So growing up bipolar I had a lot of problems controlling my temper. But I did learn a lot of self control when I took Karate. With it, I was able to prevent a lot of my violent tendencies. However, as I grew and gained more self awareness, I slowly became afraid of how badly I could lose control. I only took Karate for a short time because of finical reasons and the fact that I was too much for the kid class but I couldn't remain interested with the adult class.
Now that I am healthy and an adult, I am considering taking some kind of fighting class. There is a UFC gym near where I live that I am considering joining. Obviously self defense is good as a woman but the reason I am looking at mma type classes (not that I would ever do more than working out and sparing) is more to boost my self confidence. I now am subconciously terrified of losing complete control and maybe joining a gym for more than just working out with help with that. If I can learn to trust myself in high adrieline situations, I think I can become more outgoing again. I don't really care about ranks, it is more to work on my confidence in my self control and not smoothering every aggressive impluse. I mean, not all aggression is bad. After all, you need to be aggressive in job searching.
Does my idea seem too unreasonable? Any advice? I am primarily looking for operturnites to work with supressed agression and I have no desire to do a huge ranking system. Or having to spend lots of money on equipment.
my ptsd is a little more active today. Had two triggers before noon. One was a new Maintenance person invading my personal space and the second was some off colored joking by a coworker that hit on my nerves. I try really hard not to let sexual innuendo joking bother me most of the time but right after the other trigger , it kind of retriggered me. So my biggest hurdle today so far has been...
I really have no idea how im feeling. Parts me is ok, parts not ok. I switch between the two so easy. I am diagnosed as emotional unstable personality disorder and autism. I think having the autism makes it harder to identify feelings and why im feeling them. Ive not a clue what my triggers are. Im nearly 30 id of thought id some kinda clue by now. I want to get serious about becoming well and...