Heretic, ask yourself where all that anger and pain will lead? It is the past, learn to leave it there and not allow others to have that control over you. Easier said than done, I know, but very possible. You decide what direction you want to see....forward or backward. It is time to move on, move forward, and enjoy the life left to you.

I have experienced great pain and torture in my life and left it for those who dwell in it. It is theirs now, not mine.

Find your gifts and desires and live with those, not the hate and torture of others...xo

Have you tried therapy? And even if you have, perhaps you should give it a try again!!!
There are ways to help you learn how to let go of old, useless anger. Right now, you don't seem to be able to do that on your own.
I carried every hurt I had ever had when I was younger. But then I had therapy and I learned how to let anger go, both old anger and new anger, as it comes along.
I hope you can find some way of letting it go!!! You would feel so much lighter!!!!!
Take good care!!! (((((Hugs)))))

I think Therapy would be an excellent idea. If only I could afford it and find the time in my work schedule and the bus fare... but it's still a good idea. I think it would help - providing I had a good therapist. But I honestly don't see it happening in the near future. To bad for me.

i still have the same troubles even over a decade later from such traumatic events and hurt etc in my life. Have been to various councilors, been diagnosed with bp2 and on meds. Still anger haunts me and still exposes its ugly self and unleashes!! its like a decease i cannot rid myself of. Good luck with your anger management !!

They say the best revenge is living well.

Fine in theory, but as you say, how can you let it go, it feels like you are letting them get away with it.

My last counsellor even had it pinned up on her wall. She specialised in the kind of counselling where people naturally want revenge.

I still have a lot of anger at bad things people have done to me, but I have managed to mostly let go of it. I keep a hold of some of it for self protection - I will never let that happen to me again and will be on my guard as much as possible.

Maybe your anger is trying to protect you in some way but is stuck in overdrive. Perhaps its keeping the memories alive so you can be alert to stop it happening again?

Do you have any thoughts of revenge against these people or are your thoughts repeatedly reliving what they did to you.

I think that trying to forgive and move on is amicable, but not always practical. These things that happened in your past may be deep rooted into your subconscious. I know that you wrote that you can't afford it or find the time, but counseling may be a good idea or perhaps you could find a free anger management support group somewhere.

Would confronting the people who have cause you all this pain help? If you could would it make you feel better? Perhaps you can find a constructive outlet for your anger? These are just some ideas for you to consider.

I have exactly the sme feelings about my past. A good cry helped me relax a bit the other day when I listened to the song, Stand Still Look Pretty. By The Wreckers.

Some of the people I am angry with are dead. Some I have confronted and they laughed at my pain and told me I was ridiculous.

I don't want to take revenge on anyone personally, what I want is for other people to see what has happened and stand up for me. I want the people who have hurt me to be exposed for what they are. I want everyone in their lives to know how evil they are, and I want the people who have hurt me to suffer in the same ways they caused me to suffer.

In a nutshell, I want the universe to step in and give a shit.

I'm going through some anger work with my psychologist at the moment. The thing I've realised is that anger is masked emotions/feelings. Once you challenge these emotions/feelings the anger goes & you can live life in the present & not the past.

I'm not sure what feeling anger could be "masking". For me anger is a predominate emotion. I am also aware of my other emotions, the hurt, humiliation, and sadness. Different emotions surface with greater intensity at different times. I know I would benefit from therapy, but I can't afford to pay for it nor could I afford the time off of work. I wish this were not so.

Heretic, you wrote about suicide, didn't you? Good news! That was just your anger talking. It all makes so much sense now! Being angry and not being able to do anything about it can make people thoroughly suicidal. I was there twice - very suicidal, then had therapy, then rediscovered my anger, and become much less suicidal. I joke now that I know therapy works when I go from being suicidal to being homicidal. The question is what to do with the anger then. I was extremely lucky in that my mother decided to apologize what what she did to me, and that one sentence erased loads and loads of anger (because I knew from her behavior it was sincere). With my later episode, no such luck. I can't get a decent apology from my husband, and his behavior does not indicate change, and I'm not even going to ask my boss for one, so I'm stuck with my anger and it's destructive power. First-person shooter games help a lot. I started playing Wolfenstein Enemy Territory, it's online and it's free, and blowing people up releases a lot of tension. It does take skill though, so it's not ideal as there is a learning curve. Back when I was in graduate school, in my first serious suicidal time, I played Doom II. That was quicker to get into. I couldn't do anything about my advisor's treatment of me, but blowing up aliens helped. Slowly (with therapy) I went from obsessing about suicide every day, all day, for about a year and a half, to actually enjoying life at one point. I had to talk myself out of committing suicide once or twice daily during that time, but that too passed. I can't use any anti-depressants because they make me manic and unable to work, but light therapy helped this last time. It takes some weeks, and you have to keep at it, but it's been better than meds so far. Please give it a good try, and come back to let us know how it went for you. It didn't make my life better, but now I don't care that it sucks, and can be around semi-sane for my daughter. And frankly, I'm starting to get some enjoyment from talking to people etc, too.

LOL, cb72, you made me laugh and that is rare. My desire to leave this lifetime is not fueled by anger. I have lots of anger, yes, but in the overall picture it is one of my lesser emotions. I just felt like posting about that particular one at the time.

If I had a husband or child I would never consider suicide. My life situation is different from yours, and I am glad you are doing well. I will not receive apologies from people long dead, or from any of the hundreds of others I have had interactions with in this lifetime. Nor would apologies rectify the damage that was done.

I understand the value of releasing aggression thru gaming, but again, my anger isn't what is causing me to want to end my life. Anger is just one part of my life. The other parts of my life are worse. I live in a city that gets 345 days of sunshine per year, so I think I get plenty of light, and the various medications I am on have made me calmer and more lucid. I can think much more clearly about my options than I could a year ago, and for that I am grateful.

Again, I am glad you are sticking around for a family that needs you. You are doing the right thing. My situation is different. Thanks for taking the time to write, and hope all continues to go well for you.

Therapy helped me. It doesn't eradicate the pain but it dulls it and it helps power shift. I avoid the same brick wall that would have smacked into my day.

The thing that fuels the anger is the lack of forgiveness in ourselves. If we do not forgive others, dead or alive, it will eat us alive. And God will not forgive us. But he knows if we don't forgive we do end up on the wrong side of hatred - either for self or others. The self hatred really is a brick wall.

But I am preaching. Sorry to go and get serious at a party!

You are right, lack of forgiveness can be very painful. But I know God is greater, wiser and more powerful than I - and thankfully Gods forgiveness does not depend on mine. God would never withhold forgiveness for any reason. Humans on the other hand are not as all-powerful as God, nor do we come close to having the same abilities to forgive. But God knows this.
I'll quit preaching now myself!