another psychosis/hallucination post, it's obviously on my mind.

anyway.
because i am aware of them, think they're real, then rationalize myself to know that millions of spiders arent on me, and that dead men with faces falling off will not appear before me.

is this part of the mood disorder i wonder? something on the side ? i've had psychosis before but it was much more internal, more paranoid thoughts, delusions never so many hallucinations.

i heard that only people with psychotic depression have insight to their delusions. i know i am not displaying signs of hypo/mania or a mixed state rather insomnia/anxiety/aggitation and depression which always comes with my depressive episodes.

i want answers and i cant find any and im throwing ideas around and my mind wont shut the fuck up telling me that the cat that was stood outside my gate staring at me has cameras in his eyes and hes reporting back to some agency about me. that the walls have ears and i cant trust anyone.
i cant stop eating, its something that makes me feel connected to reality i feel like a fucking slug its ridiculous. im not hungry but the action of finding something, putting it in my mouth, chewing it, tasting it, perhaps im not even tasting im a bit robotic.
i usually dont eat depressed. but this time its a distraction from the anxiety and my thoughts.

i feel like i need to hold my head between my hands. to keep it still and stable and mine.