This week is my birthday and all I can do is feel depressed. Why is it I always seem to have down times close to something exciting? I hate feeling down and like no one cares. I am not sure who does who doesn't and what they expect. I recently kicked my husband out of the house several months ago because I felt he wasn't doing what I needed out of the relationship. I started another one with a friend that now I don't know if he is wanting the same things as me. I just want to feel loved and appreciated for all of me. I hate feeling depressed and I feel it way to often. I am a Bipolar II so I have much more depression than mania but sometimes I just wish I had a little mania or hypomania to get me out of the funk. Plus I am turning 30 - its not about getting old its about what it has meant. I was told to have all of my kids by the time I was 30 due to another illness and now I can't have kids. Oh yeah i can adopt people say but that takes time and money things i dont have. So here we are two days before my bday and I am pushing even those that do care away because I am afraid of being alone again in the end....