Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
another psychosis/hallucination post, it's obviously on my mind.
anyway.
because i am aware of them, think they're real, then rationalize myself to know that millions of spiders arent on me, and that dead men with faces falling off will not appear before me.
is this part of the mood disorder i wonder? something on the side ? i've had psychosis before but it was much more internal, more paranoid thoughts, delusions never so many hallucinations.
i heard that only people with psychotic depression have insight to their delusions. i know i am not displaying signs of hypo/mania or a mixed state rather insomnia/anxiety/aggitation and depression which always comes with my depressive episodes.
i want answers and i cant find any and im throwing ideas around and my mind wont shut the fuck up telling me that the cat that was stood outside my gate staring at me has cameras in his eyes and hes reporting back to some agency about me. that the walls have ears and i cant trust anyone.
i cant stop eating, its something that makes me feel connected to reality i feel like a fucking slug its ridiculous. im not hungry but the action of finding something, putting it in my mouth, chewing it, tasting it, perhaps im not even tasting im a bit robotic.
i usually dont eat depressed. but this time its a distraction from the anxiety and my thoughts.
i feel like i need to hold my head between my hands. to keep it still and stable and mine.
anyway.
because i am aware of them, think they're real, then rationalize myself to know that millions of spiders arent on me, and that dead men with faces falling off will not appear before me.
is this part of the mood disorder i wonder? something on the side ? i've had psychosis before but it was much more internal, more paranoid thoughts, delusions never so many hallucinations.
i heard that only people with psychotic depression have insight to their delusions. i know i am not displaying signs of hypo/mania or a mixed state rather insomnia/anxiety/aggitation and depression which always comes with my depressive episodes.
i want answers and i cant find any and im throwing ideas around and my mind wont shut the fuck up telling me that the cat that was stood outside my gate staring at me has cameras in his eyes and hes reporting back to some agency about me. that the walls have ears and i cant trust anyone.
i cant stop eating, its something that makes me feel connected to reality i feel like a fucking slug its ridiculous. im not hungry but the action of finding something, putting it in my mouth, chewing it, tasting it, perhaps im not even tasting im a bit robotic.
i usually dont eat depressed. but this time its a distraction from the anxiety and my thoughts.
i feel like i need to hold my head between my hands. to keep it still and stable and mine.
You may not like the reaction you get...
I am saying this because I did not have a good experience.
Before I was diagnosed with BP and PTSD.... I was a small girl in a big sea of confusion and suffering. I started having flashbacks of my abuse when I was a child. I would relive events and I was afraid to sleep...... but my doctor wouldnt listen to me.
So I drew what I was seeing... and I wrote out descriptions and the thoughts that wouldnt let me sleep... and alot of very heavy stuff.
My doctors looked at it.. looked at me.... and told me in no uncertain words.... that I was a BASKET CASE and needed MENTAL HELP. I told him that is what I was there for.
He wrote on a script paper... Mary Lou needs psychiatric help. And sent me on my way. I hade to search the city for a doc that would see me for free.
I will never forget how I was treated until I was in the right hands.
And the first thing I think when Im feeling crazy is how I am a basket case .... and it really hurts.
I hope you prepare yourself for your GPs reaction... because it might not be supportive. :(
I hope you get down to the business thats causing your suffering and it is referred to the right professional.
I stopped reading comments after I read that you were gunna print out your posts....
Obviously it went well.
Im happy you didnt get smacked in the face like I did.
The spiders may represent some issue of the past that you may not have dealt with OR your primal instincts of "Something is wrong with the world" may have kicked in.
With recessions and this odd weather and all these bad things going in the world, it may sound simplistic but your dreams may reflect the stressors of having to deal with the broken economy everywhere.
Or, it could be the gap thing that you talked about--the lack of services availed to your age group.
All of these stressors may be culminating or rolling into one bad stressor and the stressor is coming out as a psychosis.
Some people say that if you can work through a psychosis, it may make you stronger. Now, I don't mean to sound obvious about that, but further, after a psychosis, you may discover new things about yourself that are GOOD and you might be stronger, wiser, and more enligthenend at the end.
I AM NOT saying that a psychosis is good, necessarily, but I'd say that if you can get through it after seeking proper help that you may find that you are further on your own psychological and spiritual journey (in a reflective sense, that is).
And at the end of it, you might also be able to share experience, strengnth and hope for someone else.
So..........You are so great and so smart and I hope that you know that we support you here.
i decided against showing her my writing, because it seemed rehearsed. but i will deffo keep in mind what youve said, what a stupid "dr" you didnt in anyway deserve that vile treatment.
achala :) thanks for the positive outlook it does make things more bareable.
i went into town to pick up some shampoo because :O I WILL SHOWER ? ?
anyway, there were people staring and laughing and pointing at me and saying how stupid i look and then a voice was all like
you're such a failure you dont deserve to live go and kill yourself you stupid bitch.
and then i got my shampoo. and came home. and now i am so sleepy because im finally sleepy.
thanks guys, all means so much seriously surprised how much support ive recieved, in real life nobody cares about me