My name is Jack and I live in Maine in the US. I've joined the Chronic Fatigue, Depression and Bi-Polar groups here, and am writing this as introduction in all three.

I was first diagnosed with depression about 25 years ago; Paxil controlled it well for about 20 years. Then less so...

I lost the Best Job Ever and ended up working for a few years in customer service hell until apparently Advil(?) caused my body to react with anaphylaxis (more than hives, less than toxic shock), landing me the hospital for three days on IV antihistamines. The docs sent me home with a 6-week decreasing regimen of antihistamines that left me exhausted, foggy and sleeping up to 20 hours a day. Finally I was able to go back to work for a few hours a day, but my energy just never came back to what it had been.

I didn't realize it at the time, but the CFS portion of my life had begun. (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, or now SEID Systemic Exertion Intolerance Disease, as recommended by the recent Institute of Medicine's report.)

I quit drinking (THAT had been a problem), but still couldn't come back to what I had been. It got so I would curl up under my desk for a nap during breaks and lunch; it took all my focus to drive home (I couldn't even listen to the radio and drive), if I didn't leave work before I exhausted myself, I was as unsafe as any drunk. I was only working three to five hours a day by now; I couldn't focus on my callers, their questions, the situation or the applicable policy and the effort was exhausting. Finally one day, I just couldn't do anything but sit there until someone asked me if I was okay no, I was not. They called my wife, who drove me home and that was pretty much the end of my working days to date.

I lay on the couch in a dark room for the next couple of years, watching as more and more of my interests, elements of ME, fell away, as I didn't have the energy to maintain them. I watched TV, did easy crossword puzzles (because they were the only thing I still COULD do), slept and fell deeper and deeper into the black vortex.

(Some people I'm looking at YOU, many MDs try to pass off CFS/SEID as depression, but that's not true. I've had depression without CFS, and they're different. I became deeply depressed BECAUSE of the CFS.)

Finally I couldn't stand feeling that bad anymore. I couldn't kill myself to stop the pain for what it would do to my wife and daughter, but I couldn't keep living with the pain. I had cratered, and I asked my wife to take me to the emergency room. That's when I was diagnosed with bi-polar.

The treatment I received helped enormously, but my insurance thought four days was plenty and that was that. At least I finally had a psychiatrist and some medication, not just a PCP who told me to keep working with my therapist for the CFS.

That was in the summer 2-1/2 years ago, and with the medications I had improved greatly. I learned more about CFS/SEID, how to manage it and stay within my energy envelope. I was feeling a lot better... until I cratered again in January. It took me completely by surprise; that was the scariest part.

My therapist urged me to go to the hospital, but I didn't want to mostly because I didn't want to give up the option of punching my ticket. She did convince me to see my psychiatrist, called his office, made an appointment for me for the next day and made me promise I wouldn't make any irrevocable decisions until I had seen him. I agreed, kept the appointment and he admitted me in about 12 minutes. That was January 29 and I wasn't discharged until February 10. At that time I had no permanent place to live, only a room in a friend's house where I felt as if I was walking on eggshells.

Well, I found a place I could afford (I used to earn a lot, so my disability benefits are quite a bit higher than many people's, but that is my only income) and didn't depress me further. So here I am, trying to keep it together and maybe even get better.

Thanks, folks. I'm glad to be here. Have the best day you can.