Oh, honey, what to say, what to say.....hmmm. I have often thought of going off my meds thinking maybe I would be "normal" or would be alright without them, but I never have nor will I. I am too afraid of the consequences. I would say it is a combination of your hormones AND lack of meds that is fueling your rage. You should go back on your meds!! I know it sucks to have to take meds every day but if you had some physical disease like high blood pressure or summat, you would take your meds wouldn't you? I would and so should you Sweety. Take care of yourself and be safe!!

She cant see this msg from me...

But I know how she feels.
I know thats the worst thing to say to someone who is suffering because it sounds condescending as if to say "yeah so what that happens to everyone".

I'm not.
I genuinely am at that very same point.
(monkies bawls!? Dude that is soo like true and stuff)


Gump

You have been forgiven.....I dig John Mayer....I'm ragging it....tired of being normal....angry and fed up with my life.....wish I was something more besides a housewife who is mentally insane.

what meds were you on... i would love to see normal... i haven't ever been normal...

I was on Geodon I still am.....slowly weeing myself off....I am on wellbutrin....I broke down because of the depression and took one today....I been off wellbutrin for 2 days but I succumbed.....I have been taking only half of the 160 mg dose of geodon I normally am supposed to take, and then after I ween myself from my meds I am not so sure I am going to see my shrink anymore.....I am sick and tired of doctors telling me what to do.

On thing I learn the hard way of course was never to listen to myself about taking meds. this illness is so cunning....when feeling great, it has me thinking I don't need the meds anymore. And when I was depressed for what I thought was too long, the meds aren't working. Or if I didn't like the effects (like drowsiness, numb feeling, and such) the meds made me feel, I'd quit them. Each time I took the toll and made things worse. Anger, irritability were the first signs. Then like clockwork, i was back to my old self....a mess.

After about the third time of it, I finally realized, i had to quit fighting it. I was to be on meds for this illness the rest of my life, just like someone with High BP, or diabetes or whatever. And that if I didn't like the way I felt, all I had to do was tell my PDoc and he would make a change or an adjustment. I literally would tell him I hate the shit and I'm NOT going to take it anymore, that there had to be something else. He would calm me down and we would find another solution that worked better.

It took a few times before I found the right meds for me, but if I was going to take meds, than I would not settle for anything less than something that felt right for me. I'm part of the picture too, not just a PDoc with a script and a pen. I know my body and what feels right and what doesn't and I will speak up about it every time.

Hope that is of some help for you.

I really wish you the best. I don't want to seem condescending or patronizing so I won't TELL you to take your meds. I can only suggest it, as I've gone off them myself and it took me YEARS to get back on track. I had a total psychotic breakdown and it was NOT a fun period in time, though mania can SEEM fun at first.

Just my 2 cents...I would take the meds.

There have been a couple times that I forgot meds for just like a day...and it was horrible...I would never do it intentionally

good luck to you :)

Oh, and I am often very angry and irritable even when on meds

I am so sorry that you feel this way, I can relate so completely to everything you say. Hormones play a huge part in the fluctuation of our moods and cycles especially in bipolar disorder. I read your profile and was very impressed by all that you do to try to deal with it. Your daughter is beautiful and I am sure she is a wonderful inspiration for you. I am hearing many things as I read your threads and posts within the threads. Frustration is a key element in the fallout that we deal with in this disorder. You are very young and have your whole life to decide exactly what you need to do to be your best self. I have dealt with this disorder for over thirty years and I was just 29 when I decided to really take it serious after being diagnosed at age 18. Dont give up sweetie, you will figure it out. Everyone's experience in this illness is different yet the same in many ways. I honestly have found that now that I am through menopause I dont fluctuate near as much. There are several meds on the market that do not cause your libido to disappear. I have had a wonderful pdoc and therapist for the last 20 years who have worked closely with me. It is important that you have that kind of relationship with your docs so you can tell them these things. If you are seriously weaning off your meds, I hope you have discussed it with your pdoc. It only causes friction in the relationship with him not too especially if you need to see him in the near future for care. This would never be a good time for me to wean off or stop meds as I get seriously depressed in the winter. Please be careful to maintain good care for yourself entering these "low light" months. It sounds like your husband is understanding of your illness and I dont think him selfish for wanting your libido to return. We all have sexual needs and it does help our relationship to have that closeness. Please consider calling your pdoc or therapist and discussing this with them. I also hope you realize that there is no greater value than staying home and raising your daughter and caring for your family. I have done it for the last 20 years and it has been very satisfying. Remember you and be good to you by nurturing those gifts that you have learning all that you can to be the best that you can be. Blessings on your journey and your decisions. Hugs

I am somewhat angry and quite irritable now. I think I need my meds tweeked. I have to be very careful what I post so as not to piss people off but I'm effing tired of it and my life in general right now. More power to you (sincerely) if you can get off your meds. I know I can't.

Thanks for all the posts everyone......I still plan to ween myself off of this crap so I can have my libido back.

Don't ween yourself off without your doctor's guidance. It's a horrible thing to find oneself taking herself off her meds only to find that 1) you're claiming to be Metatron the Voice of God as you set gas pumps on fire, 2) sunk in the corner of your closet humming to yourself in hopelessness, or 3) have suddenly found yourself in prison for blowing someone's head off because they honked at you when you sat at the green light for 3 seconds too long.

There are a bunch of other things that you could go through that are not as bad or worse, but when you're in a state of mind where you don't know the difference, you won't be able to tell.

Stay on the meds, talk to your doctor about what you want and find a compromise. Otherwise you may end up far from "normal".

P.S., I speak from experience.

I am sick and tired of normal Dave.....I been normal for a year it was so boring it sucked. I wasn't high or low or anything. I was just there. I was a drone.

Have we not learned anything as bps, but to tell this sister to take her meds? You can't go off your meds on your own! Talk to your pdoc about what your meds are not doing for you and keep trying to find the right answer. Don't give up!