Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I was in the car with my aunt talking about how I'm not comfortable in my own home.
Her stance is since I don't contribute jackshit anything financially, I have to deal with literally anything my mother throws my way, and do it with a grateful smile on my face, like an orphan.
I paid almost $2,000 this month in rent and bills. Like. 1/3-2/3s of my money, the only money I'll have for a LONG while.
And she's like "Fucking so what? She's paid hundreds of thousands for you over your lifetime"
So I said, "What? You act like the thousands I paid this month is a drop in the bucket" and she's like "Goddamn right".
And I lost it and started bawling because I thought, how fucking ungrateful. I paid MONEY I DIDN'T HAVE because I felt obligated and also it made me feel good to do what I could, y'know? And I know this is her opinion and not my mother's, but still.
And she's like "Stop that shit! Your mother is ILL and I am NOT going to allow her to deal with your ass." So I asked her, "What, you want me to be false and put on a 'fake smile' when I walk in? Into my own house?"
And she said "DAMN. RIGHT!" and told me to get the fuck out of the car. Which I didn't want to do, because I couldn't get myself to stop crying within the 20 seconds it took to walk to my house, as she demanded me to do.
So I just laid on the grass for a few minutes, and walked straight into my room. I'm in here. I'm not going to let my mum see me like this, because according to my aunt, these feelings are shameful, and getting "out of control" upset like I am is selfish, and an absolute disgrace.
I should, according to her logic, suck it the fuck up, because it's the right thing to do, so I should hold myself to that standard no matter what and not let my family see my pain, because it's so fucking ridiculous that these feelings I have exist.
That's it. I don't want to live anymore. I can't live with a family who openly and proudly discourages showing of emotions. I can't get another family. Nobody would adopt me. I'm a grown ass adult who can't work. And my gender's weird. I'm a f*ggot (MY slur that I reclaimed) and not a proper lady. I can't show emotions right, because I was emotionally abused.
According to my family, it's show up, or shut up. I should get the fuck over it and act like a normal adult, my mental illness "is not an excuse".
I'm damaged goods. I will never be a valuable asset to my family, any other family, or any person.
I don't know what to do. This has to end some way or another TODAY. I'll do my best. I just don't want to end up in a mental ward again...................................
Really I just don't see a way out, or a way to go on like this. Material items, friendships, daily interactions, upcoming events, plans, goals, are all meaningless if your family despises you as a person at the end of the day. Things that used to give me joy have no meaning. I don't deserve pleasure. My aunt says nobody's entitled to SHIT, and that the problem with this generation is that they think they're entitled to things, like, I dunno, shelter, respect, dignity. Human rights.
So I feel worthless. Like I can't have a mind of my own. I have to agree, I have to think I'm worth nothing, and that hard work that I'm physically unable to do is the only way to carve out an identity for yourself in this world.
Going by that same token of logic, I'm not entitled to an identity, a mind of my own, acknowledgement. It reinforces that I'm nobody.
I guess my point is, there is no way out. None at all. I'm sorry.
Please don't get angry at me. I don't know what [else] to do.
Her stance is since I don't contribute jackshit anything financially, I have to deal with literally anything my mother throws my way, and do it with a grateful smile on my face, like an orphan.
I paid almost $2,000 this month in rent and bills. Like. 1/3-2/3s of my money, the only money I'll have for a LONG while.
And she's like "Fucking so what? She's paid hundreds of thousands for you over your lifetime"
So I said, "What? You act like the thousands I paid this month is a drop in the bucket" and she's like "Goddamn right".
And I lost it and started bawling because I thought, how fucking ungrateful. I paid MONEY I DIDN'T HAVE because I felt obligated and also it made me feel good to do what I could, y'know? And I know this is her opinion and not my mother's, but still.
And she's like "Stop that shit! Your mother is ILL and I am NOT going to allow her to deal with your ass." So I asked her, "What, you want me to be false and put on a 'fake smile' when I walk in? Into my own house?"
And she said "DAMN. RIGHT!" and told me to get the fuck out of the car. Which I didn't want to do, because I couldn't get myself to stop crying within the 20 seconds it took to walk to my house, as she demanded me to do.
So I just laid on the grass for a few minutes, and walked straight into my room. I'm in here. I'm not going to let my mum see me like this, because according to my aunt, these feelings are shameful, and getting "out of control" upset like I am is selfish, and an absolute disgrace.
