I have had some people say some stupid things after the loss of my parents.

I have also said stupid things to people in pain. A distant relative aged in his early teens was lost in a car accident. I didn't know him very well. I was as thoughtful and sensitive as I could be when talking to his father but when it came to talking to the boys older brother I was an idiot. I just didn't know what to say. I wished him a Merry Christmas. I can't believe I did that. It just came out. I can't tell you how bad I feel about that.

I have been on the other end of this topic. Before I lost my mom and dad I would try to help people out by giving them words of encouragement. Perhaps they don't know any better and they're trying to help you out.

Since my loss I have people ask me some of the same questions. I don't take it as them trying to be hurtful. I take it as them trying to make me feel better. And if we [people who have lost a loved one] don't let them know how it makes us feel when they ask those questions, how can they learn and how are they expected to know how hurtful it is.

I try to tell them in the nicest of ways that their remarks hurt and 99% of the time they apologize and tell me that's not how they meant it.

People do care and all people aren't out to hurt the greiving. They themselves just don't understand or have never gone through the pain of losing a Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Husband, Wife, or Boyfriend/Girlfriend.

My son passed away four months ago and I hate when people tell me that he is in a better place with no more pain or suffering and that as a christian I am not suppose to be still grieving for my son. I think to myself if they loss a child let me see them all happy and not grieving after only 4 months. Then I hate it when they tell me that I am strong and that they admire me for being so strong. I am not strong I just play the role that I am alright. I dont let anyone see my pain because I cannot take their comments.

My Son and only child was Murder 17 yrs ago the day after he turn 20 and I heard all of those I had a ex freind and I say ex now tell me I need to get over it this ! it was 12yrs after I loss him I was feeling down this day it could have been anything-everything she call and I told her I wasnt up to company WHY? and that when she said that and I said a few things

I will never get over this ask she put it it is now 17 yrs and I still have good \bad days
and she still a ex-friend

I also let her no pray she never walk in my shoes
I'm sorry for your loss

What is this idea that Christians aren't supposed to grieve!!!???!!! That sounds bizzare to me!

My son passed away on 4/15/06 on Easter Weekend, and I too hated when people would say certain comments like; just think of the pain he must have been in, now he is in peaceNow my reaction is; you think he was in pain, and now he is in peacenow, Im feeling really guilty, b/c I didnt think Ryan was in pain, now I feel like this man was trying to tell me, Ryan was in a better place, b/c of the pain he thought my son was in, he didnt know a thing about my son, my son was the most happiest and fun to be with, he loved life, we had lots of talks, laughs, etc now this man and wife, and family were like the Cleavers, they had this perfect family, which in my eyes they did seem as though, their life was so perfect, and they never experience any tragedy in their life, and why b/c they brought their children up better than me, so thats how I took it, he may never of meant it, the way I took it. . The people that I enjoy talking to, were the ones that had gone through a loss themselves, b/c they had experience, and compassion, and the things that they tell us comfort us, b/c they had been there, and we connect with each other, sometime I had problems with what they say, b/c I may not be at their level yet, as time goes on when I get closer to their level I start to understand, what they meantso the people that are further along in their grieving, are the people I like to talk with, b/c it helps me, to help others that are behind me in their grieving, and that is how it works xoxo KLS

ok, here's what I got tired of hearing: It's God plan, why do you still talk about your husband, and a few more... I'd like to knock them upside their stupid little heads! Try to ignore them, they have no clue what's it like and what we are going through. Keep your chin up, you will be fine.

i lost my dad 7 months ago and like you i have heard all the stupid empty remarks...my favorite.."it will get easier"...what kind of crap is that? Easier than what? Anyway i also find it sometimes hurtful when they dont say anything at all...i just want to scream out "HAVE YOU ALL FORGOTTEN SO EASILY?" I want to talk about him and nobody wants to hear because it makes them feel uncomfortable. My husband says "dont start that shit, you know what it leads to." I guess what i am trying to say is maybe a real dumb remark is better than no remark at all.

I think you are right PumkinJaws. I think for me a stupid remark is better than none at all.

I think some remarks are just people who don't understand trying to help and stuffing it up like "it will get better, God's will, in peace now etc" People who have never lost anyone close don't know what to say and just say things they think might help.

The ones that try to urge you along like "focus on something else, Aren't you over that yet, it's time you moved on" I think these sorts of comments are about their discomfort with your grief and they would be better to shut up.

Wow, I lost my sister 5 years ago this month and I can't imagine someone telling me "to get over it". I am truly blessed that my family and friends talk about her as if she is just out of town somewhere. We talk about her all the time and it feels great to think back on the good and bad times. Just as long as I keep her in the present she will never be missed.
I'm sorry that you have to bear those comments, but anytime you want to talk about your loss one your DS family is here with open eyes/hears.

the worst thing said to me was just 2 weeks after my parents passed,they died in a fire, was "are you over it yet?" i calmly looked at her and told her i will never be over it and walked away. people mean well but sometimes it comes out wrong, i know have said stupid things my self and did not realize how stupid they sounded. my prayers go to all of us here... carol

The one that I hear the most is "just give it time thing will get better" to me time is my enemy cause the more time that goes by is just a reminder that my son really isn't coming back.

My Mom passed away on Oct. 24, 2008. I have had some really stupid, inconsiderate things said to me. One of my friends, who had also lost her mother, told me that there are lots of people WAY worse off than me (gee, thanks for the guilt trip). I was reminded by someone of all the times I lost my temper with my Mom and how I sometimes complained about being exhausted. Why are people so thoughtless and rude?????

I recently went on a first date and aside from the fact that he was obsessed with sex and expected it on the first date (didm't happen), he told me a year was enough time for me to grieve my mom's death. He doesn't know me, or how much I loved my mom!!!!! He told me I should "suck it up". I told hime when I work I suck it up 40 hours a week, that one has to grieve or it will just come out at a later time. I alos hate"everything happens for a reason". I think it's great that comforts some people, but it doesn't work for me...............they just don't get it, and won't until they walk in our shoes. Love and prayers to all of us for peace and healing, Nancy

"LAUGH, AND THE WORLD LAUGHS WITH YOU; WEEP, AND YOU WEEP ALONE."

by Wheeler-Wilcox

One of my ex-friends explained to me there is a reason for everything and implied if I was more spiritual God would have protected my son from death.

I do not have to tell you she has never lost a loved one.