As a bipolar person, I have bouts with periodic alcoholism. Last summer, I had a manic episode and began drinking and smoking more weed and drinking on top of my xanax. I decided to get both clean from the weed and sober from alcohol.

I started going to AA meetings and I got a sponser. She said find some meetings that don't make you want to puke, because there are those.

I am lucky that I live in a big town and can find some good ones.

I never liked the whole 12-step thing for many years, but I realized I need support and I get a rush or a charge from hearing what I need to hear most of the time when I go to meetings. It is truly amazing to hear people be so open and honest about things that were driving them to drink or that were underneath their drinking.

I am still put off by the religious tone of the meetings though I understand that they created AA to welcome anyone and I respect that. I am also not a really spiritual person in that I can conceptualize what my higher power is though I am told I don't need to in order to work the steps.

As well, the steps are just suggestions and anyone is allowed to do what they want with them.

I think some people take them very seriously and it becomes sort of a neurosis, but if it helps them, then so be it. I find that to be a bit fear driven-but whatever.

I am not sure I even want to do a fourth step but will do it anyway and see what happens.

I'm just not feeling very connected spiritually as they suggest, so I am going to start going to a Buddhist AA type meeting that has a bit of a different approach.

But overall, I find the helpfulness and the honesty in the meetings to be very helpful and there are a lot of good things to hear there that can help anyone.

They may also have secular 12-step meetings where you live if the God stuff throws you off. There are also Lifering and SMART meetings which don't have quite the structure and spiritual aspect that AA does.

In the end, the AA meetings will be what you make of it. Keep an open mind, but don't get want you don't like get to you and drive you away from the good in it if you need and want to go.

One thing also, a lot of people will tell you AA is b.s. and a cult and it doesn't work.

I think to myself and say to them, do you realize how hard it is to beat any addiction? That's why it doesn't work for some. It's incredibly hard to do beat an addictive brain and a lifetime of addictive behavior.

When they say it's a cult, I don't buy that either. I don't see that there. It's what you make of it.

catwings, great posts, the only thing I would add is that just as in the online environment be it Alcoholism or Mental Illness Groups, in the live AA environmennt you will come across difficult people and by that I mainly mean aggressive people, some who are just very out of control in their own lives on many fronts and the aggression and rage rolls over onto others (Unfortunately my own brother falls into this caterogory) or one of my pet peeves, people who want to ram their opinion down your throat, ie unsolicited avice. Fair enough if I specifically ask someone for advice on a matter, and then I need to be open to hear something I don't really like and even have a robust dialogue.

I just steer away from negative people and gravitate towards the positive ones. There is an enormous amount of goodwill and generosity of spirit in AA and as we Aussies say, "I wouldn't give it up for quids". The good vastly overwhlemes the negative.

Wendy - I have heard of that too but have not really seen it - yet. However, many years ago I shared at a meeting about my depression and this one woman felt the need to share (quite angrily, I might add) about hers and how she considers being on medication not being sober and she prides herself on the fact that if she did nothing all day but wipe the counter with a paper towel, at least she was still sober. My therapist told me later that if that's the way some people want to live, then whatever....sounds like hell.

But I think there is a lot more tolerance towards those who need to get their depression treated medically and is growing over time wiht better education, though I think what the problem is in AA is that people are taught to be tough on themselves in some way with the taking of the moral inventory and the assessment of "character defects" and so they don't ever really get to deal with any inner child issues (for lack of a better term.) . There's a certain amount of stoicism in AA that can be counter-productive to seeking out other forms of help. Maybe that is where some of that self-righteous anger comes in.

But like you said, there is a lot of heart and acceptance and tolerance there. I just would ignore anyone who makes me feel bad about anything and go talk to someone else.

There are also dual diagnosis meetings in many cities, though there are none where I live. They are for people with mental illness and addiction issues. I have a book on dual diagnosis and the 12-steps I need to read.

Yes, right on Catwings, I believed all the Hooey about "pills are for dills" and if you take psych meds you're not sober for 3 years into sobriety, all through which I was suicidal and could esily have taken the act. At 3 years I started seeing psychs. Lots of difficulties with them but I know I need to be there.

The position of people saying we're not sober if we take psych meds is undefendable. There are illnesses such as diabetes, cancer, MS, etc which require medical intervention for the subject to survive. No-one judges them for that. Mental illness is in part due to chemical imbalanaces in the brain and just like those other illnesses, require medical intervention. But even within AA, as in the wider world there is gross ignorance, stigma and judelment even about the existence of mental illness. So like you said, we each must take our own road in AA. I have found some people who are Dual Diagnosis like me within AA and it is great having Fellow Travellers.

Yeah, I would not even talk to people like that or hear what they have to say. They have no idea.

I have been dealing with my usual bout of seasonal springtime depression for over a month now and since I some Adderall is helping it just a little, I am no longer obsessing on wanting to drink or go buy some cannabis again. So for me, being properly medicated has to be part of my sobriety. My mental illness is what mostly makes me want to self-medicate.

Wendy, there are probably a lot of people in AA who could use some medication but they just keep trying to work their program and remain angry and/or secretly depressed, etc. And they think if they just keep praying, turning it over, working the steps it will go away and it does not. I'd be angry too.

Yes Catwings and sometimes when someone does lose the Good Fight - someone Dual Diagnosis, a some people just say, he/she couldn't grasp the Program of AA, when the death may have actually been attributable to mental illness.

BTW, any Dual Diagnosis people reading all this who haven't tried AA or NA or are in the Early Days either struggling to get sober or clean, or are sober and clean, please don't take moy posts as meaning I don't believe in AA. It's just certain individuals I need to steer clear from. I am very pasionate about AA, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me and it's saved my life and continues to do so.

Whatever helps your bipolar and addiction is great with me. Just work on being the best person you can be and I believe you are in recovery and this can be done with therapy and friendships. You are doing just as you are suppose to be doing Wendy.

Whatever helps your bipolar and addiction is great with me. Just work on being the best person you can be and I believe you are in recovery and this can be done with therapy and friendships. You are doing just as you are suppose to be doing Wendy.