want to do.
Good luck!!!! I know you're feeling a great deal of hurt right now!!! (((((Hugs)))))
http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/page5.htm
Being naked with someone IS CHEATING. It is not just about the act, it is about everything in the person's heart and mind. Sex isn't the only way to cheat. For all you knew, they could have just finished. That guy is manipulator, sorry to say it.
Please take care of yourself.
However if you feel that having intimate relations or even slight connections with another is cheating or hurts you in some way then I totally support your views and decisions. For me it is all up to you and your values and how it makes you feel.
He cheated. Planned to. Delivered.
Regardless of what we think, cheaters like him will always want to have the cake and eat it too.
Give him a chance? Maybe. If they still want to get together, they can do it - not "speaking" but txting or having fake accounts on websites... There are ways.
What is horrible, is that he went all nice and lovable and then did it. I'm pretty sure that if you didn't find them, he would've brought to you the idea of "threesome" or "how about you going out with another man" because "I want you to experience" - in other words, again, to be the bigger person and cover up for the shit...
Sorry, my dear, only you can make a decission, and if you think your relationship is strong, it might just survive. Best of luck!
Oh, and try, just try to not let emotions overcome you completely. Broken hearts are real ER cases. Hugs!
Trust needs to be earned... it takes time and effort....you'll trust him when you're ready to..
I wouldn't make any decisions when you're so upset...if you need some space I would tell him that.. some therapy may help both of you...xo
going to say "we didn't really do it". I dunno thats just what i think.
Its depends on if you want to forgive and the bond is that strong. It is not going to be easy to build that trust again.
HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG X 1000
I really feel for you and hope things workout for you. Many positve thoughts and prayers for you. Peace.