I should, according to her logic, suck it the fuck up, because it's the right thing to do, so I should hold myself to that standard no matter what and not let my family see my pain, because it's so fucking ridiculous that these feelings I have exist.
That's it. I don't want to live anymore. I can't live with a family who openly and proudly discourages showing of emotions. I can't get another family. Nobody would adopt me. I'm a grown ass adult who can't work. And my gender's weird. I'm a f*ggot (MY slur that I reclaimed) and not a proper lady. I can't show emotions right, because I was emotionally abused.
According to my family, it's show up, or shut up. I should get the fuck over it and act like a normal adult, my mental illness "is not an excuse".
I'm damaged goods. I will never be a valuable asset to my family, any other family, or any person.
I don't know what to do. This has to end some way or another TODAY. I'll do my best. I just don't want to end up in a mental ward again...................................
Really I just don't see a way out, or a way to go on like this. Material items, friendships, daily interactions, upcoming events, plans, goals, are all meaningless if your family despises you as a person at the end of the day. Things that used to give me joy have no meaning. I don't deserve pleasure. My aunt says nobody's entitled to SHIT, and that the problem with this generation is that they think they're entitled to things, like, I dunno, shelter, respect, dignity. Human rights.
So I feel worthless. Like I can't have a mind of my own. I have to agree, I have to think I'm worth nothing, and that hard work that I'm physically unable to do is the only way to carve out an identity for yourself in this world.
Going by that same token of logic, I'm not entitled to an identity, a mind of my own, acknowledgement. It reinforces that I'm nobody.
I guess my point is, there is no way out. None at all. I'm sorry.
Please don't get angry at me. I don't know what [else] to do.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I think that trying to get family to 'get us' when they never will understand nor do they really want to in many cases is counterproductive
I adored my family however they really never wanted to even say the word bipolar so I looked elsewhere for support.. I know that isn't what we want to hear however I think it's often the best for all concerned... I often wished things were different however sometimes we do have to accept the things we cannot change and once you do let go of this family needing to understand life gets a whole lot better..
When you need to see your medical professionals... Therapists, call distress centres or vent on here...
A lot of it comes down to a simple lack of understanding and knowledge... preconceived notions...
Give them the gift of understanding their ignorance sweetie and reach out for support where you'll gain true support
This doesn't mean that they don't truly love you and accept you.. They don't seem to understand mental illness and that's unfortunately like a lot of the world
Please hang on and reach out where you will get help V... Big hug for you and a blessing...xo
Is there anyway you can get more support? For both transgender issues and mental illness?
I don't expect your family to come around but I'm hoping you can find a middle way of getting what you need.
Keep coming back and keep updating us....
Sometimes we have to detach with love.
Your aunt sounds like a stark raving bitch. A bully. Jealous of your relationship with your mother. Sticking her self serving and biased opinion in the middle of something that is none of her damn business. As your friend, I would slap her ass right into the ground for talking to you like that.
If I were your mother, I would not appreciate someone talking to my (brilliant) kid that way. If I were your aunt, you would be included in a three way relationship rather than exiled.
Tough love is one thing - a thing I don't really believe is productive. However, I am not hearing the love part of your aunt's tirades. This is the second one you have posted about. It has probably been going on most of your life if she can hit this level of abuse so casually.
Bottom line - she is abusing you and it must be stopped. I can't remember what is happening with your mom either but I do know you have a good relationship with her. Possibly your mother can't help you with this for whatever reason - physical illness or she may not be strong enough to stand up to (her sister???).
It's going to be up to you to pull yourself out of this abusive relationship. You may love your aunt dearly - too bad she doesn't feel the same. You will probably miss her when she gets pissed and stops talking to you, which she WILL do when she realizes you are not taking it anymore.
Please make sure you never put yourself in danger of physical abuse with this woman. Convince her you will call the police and see her ass in jail if she ever lays a hand on you.
Counseling!!!! Group Therapy!!!! Find some support for yourself. Educate yourself on abusive relationships. LEARN that you deserve better.
I wish I was your aunt. You would know how valuable and loved you are.
NEWSFLASH!! Parents are supposed to raise and support their kids. It's their job to pay the bills until the kid is grown. No one did you a favor by giving you a place to live as a child - it's a basic right. I think it's admirable you want to be a contributing adult. That is what should happen when you grow up.