You are NOT a bum, first off. As folks on here have told me, you probably do a lot for your girlfriend and your home than you realize. You need treatment because you have an illness - like any other - and it is interfering with your ability to do the things you used to do or even things you might like to do. So, there's the problem. Please don't fall into the guilt trap - I'm in there right now - it's an awful place to be and we who don't work and live with someone who does and helps us financially tend to feel like we're not playing our part in the relationship.

Have you shared this with your girlfriend? It might be illuminating if you do. She may be looking at your situation from an entirely different perspective.

You've held down 60 jobs??? WOW! That's a lot of stress when you put it all together. You need to treat yourself well, now, and try to avoid stressful things as much as you can. Not avoiding per se, but you need to look to things that DON'T cause you stress.

You'll have your first assessment on Monday - That's great news! And then a follow up - and maybe even another follow up but the REALLY GOOD NEWS is that you've started the process to seek help and find it! Good for you, Paul - that's a huge achievement!

Wishes for the best of luck in your assessments, Paul! (((((HUGS))))

Thank you so much for your comments, yes I am lucky enough to have a really good open relationship with my girlfriend and yes i do the majority of the housework at home, get up make her lunch for work, morning coffee etc, then tea when she comes home from work.

My girlfriend is always saying to me that it's only me putting pressure on me and not to worry, we wont starve and she is not bothered about the money, just me getting well, I'm a lucky man!

I am such an able person and can be so energized, normally when I am in a manic state mind, I keep thinking look Paul man up! go out get some work and you will feel better, but right now I am afraid and to weak physically and mentally to do that right now.

I love her so much and she has endured so much crap with my illness, sometimes I almost want to push her away, so that in time she can be happy, have the things that she deserves and not have to put up with this constant doom and gloom, I know this is not the answer, It is just how i feel sometimes.

I base success in my life now, as having just enough money to live on, to able to wake up and feel stable, happy, listen to the birds sing and not care about what others may think of me, this illness has really put things into perspective in reality as it has got worse.

Once again thank you for your kind support and valuable comments x

it's a tough one.

Not having a job does lead to that kind of detachment / depression for anyone, bipolar or not.

Also as a guy we have alot of baggage tied up with working - but then at your age alot of people retired back in the 80s/90s before everything went to shit.

You could run the household and do some volunteer work if the whole self worth thing is an issue for you - that's doing something worthwhile.

Hang in there. You are doing the right things and taking charge of your mental health, which is a major step towards progress. I hope things get better for you! ((hugs))

Thanks for your support guys

I can't even get a job, mate, never mind hold one down. Nearly all the jobs are based in Belfast and a Job I heard back from said their work hours were Midday - 8 pm Weekdays and one Saturday in four. Too much for me, tbh. My underearning means I find it difficult to handle situations like that.

Paul I understand how you feel. I don't have a job and don't think I can hold one down right now. I stay home and half the time I don't have the energy to even clean the house the way it needs to be. The good thing is that you are taking the steps to get help for your illness. That is a big step.

Don't beat yourself up Paul... These are signs of depression that you're describing
It's great that you have a wonderful mate... I hope life will turn around for you soon...If it doesn't maybe time to see your pdoc??
Big hug for you...x

In a way you will feel better after having an assessment and getting on the proper meds Paul. I was just assessed myself 3 weeks ago and I was not happy being diagnosed with bp 2, but at the same time relieved.

I'm sure your girlfriend understands...maybe its a good idea for her to go to a support group for family members who deal with a loved one suffering from mental illness. Good luck and hugs.

paul, the best of luck with your assessment. give yourself credit for the good decisions you have been making and doing the things you need to do, taking time of work and getting on with getting professional help - these are huge steps forward - go you! you girfriend sounds great and again give yourself credit for all the invaluable things you do, it is always wonderful to have someone do the housework and make breakfast etc,, when you are working. I absolutely appreciate someone just making me a cup of tea so i am sure she is delighted! your priorities are in the right place - getting well and staying well is an excellent goal. we are all right behind you. big fat hugs.

Guys I have been truly touched by your thoughtful comments on my post, having your support means a great deal and I hope that you realise that it works both ways? Always here for your guys too x

I know for men , a lot of your identity is wrapped up in what kind of work you do.

Try not to let this bother you.
You are doing what you can, working towards being better....

Hugs

Paul, relationships work both ways, too. Sometimes one in the couple gives more and then things change and the other one gives more. It's never a 50/50 deal. I'm sure your girlfriend appreciates having you.

Good luck with your assessments.

@dancing...I'm a female and my identity was totally wrapped in my job. Had a great one for 20 years..making over 80K on a HS diploma...LEFT it on MY OWN...basically because of this illness....Impulsive and stupid. And haven't worked since March 2014. :(

@Paul...feel your pain....I agree with everyone else...and glad that you appreciate your girlfriends support. I also have some support but I think that being a guy is probably more difficult in GETTING the support. I'm happy for you...in that way. But understand your pain totally.

I wholeheartedly agree with what many others have said your first priority is getting well and staying well. Many things as of yet unknown to you could help...

Therapy, medication, coping skills such as DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) and CBT ( cognitive behavioral therapy) and a million other things.....

Would it be any different if you hard cancer and were going through chemotherapy unable to work?

Big hugs to you it's such a tough place to be!