Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I might be insane, but I really miss the mania and I actually had a blast during my psychosis. I know, I know. But for the first time in a long time I felt happy and complete, all while being psychotic and "manic." I know a lot of people seem to have bad experiences, but most of mine felt great. At least for me. My boyfriend and dad were the ones who dragged me to the hospital because I was psychotic and apparently I wasn't eating, sleeping or drinking water. In my head then I was being fed by the spirit (I talked to the voice of "God.")
To be honest I wish they would have just let me be. I know that might be a bad thing to say, but I really wish I was just left alone. When they shot me up with drugs that brought me back down, they brought me back down to being more miserable than I ever was before my "mania." Life without my mania is extremely dull. A colorless rainbow. I can't see the beauty in anything anymore. I don't find joy in anything. I've been forcing myself to exercise and try to get back to a healthy daily structure, but most of the time I stop and wonder why the hell any of it matters. I am going to get old and die someday anyway. I don't think I want kids. I have a boyfriend who just wants to live day to day and not plan for any future right now.
I am just massively bored with life at the moment and depressed. I keep hearing this will pass, but I don't like living right now. This experience has also tested my faith. I thought spirits were talking to me but if the meds stop the voices, then it was apparently a chemical imbalance. Now I am questioning if any of what I ever believed in is real, or if this is all there is. If this is all there is I wish to "God" I was just left alone. I don't care if I was crazy, I was happy and in heaven and if that's all the heaven I get to see, then I would have been better off being left alone. At least I'd die happy.
Sorry to be all negative but this is how I truly feel. What is the point of living a life of misery? I would like to hear from people who actually enjoyed their experience. I am sort of tired of hearing about medication. The meds haven't done anything for me but make me feel like a zombie. So what if I don't hear voices now. I am miserable and feel like I am just here wasting air. So does anyone else actually miss the mania? Again sorry to be negative but just being honest.
To be honest I wish they would have just let me be. I know that might be a bad thing to say, but I really wish I was just left alone. When they shot me up with drugs that brought me back down, they brought me back down to being more miserable than I ever was before my "mania." Life without my mania is extremely dull. A colorless rainbow. I can't see the beauty in anything anymore. I don't find joy in anything. I've been forcing myself to exercise and try to get back to a healthy daily structure, but most of the time I stop and wonder why the hell any of it matters. I am going to get old and die someday anyway. I don't think I want kids. I have a boyfriend who just wants to live day to day and not plan for any future right now.
I am just massively bored with life at the moment and depressed. I keep hearing this will pass, but I don't like living right now. This experience has also tested my faith. I thought spirits were talking to me but if the meds stop the voices, then it was apparently a chemical imbalance. Now I am questioning if any of what I ever believed in is real, or if this is all there is. If this is all there is I wish to "God" I was just left alone. I don't care if I was crazy, I was happy and in heaven and if that's all the heaven I get to see, then I would have been better off being left alone. At least I'd die happy.
Sorry to be all negative but this is how I truly feel. What is the point of living a life of misery? I would like to hear from people who actually enjoyed their experience. I am sort of tired of hearing about medication. The meds haven't done anything for me but make me feel like a zombie. So what if I don't hear voices now. I am miserable and feel like I am just here wasting air. So does anyone else actually miss the mania? Again sorry to be negative but just being honest.
For me, I prefer a good life - not bits and pieces of mania, that has huge consquences. It's not fun for me at all - my goal is to have the right feelings for the right circumstances - if life sucks, I should feel bored and bad. If life is good, I should enjoy and laugh with family and friends..
So, I must say - you are different -missing, not eating, drinking, participating and think that's was great!
Manic to me, its fun - till its not.... Your lucky to have people drag you to ER - I would die alone, and no one would notice or care....
I don't have good mania experiences to share.
The one thing I told him..was how much I missed hypomania , even a manic episode of a week or so....anything but this flatness
His answer to me was
You bipolar people , who have lived large , you have been SUPER HERO'S ...and now to live as a mere mortal...was hard for us .
I had to laugh...because it's so true
And I agree with Gina, mania is fun, until it's not
Being in the opposite state of depression,where the docs prefer is crap.. I'm with you.. not even full blown mania.. how about just a little hypo. I climb out of depression just to be kicked in the chest by life and back down I go..
There is nothing wrong with missing a time when God and the world seemed t be there for you. I knw I miss it. This shit sucks that halfway crap. Normal for who.. this isn't me. This isn't my normal and frankly I'm ready to step off onto the reality I once lived and miss..
I always seem to know when the edge is near and rather than drag my family or friends into it, I call the police and let them deal with me before I hurt myself or someone else with my increasingly reckless behavior. I usually end up in the hospital and THEN, my sister come to visit me.
I have been bipolar for 30 years and have lived thru and learned a lot. I've been stable, NOT zombie like for 5-6 yrs, most recently, on a pretty good med cocktail. I have had tons of counseling over the years and though I still have some pretty nice UPs and some sucky down times, I wouldn't really want to change much in my life plan, other than to lose weight and do better budgeting my money.
Don't apologize for feelings, yours are what you feel.
Maybe they'd have left me alone to speak with this entity longer. I don't blame my dad and boyfriend for taking me to the hospital, but I can't help being angry. I feel robbed and I have no one in particular to be angry at, just the situation. I felt like I was pulled out of heaven and shoved back down into this crappy reality. And yes, I felt like a super hero. Being mere mortal is boring as hell LOL.
I would rather be crazy than depressed to be quite honest. I was harmless during my crazy state. Heck I wanted to save the whole world and I thought I WAS saving it LOL.
Learning to enjoy life without talking to God? Worth the work : )
What are you doing to change, your boring life? Support groups, friends? Volunteer work, or do you have a job?
You can't sit doing nothing, missing mania! I got busy, I got better! I do think of being bored as progress though, that you don't know what to do with it? LOL Normal : )
I am not working but I thought about volunteering at a wildlife center near my house and I plan to go back to school in September to learn aircraft mechanics. Yeah aircraft mechanic I kind of just picked out of a whole sea of options since I found an affordable program right next to my house lol. Not sure how I'll like it yet, but I do like planes so we'll see.
Part of my depression is that nothing excites me or brings me joy anymore. NOTHING excites me right now which is why I just picked something I *might* like and that pays decent so that I can try getting back into the workforce (as a mere mortal. Boo LOL)
I'll probably be the only female in the class lol. I just need to try SOMETHING so I can re-enter the world. I don't know how well I'll do or if I'll even like it. The class is cheap enough though so that if I end up not liking it, I haven't lost much. I'm not really a people person so I guess it might be an okay fit for me lol. I used to want to work with animals, but I'm probably better off just volunteering.
I used to love all kinds of things. Lots of things used to excite me. Now nothing does and that's why I am so bored. I hope the boredom is progress. But I really don't want to go through life bored out of my mind either LOL.
It does get better after psychosis.
You sound like you have some plans.
about the Inner Voice - I recommend a small book called "Listening" by Lee Coit It was recommended to me by a healer/Physical Therapist named John Barnes. He teaches Myofascial Release courses which have helped me grow over the years. "Listening" helped me a lot.