Everything was perfect in the beginning. He bought me a personalized cake when I made honors, we spent three hours telling each other everything opening up our deepest secrets and struggles, he said he loved me on day three, we drove six hours to visit his family and they loved me, we did so many fun things together, he complimented me, he wanted to have children with me and marry me and be with me forever, he said he's never felt this way about anyone... Then one day my bipolar came out and I got angry at him and he told me I shouldn't be taking my anger out at him so I didn't really ever do it again. But after a while, the name-calling started. He was controlling. He ditched me on the side of the road to make me late for my doctors appt and I ended up having a phone appt and then he told me to get the $&@@ back in the car right after he told me to get the $&@" out... he was jealous, he called my friends names behind their backs, but then he'd apologize and I'd see this broken boy with similar issues to mine (I don't blow up at him cuz I'm scared to now, but I blow up at my family often), and I take him back. It's been two months and all the while he always asks for stuff by the way I've given him like 150$ but at least I used my own manipulative methods to at least get hundreds of dollars of his material items in return... Now we're done for good I guess according to him. He said he didn't wanna hurt me anymore after we got in a fight. I have been telling him all along that his "love" was just lust and he assured me it was real. now he just denied he ever loved me and he said I never loved him either well no shit I've been saying that all along and he just said "you know I'm stubborn." I know I shouldn't want him to come back. But that's the only real relationship I've ever had. And I'm 21. And I'd rather be abused than alone. I've been alone for 21 years and all that got me was underweight, a bloody wrist, and drug abuse issues. I also felt like the aesexual dyke of every big group including family events cuz everyone has a SO but me. Nothing ever lasts. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I did! And if we're both bipolar then why does he always break up with me but I have never once done so?! I'm so afraid of being alone I want him back. I just wish he had the money to see a doctor and take medication I don't know what to do. I feel like this cycle of abuse will continue (this isn't the first time I've been in an abusive situation). I miss how he was in the beginning idk what changed... I am still debating whether or not he's bipolar like he claims or if he's a sociopath.