Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Sorry, I posted this as a journal entry too. New to the site and I guess this relates to a few different forums, but seeing as I am diagnosed BiPolar I thought it would be most relevant here. Apologies if it is in the wrong forum, and for the long essay-like rambling. Don't read if you don't want to.
I've heard various opinions on this, but something straight-up and candid would be much appreciated. I've been bulimic (usually combined with restricting) for 11 and a half years. I have also been on a whole concoction of meds for at least eight years. Currently (for the last four years) I've been on 54mg Concerta, 200mg Epitek, 60mg Nuzak, 150mg Toplet, 200mg Seroquel, 2mg Rivotril, I double my dose of Concerta and double/triple my dose of Rivotril and also see another doctor on the side where I get Bromazepam and Ritalin (as I run out of the Concerta way before the end of the month). Have crazy panic attacks, sleep is a huge problem . I can sleep for days on end. And then go through days without any sleep and heightened anxiety. I have been diagnosed Bipolar, and now maybe Borderline. Also OCD, ADD and suffer extreme paranoia at times. I have very graphic and highly disturbing images that come to mind randomly throughout the day and with no trigger leading to them. I've had problems breathing at night without the Rivotril / any type of benzo and see flashing lights (like little starts) throughout the day. Feel an urgency to do something meaningful in my life, so I live very spontaneously and don't think of consequences. Just in a really bad place mentally and I think physically too. Not sure what to do anymore, do not feel much of a purpose. Work has been my life for the last decade and by realising my 'dream' I lost all my friends as I had no time for anyone. I feel drained. My drive is turning into smile of indifference and a mechanic routine of distraction to keep bay the thoughts I have. I actually just want to feel a sense of peace. It's been an ongoing struggle for so long and I really am just so tired now. When do you finally face up to reality and make a decision to at least bring an end to the chaos that never ends.
I've heard various opinions on this, but something straight-up and candid would be much appreciated. I've been bulimic (usually combined with restricting) for 11 and a half years. I have also been on a whole concoction of meds for at least eight years. Currently (for the last four years) I've been on 54mg Concerta, 200mg Epitek, 60mg Nuzak, 150mg Toplet, 200mg Seroquel, 2mg Rivotril, I double my dose of Concerta and double/triple my dose of Rivotril and also see another doctor on the side where I get Bromazepam and Ritalin (as I run out of the Concerta way before the end of the month). Have crazy panic attacks, sleep is a huge problem . I can sleep for days on end. And then go through days without any sleep and heightened anxiety. I have been diagnosed Bipolar, and now maybe Borderline. Also OCD, ADD and suffer extreme paranoia at times. I have very graphic and highly disturbing images that come to mind randomly throughout the day and with no trigger leading to them. I've had problems breathing at night without the Rivotril / any type of benzo and see flashing lights (like little starts) throughout the day. Feel an urgency to do something meaningful in my life, so I live very spontaneously and don't think of consequences. Just in a really bad place mentally and I think physically too. Not sure what to do anymore, do not feel much of a purpose. Work has been my life for the last decade and by realising my 'dream' I lost all my friends as I had no time for anyone. I feel drained. My drive is turning into smile of indifference and a mechanic routine of distraction to keep bay the thoughts I have. I actually just want to feel a sense of peace. It's been an ongoing struggle for so long and I really am just so tired now. When do you finally face up to reality and make a decision to at least bring an end to the chaos that never ends.
-
Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
-
Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time right now..... You are on a lot of medication.... Being on Ritalin and having crazy panic attacks might be related?? and could also effect your sleep? perhaps?
If you post under the general bipolar category more people will see your post sweetie..
I'm putting up a link for the Eating Disorders Group
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Eating-Disorders/support-group
http://www.dailystrength.org/component/option,com_joomlaboard/Itemid,53/func,post/catid,1032/do,reply/type,1
I can relate to a lot of what you share--lots of meds, physical problems(lupus, chronic pain, etc), the joy of a Borderline diagnosis and even flashing lights. This is not a p*ssing contest, but I do take over 25 pills a day. I stopped counting. Life has its suffering
Have your doctors ever checked you for a seizure disorder? The brilliant images and flashing lights really make me think that, but I'm not a doctor LOL. I am on 2 different siezure meds--Gabapentin 600mg 3 times daily and Trileptal 600mg at night, plus Lithium 650mg, and Escitaprolam 20mg. Lithium is by far the best thing I have found and helps me with depression too.
I used to take the Prozac (Nuzak) 20mg, but honestly it charged me up too much and I was happy to get off it. Some people with Bipolar can tolerate 60mg but it might be too much.
Mental and physical go together. Fatigue drains everything and lends to despair. You have to take care of your body, spirit, mind and life.
Balance can be found.
New friends can be found too....real friends.
You can get better. Chaos can end. Realizing how bad it is and what you want---peace, purpose and meaning can guide you.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Can you check into a hospital? What resources do you have?
((hugs)) from CA