Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Even though meds keep my BP under control, I still have moments of sudden rage. I have broken many a door and thrown many an object in these rages. Triggers are so numerous.
Due to this rage and deteriorating mind, I cannot work. Since these uncontrollable rages begin within a second, I fear I may hurt coworkers. I have already hurt family and neighbors... It just scares me to death. I have already had around 20 rage incidents at work the past 18 years... Lost my job due to them many times.
The pdocs have placed me on meds to control this rage but they leave me like a zombie so I do not take them. I already hardly feel happiness or sadness anymore. Everything is just blah.
Then comes my appt a few days ago. The pdoc said my rage had nothing to do with BP and that I was doing it to get attetnion!!! WTF??? I almost flew into a rage there but did not. Only God knows why I did not. I would have probably killed her.
See I brought in a phone I broke during a rage incident to show them what happens. I told them I was normal and even tempered when the phone rang. I answered and was given bad news - a contractor could not perform promised work. I just lost it within a second and broke the phone. So this pdoc says, "that's just a phone and can be replaced!" meaning that I was doing this for attention. WTF??? I was home alone at the time. And then the therapist cheerped in that I was fulling a self prophsey - that I think a rage incident will occur so it does. WTF. I do not wish these to occur. It kills off more brain cells (I feel) and it takes a good week to recover from them.
I am stuck with this pdoc as I am poor so use the county mental health facility.
So have any of you been told that your BP rage was of your own creation and nothing to do with your BP?
What BP rage incident would you like to share here?
One of mine was at work. I feel into rage, stormed out of the office, slammed open a glass door, the door hit the stop and shattered all the glass out of the door like rain falling. Luckily it was safety glass so I did not get cut.
Due to this rage and deteriorating mind, I cannot work. Since these uncontrollable rages begin within a second, I fear I may hurt coworkers. I have already hurt family and neighbors... It just scares me to death. I have already had around 20 rage incidents at work the past 18 years... Lost my job due to them many times.
The pdocs have placed me on meds to control this rage but they leave me like a zombie so I do not take them. I already hardly feel happiness or sadness anymore. Everything is just blah.
Then comes my appt a few days ago. The pdoc said my rage had nothing to do with BP and that I was doing it to get attetnion!!! WTF??? I almost flew into a rage there but did not. Only God knows why I did not. I would have probably killed her.
See I brought in a phone I broke during a rage incident to show them what happens. I told them I was normal and even tempered when the phone rang. I answered and was given bad news - a contractor could not perform promised work. I just lost it within a second and broke the phone. So this pdoc says, "that's just a phone and can be replaced!" meaning that I was doing this for attention. WTF??? I was home alone at the time. And then the therapist cheerped in that I was fulling a self prophsey - that I think a rage incident will occur so it does. WTF. I do not wish these to occur. It kills off more brain cells (I feel) and it takes a good week to recover from them.
I am stuck with this pdoc as I am poor so use the county mental health facility.
So have any of you been told that your BP rage was of your own creation and nothing to do with your BP?
What BP rage incident would you like to share here?
One of mine was at work. I feel into rage, stormed out of the office, slammed open a glass door, the door hit the stop and shattered all the glass out of the door like rain falling. Luckily it was safety glass so I did not get cut.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Kicked a fax machine to pieces.
Smashed a few phone (fixed line) handsets.
Fairly minor really.
She has just as bad a temper as I do and knew and understood why I am upset Thank god otherwise I would have lost my job.
I have punched many walls and thrown many phones.
also vent out so much here or with us or with someone close, try to discharge as possible,
We are here for you,
Cheers,
ScubaBeeper
I used to have anger problems, nowhere near that bad but when I had a mixed episode I once shredded a sheet with a pen. I know that's nothing compared...but I really suggest staying on the meds and seeing if you can adapt to them. I know you're not really seeking advice so much as anecdotes but there you go.
I agree that you should tell your doc that you aren't taking hte meds and why. Maybe they could put you on something else. There are a lot of med cocktails to try before you find the right one sometimes.
Since I started Seroquel XR years ago, it's pretty much gone (unless I miss my meds). I agree with Zsa...if your pdoc thinks you are taking the med to help and you're not, that could be the cause of his confusion. Now the raging me would have said "that could be the cause of his idiocy and stupidity" :-)
One of mine, was when said government officials showed up at my door (two cops, a CS investigator, and "my" therapist on "my" behalf.) I'll leave the rest to your imagination. It wasn't very pretty. But I did manage to keep them from impounding me. Felt pretty F****** good about that.
I throw heavy glass at walls when Ia m angry. My son who is BP has hit pp andlanded in jail. He also threw a chair and hit someone once. He finally was told by a pdoc that he could get into real trouble and end up in prison where he wouldnt have anything too throw nd they would not be nice to him if he got angry. My son had anger management classes and a change of meds. He to felt like a zombie. But he doesntt have rages anymore. He doesnt hurt pp or things anymore.
I am sorry you are stuck with an unfeeling pdoc
This rage which takes me over is not controlable due to how fast it hits. So for me it is not an anger issue. I am not an angry person.
It is not like most anger issues where the anger builds and builds due to events of the day, then you come home and kick the dog. This rage occurs within one second - from normal to all out cussing/yelling/throwing stuff/hitting stuff. But it is always caused by some unexpected event.
I too fear that one day I may get physical and end up in jail/prison. Cops were called once for something I did. Again, if I could think about it, would I risk my life, job, family, etc? NO.
The meds i took for the rage were abilify (which gave me terrible side effects) and resperdol (which turned me into a zombie). maybe there are other meds out there which would help.
I too wondered if the pdoc was trying to provoke me. I felt something within me rise but it was not the same as when the rage hits.
cognitive therapy was very helpful for me and there are many types of good therapy
there are ways to bring this under control with help and your doc may be able to refer you to someone or an organization that isnt expensive.. the combination of meds with therapy is good
Thankfully rare with meds. Awful, awful, awful. Don't even wanna dig up memories...omg, one time I flushed the book the person I was talking to, was reading, down the loo...well, tried- ripped in half first, all in a furious, combustible lather. For shame, eek. Thankfully, was obviously deeply unwell & was forgiven.
In those extreme states too...you think you're making a lot of sense & have absolute clarity (& decorum) on your side= so don't. Thank fuck for antipsychotics, really. So embarassing.
The rage doesn't follow out of episodes so haven't been thus accused.
Do meds help you? Or do you lose your head (full on) regularly anyway?
Now its like when I get angry I am afraid it might turn to rage. And ooooo how it feels when I do get angry. Its like a drug that I can feel flowing through my whole body, and that feeling stays with me for hours after the anger is long gone.