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need advice

mysticrose
mysticrose
My fiance just moved in and after 6 weeks I asked him to leave. It's a long story. My fiance and I have chatted online for 7yrs. We know all there is to know about each other and we accepted each other. The only thing is when he was here we hardly talked and he has a past. He is on the sex offenders registry for accessing written stories of child porn. My ex (the kids father) wont let my kids anywhere near him and so I have to visit my children alone. My fiance can't go into their school at all so I have had to go to sports events on my own. It just seemed that my fiance's past was getting in the way. The kids father cut my access right back to the bare minimum and with christmas coming it was doing my head in. I felt like I had to choose between my faince and my children and that's a no brainer of course.

I also asked my children if they would allow their children to be around my fiance and they said NO. So I thought "it's never going to end". There will always be barriers in place by someone to stop access to my children or their children (when they have them).

My fiance wants to try again and he says he is in love with me but the truth is Im not sure about all of it. I can see his past always being an issue. It's a complicated situation. I do care for my fiance deeply but sometimes love isn't enough.

What do you all think?
chilvr
chilvr
to be blunt...run the other way as fast as you can. you have children and grandchildren? why would you want to expose them to someone who has a problem with child porn? why would you want to curtail your contact with them? and this will never end.
sorry to be all gloom and doom, but...
hugs and puppy kisses
tommymott
tommymott
I agree with chilvr. Your current squeeze has made choices that aren't compatible with family life. He should've disclosed that to you instead of making a big mess of all your lives.
joneszy93
joneszy93
The question that comes to mind when I read this is, how would you feel if your children or grandchildren were the ones in the child porn that your fianc was watching? Sorry to sound blunt too. And I agree with chilvr also.
Nester4U
Nester4U
No way in hell would I even have communication with him after finding out this bit of news.
spacekat
spacekat
I agree with everybody - sorry but this guy has got to go. I'm trying to imgaine what I would do in your situation. I'd dump the guy and get to see my kids more. My son means the world to me and i would never want to expose him to anything harmful. Be good to you.
sadiegirl13
sadiegirl13
You have absolutely made the right choice; and I agree with what everyone has already said.
SensitiveHoboLady
SensitiveHoboLady
good advice from everyone here. be strong!
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I know very little about this mystic.... There's obviously a strong stigma as you can see here and I have found out from others that a lot of things I have thought in the past were wrong
I have some strong hang ups as well I must admit however I'm starting to realize that I do need to open my mind at least enough to educate myself some
There's a board here that might help you to make an informed decision
Whatever you decide I'm sorry you're hurting.. Big hug for you and a blessing
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/families-of-sex-offenders
darkenedheart
darkenedheart
I'd dump his ass no matter how much I was in love with him and how much it hurt and how long it took to get over him. I think if he can't go near kids and schools there must have been more to it than just reading stories. Your kids and happiness have to come first. Good luck with whatever you decide.
MayB
MayB
I think there is some good advice here...

However I would discuss this with a therapist to examine your motivations and your fiance's.

What part do you think denial plays in your situation?

Would you consider yourself co-dependent?

How are your personal boundaries impacted by your fiance's choices?

If it's not possible to see a therapist it might be a good topic for you to write about in a journal. Sometimes that is a good tool to take a problem that isn't very clear to us to bring it into a sharper focus...

Good luck to you it sounds like a very difficult situation.
downbut
downbut
Besides agreeing with the good advise others have given, you should consider that this guy has also groomed you as others of his ilk groom children. Many such children are not in a position to walk away. You are. He has played with your emotions. Walk away now for your own sake and your children.
dancingd
dancingd
I don't even see a reason to ask

Everyone is correct.... move on
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